Blue Velvet
by Tear Of A Clown
Summary: Ste has the perfect job in London. He has the perfect boyfriend (albeit with slightly homophobic parents). He also has a life back in Hollyoaks that he's been running from for the past six years. It's probably time he went back. AU. COMPLETE.
1. Once Upon A Dream

A/N: Hello lovelies, this is the Sweet Home Alabama AU i promised. I don't know how closely it's gonna stick to the original, i'm kinda going with the flow. Also, I don't actually watch HO anymore, so if any member of the Lomax family are out of character, it's because I don't really know what their characters are like, and what you'll see here is how i wanted Ste and his family to be.

Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter 1**

"Is the money you get from these stupid deals really worth all this trouble?" Ste asked as he used the damp cloth to wipe away the blood on the knuckles that he held in his hands.

He understood, he really did; Brendan had mouths to feed and an ex-wife who he loved even if he wasn't in love with her. He married her and just because they weren't together anymore, it didn't mean he could just abandon her. So as long as she remained single, he'd pay to make sure she was comfortable, and not just pay for the kids he had with her. But drugs. They...They were so risky. Brendan had the whole bad boy persona sorted, but that didn't mean he was a bad person. And if he died or got thrown in jail because of a deal gone wrong, he'd be leaving a lot of people heart broken.

He'd leave Ste heartbroken.

"Deccy's treatment isn't working, he needs better care, and better care means more money. So yeah, Steven, it is worth it."

"I just don't like to see you hurt." Ste mumbled as he worked to scrub away a stubborn blood spot.

Brendan sighed and drew his hand away from the clasp Ste had on them, and then tugged the chair he sat on to pull them closer together. Ste fit in snugly between the older man's legs as Brendan held onto the side of his face with a firm grip, forcing blue eyes to meet an even deeper blue. Brendan looked like he was in pain, and not from the sucker punches he got to the stomach, nor the right hook across his face. He looked like it hurt him to watch Ste worry about him, to watch as the younger man's eyes well up with tears because he was never sure if Brendan would come home.

"It won't be forever, I swear to you." Brendan promised with a small smile that shot little sparkles in his eyes. "But you and me, that's forever, Steven."

Ste snorted and scraped his chair back to get up and round the bar. Brendan's club was nice, it just wasn't doing as well as he'd hoped. He had to even let a few of the bar staff go, not being able to afford the expenses. But Brendan didn't want to sell, he didn't want another failure in his life. He always said he failed as a husband to Eileen, a father to his kids, he wasn't going to fail again, so he kept the bar open, and he kept it running no matter how much it was losing him. He evidently had other ways of making up the loss.

"What's so funny?" Brendan asked as he groaned a little trying to stand.

"You and me, forever. I'm just the scally you hired as a bartender, and the only reason you haven't let me go like the rest is because you see yourself in me, what with me kids 'n' all."

"It has nothing to do with the fact that I love you?" Brendan quirked an eyebrow. Once upon a time, the older man would have rather shoved his tongue in a blender than tell Ste he loved him. But it just slipped out of his mouth now, like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"No, you know if you fire me, I'd still love you. But it's me kids you're keeping me on for."

Brendan chuckled, "that's true. I wanna take care of you and if that means having you as my barman, so you can earn a decent wage, then that's what I'll do."

Ste smiled as he started wiping down the bar, he could feel his ears heating up from the blood rushing through them. It was still unusual for him to hear Brendan be so open about them, when once he was so far back in the closet, Ste was sure that was why he was so pale. Turned out, it's just the Irish gene. Ste looked up at Brendan through his eyelashes to see the older man looking at him with an earnest expression.

"I mean it, Steven, you're it for me." There was no room for argument in his tone, and when Ste looked up at him properly, he continued, "no more mistakes."

Ste was pretty sure Brendan was going to royally fuck up at least ten times in the next month, at least, but that was Brendan. He didn't say anything though, instead he hummed in agreement and headed towards the cellar to get some more drinks to restock, but as he approached the end of the bar, Brendan's next words had him halt to a stop.

"Marry me?" The older man's voice almost croaked from the nerves in them. He was normally so confident when it came to their relationship. It was Brendan who pursued Ste, even though it was him in the closet, and every time Ste said he had enough of all the secrecy, Brendan was always sure that he wasn't really going to leave. And he never did. Brendan knew that with all the fighting they did, with all the trouble Brendan got into with his dodgy deals and whatever the hell he was involved in that week, Ste loved him, and when Ste loved, he did it with a fierce passion. He wasn't going to give up on Brendan.

But this was different. Brendan was laying his heart out into the open, for Ste to take, or to smash.

"Bren, you've had a long night. It's all the painkillers I've forced down your throat messing with your head, you'll regret this in the morning."

Brendan reached into the inner pockets of his suit jacket and pulled out a navy blue, velvet box.

"Marry me." He repeated, and this time, it wasn't a question.

xxx

There was a loud clap somewhere and Ste shot up where he was sitting, wiping off the drool that had escaped from the side of his mouth. "Wha – Whawas that?"

Someone snorted above him, and when Ste looked up, he saw his boss looking down at him with a raised eyebrow. "You know, your northern accent is a lot thicker when you're dreaming."

Ste groaned and rolled off of the sofa that furnished the staff room of the restaurant he worked at. This wasn't the first time he fell asleep during his break at work, and it most certainly wasn't the first time he had that irritating dream. As much as he had moved on with his life, his subconscious seemed to be determined to drag him back.

"Sorry," Ste mumbled as he headed for the bathroom to wash his face with cold water.

He had to get himself properly awake again for the dinner rush. Being the head chef was all nice and everything, but damn it, it was so damn strenuous and tiring. He wouldn't change his job for anything, and Eddie, who owned the restaurant was one of the best bosses he could have asked for, but now he understood why Gordon Ramsey kept throwing the f-bomb around. People were really thick and he'd probably get his job done better if he could do everything himself, but Eddie seemed to think he needed a team. Eddie was old and obviously senile.

"Son, you're really tired, you've been tired for a long time. Let me hire a few more people to help you out." Eddie called out from wherever he was.

"No!" Ste shouted back. "They won't understand the way I work, then they'll go crying to whoever when I get pissed at them, and then I'll get threatened again by whoever they tell."

Eddie was chuckling when Ste came back out to meet him, now sitting on the sofa Ste had been sleeping in. "That happened one time."

"Once was enough, thanks." Ste sighed. "If you really wanna help me, fire Trisha. She can't even boil water without burning the pot."

"That's because she's a waiter and you asked her to boil a lobster without telling her the correct heat."

"It's fucking boiling, not rocking science."

"The fact that you needed her to do anything at all, just proves that we're understaffed in the kitchen. You just don't want anyone because you're a control freak when it comes to cooking."

"Am not."

Eddie smirked at him with an expression that said he thought Ste was full of crap. "Admit that you're a control freak and I'll leave it alone for tonight."

Ste shook his head before he showed the older man his middle finger, and left for the kitchen. He wasn't a control freak. He liked things done in a certain way, and teaching new people the way he worked around here was too time consuming. He wanted his dishes perfect and he couldn't achieve that if he had some fresh out of culinary school kid telling him how if he did something differently, it would be more efficient. Fuck, he's been working at this restaurant for the past six years since he moved to London. He started from the bottom, he'll do things how the fuck he wants. Okay, maybe he was a little bit of a control freak.

The dinner rush went as smoothly as he could ask for, and now it was nearly midnight and he was tired, he just wanted to go home and snuggle in bed. He didn't have the energy to change back into his street clothes, so instead, he put his jeans and hoodie into a carrier back and slipped out of the back of the restaurant, and headed towards his car in the staff car park. It wasn't too long a drive back to his flat, but by the time he reached his front door, his eyelids were already starting to drift close.

That was why he nearly missed his entire flat covered in rose petals and lit candles, leading a path to his living room. He knew who was behind it, but it didn't stop his heart climbing up to his throat to get lodged there. He tentatively followed the petals to his living room to find his boyfriend sitting at on the sofa with a nervous smile and a "hey baby."

"Doug, what's going on? Could you not find the fuse box?"

Doug laughed and stood up, making his way to Ste and kissing him on the lips, their mouths clinging before Ste laced his fingers through the other man's hair to kiss harder, to sweep his tongue and feel their mouth glide against each other. Doug wrapped his arms around Ste's waist and hoisted him up, so he could carry him to the sofa to lay him down. But just as things started to get heated up, Doug pulled away, getting them both to sit up.

"Sorry, we're not supposed to get to that till later… hopefully," Doug said with cheeks bright red.

Doug always blushed a lot. He blushed when he first saw Ste at the restaurant two years ago, and he blushed every time he came in. Ste was just starting up as head chef back then, so he used to venture out to the front often to check if people were liking his food, and every time he did, Doug was there, glowing red and waving lamely. Ste thought he was going to faint when he finally built up the courage to actually approach him and ask if he was the chef here, ask if Ste wanted to go out for some drinks one night.

Ste hadn't really been expecting anything to come of the date, other that perhaps a one night stand. But when they parted that first night, Doug kissed him on the cheek and bid him Goodnight. Ste wasn't used to that. He was used to sex. Lots and lots of sex. Brendan had sex with him before he even found out what Ste's last name was, this chivalry thing was weird and it made Ste… it was different, and different was what he wanted. So they went on another date, and that one had ended with a chaste kiss on the mouth. To cut a long story short, Ste didn't get any until about two months into their relationship. And even then, he didn't really get any, he kind of gave when it came to Doug. He didn't mind topping, he had done it before with guys that came after Brendan, but he kind of missed feeling the fullness that he had from being bottom. But the sex was good. It was romantic. They didn't really fuck, more make love. But that was okay, because he loved Doug and Doug loved him, so it made sense. Right?

"What is it, Doug? When someone creates a sensual atmosphere, I'm assuming it's because they want to get sexual."

Doug laughed and rubbed a hand down his face, before taking three deep breaths. Then he shifted in his seat, so that he was facing Ste and took his hands, twining their fingers together.

"I love you, Ste –"

"I love you too, now let's get to the good stuff." Ste interrupted.

"Let me finish. I love you, and I have from the moment I saw you chewing your lips raw, scared that you poisoned someone or left crab shells in your Crab Napoleon. And I knew then that I wanted to spend the rest of my life telling you that you have nothing to worry about, because you're absolutely perfect. And I would really love it if you gave me that opportunity."

Oh god.

"Ste," Doug reached over to the table, where Ste hadn't even noticed sat a red box. Doug opened it up to reveal a silver band with three stones embedded into it. "Will you marry me?"

Holy fuck. Ste's heart sped up and before he knew what he was doing, he had pounced onto his boyfriend… oh wait…

"Yes!" He's not ashamed that he might've squealed that little word which meant a whole big deal. "Yes, I'll marry you."

He kissed his fiancé all over the face before settling on his mouth for a deep kiss. But again, Doug pulled away, pushing Ste up again. He didn't say anything this time, though, instead, he pulled the ring out of the box and gestured for Ste's hand so he could slip the thing on. It had such a stark contrast against Ste's permanent, almost golden skin, with it being spring and summer fast approaching, it was more prominent than ever. Ste pressed the cold metal to his mouth, kissing it before looking at his future husband.

"I'm so happy right now." Ste said, through a beam of a smile.

"Me too." Then Doug kissed him. And finally they got to the good stuff.

There was a croissant, and strawberries and tea, and even daffodils in a vase, waiting for him when he woke up in bed. Doug had done this a lot when they first started sleeping over at each other's place, but it had to come to an end the more obsessed Ste got with the restaurant, forcing him to leave the house at ungodly hours. It was nice that the breakfast in bed regime was coming back, even if it was just for the one morning. Doug was nowhere to be seen, though, although his side of the bed was still warm which meant he hadn't left too soon ago.

There was a voice coming from the living room, and it sounded angry. It definitely belonged to Doug, but it wasn't a tone he heard often, and when he did, it was always directed at his parents. Ste followed the sound to find Doug leaning over the railing on the balcony, talking on the phone, in the middle of a heated argument. He must've heard Ste stepping out because he turned his head, and the angry lines in his face gave away for a gentle smile.

"Dad, I'm hanging up now…. Because my fiancé is awake and I want to have breakfast with him before he heads to work… I don't care, I love him, and this is my life." Then he hung up with an annoyed huff and curse on his tongue.

"Told the parents, huh?" Ste asked, taking a seat on the patio furniture.

Doug hummed and bent down to kiss Ste, before heading back inside, only to come back out with the breakfast he had prepared for Ste.

"They're never gonna like me, y'know? I don't have enough vagina for their approval."

Doug rolled his eyes as he took a seat opposite Ste. "They think I'm still going through one big gay phase."

Ste snorted out a laugh as he reached for a croissant and tore a piece off to pop into his mouth. He was about to take a sip of his tea when Doug's question had him choking.

"When are you going to tell your dad?"

Ah shit, he needed to tell his father.

"Or Amy and the kids?"

Oh fuck, Amy and the kids too.

Ste smiled through the lump in his throat that was no longer a result of the stuck croissant. "Erm, yeah. I guess this is something I should tell them in person."

That earned Ste a smile, one that was far too bright for nine am. "Great, I'll come with you. I can't believe we've been dating for two years and I've never met your family."

Crap, crap, crap. "I sort of haven't told them about you, so maybe this is something I should do alone first. Think of it like this, you'll defo meet them at the wedding, eh?"

Doug's smile was falling. Ste had made every excuse under the sun to stop his old life colliding with his new. He spent the holidays with his kids and Amy, but that's exactly what they did, they went on holiday. And his dad and sisters tagged along on for the holidays sometimes too, and that was the only time he saw them. Ste always told Doug that he didn't want to confuse his kids that's why he couldn't come along, but now if Doug was going to have a permanent place in his life, he had to introduce them. There hadn't even been any holidays for the past year. He hadn't seen anyone from back home in twelve months. He spoke to his kids and everyone else, but that was it.

Ste sighed and reached out to touch Doug's cheek. "I really need to do this alone, but I swear, after I break it to them, you guys will meet."

Doug looked a little wary, but he smiled and nodded anyway, as he reached for the strawberries and popped one in his mouth.

Ste needed to call Eddie, he needed to take a couple weeks off. The sous chef was alright, she could hold the fort for a while, and Eddie could finally hire someone new to help out in the kitchen. Ste, Ste had something more important than cooking to do.

He had to go back to Hollyoaks.

He had to face his dad, Amy, his kids and tell them he was getting married.

He had to face Brendan for the first time in six years.

He had to get a bloody divorce.


	2. Honey, I'm Home

**Chapter 2**

The drive back was quicker than Ste would have liked. He probably would have preferred it if the ground had opened up and swallowed him whole. Dying was a better fate than heading back to Hollyoaks, dying was a better fate than having to see Brendan and his stupid blue eyes, and his stupid moustache, and his entire stupid face that was unfairly attractive. Ste entered the village whilst he was conjuring up an image of Brendan with the devils horn and fangs, it was better than imagining him smile. Or his face when Ste left.

He parked the car near the silver bmw that Brendan still evidently owned, but instead of getting out, he plastered his face against his window to look up at the house he had once lived in. It didn't look much different from when Ste was there, except now it didn't have children's toys scattered around, belonging to both Brendan's kids and his own. Six years was a long time, Declan probably didn't play with toy guns anymore, and Padraig was old enough to ride a proper bike now, instead of the tricycle that he used to own when Ste last saw him. Ste sighed and dragged his hands down his face, it was never his intention to lose contact with Brendan's boys, but it was so hard to look at them and not see their father.

Sitting back in his seat properly, Ste played with his engagement ring as he tried to build up the courage to go inside and confront Brendan. He slipped the ring off, thinking it was a good idea to maybe not mention that he finally made an appearance only because there was another man in the picture. Brendan had always been the jealous type, but Ste used to kind of like that. It had been a long time though, maybe Brendan wouldn't even care. Maybe he was shacked up with someone else. Still, Ste took off the ring and shoved it in his glove compartment before getting out of the car and heading towards the front door. He took one last deep breath before he finally knocked on the door.

Nobody answered, and when the same thing happened after Ste knocked three more times, he gathered that Brendan was probably at the club, so he made his way there. The door was open, so he slipped in and climbed the stairs to the floor that held the office. Brendan still owned the place, it still had that minimalist décor that was so Brendan, but more to the point, it still had the picture of his boys behind the bar.

There were a few silent moments when Ste knocked on the office door, before it swung open with a smiling Brendan, laughing as he said, "you always forget something."

The smile fell when he realised it wasn't whoever he thought it was at the door – probably his boyfriend – and instead his mouth dropped open into a gape. His eyes widened the tiniest amount, and Ste resisted the urge to laugh at the cartoon like image he had in front of him. Not much surprised Brendan, so it was a little strange seeing him like he just had the wind knocked out of him. Ste probably should have expected him to be a little shocked to see his ex-husband at his door. Shit, no, still married.

"Well, what can I do for you?" Brendan asked in a faux cheery voice as he tried to replicate the tone he had when he first opened the door. It was weird, it was too foreign on him. Hey, ho, Ste's changed, it would be no astonishment if Brendan had too. Maybe he was really happier now that Ste was no longer in the picture.

"Well, you can give me a damn divorce, you stubborn bastard." Okay, that wasn't the first thing he was supposed to say, and he most certainly was not supposed to have said it so angrily, but dammit, he wanted to get out of the village as fast as possible. "Come on, Brendan. Can we please just get this over and done with, it's not funny anymore." Ste reached into his satchel and pulled out the divorce papers, just as Brendan started laughing, disbelievingly.

"You're fucking with me, right?" Brendan was still laughing mirthlessly.

Ste kind of wanted to roll his eyes, but that would have probably only encouraged him. "No, Brendan, I'm not fucking with you. You're not thick, so just sign the damn papers." He flipped the pages over to show Brendan where exactly he was supposed to put his signature, "it's even got idiot proof tabs. One for you, one for me, and one for the lawyers."

Brendan ran a hand through his hair and raised an eyebrow. "So you seriously turned up after six years and the first thing you do is demand a divorce, not even a 'heya, it's your husband.' Well_, pumpkin, _I think you look great, did you do something with your hair?"

Ste rolled his eyes. He nearly said that yeah had done something with his hair, it was shorter now, but he wasn't here for pleasantries. "Looks like you haven't done much with yours, still have the stupid thing on your face, I see."

Brendan started laughing, like full one doubling over, "oh _honey_, they must think you're hilarious down south or wherever the hell you've been for over half a decade."

"Oh shut up, you knew exactly where I was, don't act like you didn't. And don't even try to make it like you've been sitting here missing me." Ste huffed as he crossed his arms across his torso when Brendan's eyes started to travel down his body.

He finally looked back up to look Ste in the face as he tilted his head to a side and put his weight on his left foot. "Whatever you say, Steven. Are you done, because I have things to do."

Brendan started closing the door on him, but Ste wasn't having that. He was going to walk away from this office a bloody single man. "I'll be done when you've signed the papers. My lawyer freaking bills me every time you send them back, and –"

"– And I'm glad you FINALLY GOT THE FUCKING MESSAGE!"

"OH PISS OFF!" Ste screamed right back at him, because no way was he going to take anymore of Brendan's bullshit.

Brendan didn't reply, he just looked at Ste with hardened eyes that were no way near as warm as they had been when he first opened the door, not realising Ste was on the other side. This is what they did. They fought and fought until they lashed out and one, if not both of them, was left feeling like they could strangle the other.

"Go back to wherever you crawled out from, Steven." Then he closed the door behind him, and started to walk away from Ste, down the club stairs and out the door.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Leaving. You should recognise the gesture. You did it."

Brendan didn't even turn back when he said that, and the comment hurt a little more than it probably should have. Their marriage was a failure. He did the right thing, he did. Ste sighed and followed Brendan to wherever he was going, which was apparently back to the house, which thank god was right near the club. Ste didn't want to chase the man half way across the village.

"Brendan," Ste called out, but the older man didn't slow down. "Can we please just have a civilised conversation about this?"

Brendan spun around to face him when he reached the front of the house, "wait, you wanna talk to me? You mean, you don't wanna have those things special delivered? _Again."_

"Just sign the papers, so I can go home."

"What do you know about home, Steven? I'd bet everything I own that you came here before you went to see your kids, or your dad. What the fuck happened to the guy who would have done anything for his family, even blackmail an aggressive bar owner about his dodgy deals just to secure a job, so he could look after them?"

Ste would not get angry. He wouldn't. He loved his kids and Brendan had no right saying he didn't prioritise them. They were his world and the reason he worked so hard now, anyway. He couldn't be around all the time, so he sweat his balls off in the kitchen in order to make enough money for the trips Leah wanted to go on, or the clothes Lucas kept growing out of. Everything he did, he did for his kids. He wasn't around much for them anymore, but he loved them with every atom in his body.

"That's my business, Bren."

"Don't Bren, me. Before your dad came back in the picture with your sisters, your kids and Amy were all you had. So get your arse back in your fancy car – yeah I noticed that thing parked over there – and go see them. And then maybe, I'll be able stand your face enough to talk."

With that Brendan turned and opened the front door, storming inside. Ste just managed to stop the door slamming in his face, and followed him in, slamming the door shut himself.

"Brendan," Ste kind of screeched a little, or a lot. "You big, moustachioed, arsehole, the only reason you won't sign the papers is because I want you to."

"WRONG! The only reason I won't sign them is because you think you're something better than me just because you're living it large in London, and I'd like nothing better than to piss you off. And get the hell out of my house."

"Look Bren," Ste sighed as he took a step closer to Brendan, who in return turned away and headed towards the kitchen, but Ste called after him, anyway. "We're not together anymore, we haven't been for a long time. We're not really married."

Brendan came back out with a glass of whisky in hand and his eyes narrowed as he stared at Ste like he was looking at a complete stranger. Ste hated the way things had turned out between them, but the fact of the matter was, their marriage was over and Brendan had to forget about his ginormous ego and just let him go. Ste got it, the older man didn't want to add another failed marriage to the list of things he had fucked up, but keeping them married on paper didn't mean they still had a marriage. It didn't mean that Ste was coming back.

"Brendan, you're right," Ste said, when Brendan made no move to speak. "I've changed. I'm not the guy you married."

Brendan put his drink down on a side table and turned away again, but this time he grabbed the cordless phone and headed up the stairs to where Ste knew their old bedroom was. The older man made a point of closing the door as loud as he could, proving that he was a seven year old kid in a thirty seven year old man's body. Ste rolled his eyes and took off his jacket; he was not leaving this house still married to that man. So instead, he made himself comfortable on the sofa and turned the TV on.

It was about a half hour before Brendan came back down the stairs, his steps loud against the hardwood floor. "So you're a big shot chef, eh?"

Ste turned the TV off and he was about to face Brendan and tell him that he was not eere to exchange life stories, when there was a knock on the door and a voice saying, "Hollyoaks police."

Ste snapped his head round to look at Brendan with shocked eyes. What the fuck had he done now? But Brendan didn't seem to be worried, he just picked up the whisky he had left behind before and downed it in one go.

"They're not here for me, kid."

"You called the police?" Ste asked, his voice rising up. "And I'm not a kid, I'm twenty eight."

Brendan shrugged as the knocks got more persistent on the front door. He walked over in that swagger he had, which used to make Ste so proud to say that he was married to that bad ass man, but now it just made him want to kick Brendan in the shin. The older man opened the door, just as Ste turned around, pondering if he could escape through the back. Maybe Brendan kept it unlocked without the key now that Lucas wasn't around to wander out. He took one step towards that direction when a familiar voice called his name.

"Ste, is that you? Oh my god."

Ste could not have turned around faster if he tried. His smile was threatening to tear his face when he managed to say, "Leela?"

He barely saw the movement it took for his sister to get from the front door to his arms, her legs wrapped around his waist as she squeezed him till his lungs hurt. Behind her, Brendan rolled his eyes so far back, Ste was pretty sure he could see his brain.

"What are you doing here?" Leela screeched into his ear as she refused to let him go.

"Forget that, what are you doing as a cop? Following in your mum's footsteps, eh?"

Leela finally relented, but she still had the beam across her face. It had been too long since he'd last seen any of his sisters. He used to see Perrie the most because she was young and she loved coming down to London, but then she started getting busy with all her friends, and Leela never had the time, which Ste now knew was because she had decided to join the force. And Tegan had baby Rose, who actually wasn't a baby anymore, so he just never really saw them. He kept himself busy a lot and he had Doug, so he hadn't realised just how much he had actually missed his family.

"Yeah, but I still have to wear this stupid uniform. Being a cop's daughter doesn't really quicken the process to detective."

"You wanna be a detective like Sam?" Shit, he shouldn't have said his stepmother's name, he just reminded himself that he missed her too. He saw her the least, being a detective was a twenty four hour job.

"Yeah, but –"

"But can we please be a little more professional," Brendan interrupted the reunion with a disgruntled voice. "We have a crime suspect here."

Leela dropped her smile and adopted a serious face instead, but Ste could tell she was still trying to supress a grin. "Now, Ste, you can't be in people's houses if they ask you to leave."

"Oh please," Ste groaned, but Leela was all cop now.

"Ste, this isn't your house, so if Brendan says he wants you out, you have to leave. I'm gonna have to escort you out." His sister was having way too much fun being the authority figure here.

"Use the cuffs on him, Leela. That'd turn this whole shitty day around."

Ste decided to ignore the familiarity Brendan spoke to Leela with. He probably just got arrested by her a lot. There was no way Brendan still spoke to his family like they were his own. He used to barely tolerate them when they were together. "Leela, just get him to sign the papers and I'm gone."

"That's none of your business, Leela." But Brendan was too late, his sister was already approaching Ste and making grabby hands for the paperwork. He handed them over with a smug smile on his face that just made his darling husband sneer with irritation.

"A bill of divorce?" Leela said, her voice a little too high, signalling that she was shocked. "Bren, you said you took care of this."

Bren? What? Nope. No way were they close enough for her to call him Bren.

"I thought I did." Now it was Brendan's voice that was a little pitched from the obvious lie. Ste just scoffed and sat down on the sofa.

"If you're still married," Leela threw the papers down on the coffee table, "this is his house too. You dragged me all the way here for a domestic dispute, and I'm gonna sucker punch you, Brendan, for wasting my time."

"Oh please, you'd be chasing drunk kids away from the skateboard park if you weren't here." Brendan threw back at her with a type of menace that someone would use on their sister. Brendan had his own sister, he better had not have stolen Ste's too.

Leela raised her eyebrows and pouted slighted with annoyance at Brendan's disregard for her job. She tilted her head as she observed him, before turning to look at Ste again, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. "He didn't hit you did he, Ste? We take that stuff really seriously."

Ste's expression morphed to match his sisters as a smile began to play on both their lips, and behind them Brendan made a loud, exasperated sound, he even threw his hands up in the air like he couldn't believe how this had ended up happening. Ste's gaze drifted to meet Brendan's, who was looking at him with an expectant expression, and when Ste made no move to deny what Leela was asking, his face turned to resemble something that asked, _really?_

Ste sighed and shook his head, "no, he's never hit me. He would never do that."

No matter how many people Brendan had beat up in his life and how many fights he got into, Ste was never on the receiving end. Ste was the place he called home, and there was no way he'd break the one who gave him shelter, the one who gave him warmth. And when Ste left, he tried to ignore the part reminding him that with him gone, Brendan was left out cold.

Brendan muttered something like obviously, but Leela wasn't really paying attention anymore. She was looking at Ste again, kind of like she couldn't believe he was here. Ste couldn't believe it himself.

"Remember that time you guys –" Leela started, but she didn't get very far.

"Memory lane is closed, Lee," Brendan interrupted, clearly getting agitated.

Leela was Lee now. Flipping hell.

Ste's sister just continued to smile her arse off as she looked between Brendan and him, putting her hands on her hips. "You two have a lotta catching up to do, so I'm just gonna leave you to it." Then she spun on her heels and headed for the door.

"Leela, I dragged you over here to drag you bloody brother out," Brendan said at the same time Ste groaned, "stop annoying me, Brendan, and just sign the papers already."

Leela chuckled as she stepped out of the house, "the law is the law, Brendan. He's your husband." She ignored the displeased noise Ste made and carried on over him, "and while you're married, the house is his too."

"Okay, remember someone set fire to the bottom of your dress during Lucas's birthday barbecue? STE!"

"Shut up, Brendan, you nudged me and I dropped the match."

"And the dent in your dad's car? Yeah, Ste trying to learn how to drive."

"It's not my fault you're a crap teacher." Ste screamed at Brendan.

Leela just continued to laugh, talking as she began to walk away, "That's all Ste being an idiot, not arrest worthy."

Brendan swore under his breath and his fingers started drumming against the door as he kept it open, still wracking his brain to think of something that would get Ste out of the house.

"Wait, WAIT! He hasn't told the kids he's here _and _he was planning on leaving without seeing _any _of you!" Brendan called out to Leela's back, who had finally stopped walking away.

When Leela faced them again, her eyes were filled with fury, but Ste got in before she could say anything. "He's lying!"

"No, _he_ is. He'd probably see the kids, but if I hadn't dragged you here, you wouldn't have known he was back."

Leela stormed her way back to the house, determination in her eyes as she shoved past Ste and walked back in. He wasn't sure what she was up to until she grabbed his jacket, leaving the paperwork on Brendan's coffee table and made her way to him. She wrapped one of her hands around his wrist and started to haul him away from the house.

"Where the hell are you taking me?" Ste asked, panicked that maybe she had discovered a reason to arrest him after all.

"Home. We're having a family reunion, you arse crack."

Ah shit. He was not getting back to London anytime soon then. Behind him, Brendan guffawed in triumph as Leela urged Ste to unlock his car, seeing as she came to the house on foot. This day was not going how he planned.

"Hey _honey_," Brendan called out, "try not to crash into your father's car again when you park."

"Bite me," Ste replied through gritted teeth.

Brendan raised an eyebrow and quirked his lip into a one sided grin, the type that used to make Ste melt inside. "Maybe later, _babe._"

Then he slammed the door close while Ste prayed that Brendan didn't notice him salivate.


	3. What's Yours Is Mine

**Chapter 3 **

"Why didn't you tell me you became a cop?" Ste asked as he turned a corner, hoping he still remembered the way to his dad's house.

Leela was busy texting Amy to make way with the kids to his father's home, because she really did want a family reunion. Ste thought if he saw them all in one go, then he'd be out of there faster, seeing as he wouldn't need to make multiple trips to make sure he told everyone that he was back in town. Leela slipped the phone into her pocket and looked up at her brother with a face Ste could only describe as annoyed.

"I tried," Leela said in an exasperated tone. "Every time I called, you were busy, or you were just really exhausted. You know, Ste, calling to let your family know you're alive once a fortnight doesn't constitute as staying in touch."

Ste grumbled as he turned the car into the road that led to the family home. He thought that was all they wanted, just enough contact to know that Ste hadn't forgotten them. He was just glad that she hadn't brought up the point that video calling his kids once a week for about fifteen minutes was not enough involvement in their lives. He stopped the car outside the house, figuring he would just ignore the bitter tension in the air, then they could go back to her being excited about him being back.

Leela got out of the car without another word and waited until he joined her, before heading for the door. She told him to stay behind because she wanted to surprise everyone, and when she opened the door, Ste could feel his heart hammering against his chest. His daughter was behind that door, so was his son, and everyone he left behind because of one fucked up marriage. Leela kept her arms out to stop Ste from coming in, not that his feet would have moved, anyway.

"Everyone," Leela shouted. "Gather in the living room. Rose stop kicking Lucas and come sit down."

There were sounds of movement coming from inside the house and a boy saying that he was going to get someone back later. It was Lucas, Lucas his baby who was ten years old and grown up now, and he was probably talking to Rose. Ste had always wanted his kids to have a massive family; it was just him, his mum and stepdad growing up, until his dad found him again. He had hated being an only child, so that was why something warm unfurled in Ste's stomach in the knowledge that his kids not only had one another, but they had a cousin too, they had aunts and a granddad and Sam even let them call her gran… Sometimes. She felt old when they did that. And Ste wasn't even around to see them all bond, and he never really asked about it either because he was too scared that it would feel too much like they didn't need him to have a family.

Ste was lost in his thoughts when a hand curled into the front of his shirt and hauled him in with a loud, "SURPRISE!"

There were shocked sounds all round, his dad was grinning and asking him what brought him home. Sam was squealing with Amy, both of them looking at him like if they touched him, he might evaporate into the air. Perrie was saying something like it was about time he came home, and Tegan was trying to explain to Rose who he was. He last spoke to the little girl when she was about three, and she probably didn't remember that. But he wasn't really paying attention to any of that because his arms were filled with the warm body of his daughter, holding him tight. But there was someone missing. Amongst the sounds, he couldn't hear Lucas.

Ste pulled his daughter away, just far enough to kiss her on the forehead and tell her how much she had grown up, before asking, "where's your brother?"

Leah spun her head round to look at the rest of the group, "behind mum. Mum, move."

Ah the beautiful attitude of a pre-teen.

Amy was still grinning when she moved aside to reveal Lucas sitting on the sofa with a blank look on his face.

"Hey Lucas, you not gonna give me a hug?"

Lucas stood up and approached him a little robotically and put his arms around Ste, Leah moving out of the way to make room. Ste's son's embrace was a little stiff, and something Ste had been worrying about for a while was beginning to get more and more clear. Ste had noticed Lucas getting more and more distant whenever they spoke, their conversations seemingly a mere obligation to him. It was like he was talking on the phone to a relative he knew of, but wasn't really close to.

"Hey, dad." Lucas mumbled before pulling away and going back to sit on the sofa.

Amy gave their son a displeased look before making her way to hug him too. He wanted to tell her not to be angry with him, because Ste got it. He left when Lucas was only four, he was the dad that bought him stuff and paid for all the important school necessities, but not one that tucked him into bed at night, or the one who stayed up with him when he had a nightmare. Even when they went on holidays, Lucas had always done his own thing. Ste was a pathetic excuse for a father, and Lucas had every right feeling awkward around him. It hurt Ste, but it was his own fault.

After Amy let him go, his dad, Sam, Perrie and Tegan had their turns to hug him, and Ste made a mental note to have the big brother talk with Perrie. The girl he left behind was a woman now, and it was his duty to make her as uncomfortable as possible by interrogating her about boyfriends and everything else that would make her skin crawl.

He just about managed to sit down when the questions started getting thrown at him.

"How did you bump into Leela? She was supposed to be on call today." Sam asked, as she started tidying the living room, like Ste was a guest she had to impress or something. It grated at him that she didn't feel comfortable enough to leave the place looking like it was well lived in.

Ste was about to answer when Leela started laughing, "Brendan called in a trespassing, but –"

"But, he's just an idiot who was trying to wind me up." He didn't want his sister revealing that he only came back for a divorce.

"Brendan's funny," Perrie said, grabbing a pillow and placing it on the floor so she could sit on it in front of him.

"He's not funny, he's irritating. I can't believe he had the nerve to try and get me arrested, that's his thing."

"He doesn't get arrested anymore," Leah said from beside him, like she was trying to sell Brendan to him again. Dammit, he thought she was old enough to understand that they were completely over.

"Honey, he got arrested on our wedding day, we didn't even get our first dance. That counts as a life time of arrests."

Perrie sniggered on the ground, reminding him that she had always found Brendan's deviancy extremely cool. Looks like the boyfriend talk was going to have to extend into a lecture about the right and wrong type of people she should be seeing. He just hoped she learnt from his mistakes.

Sam interrupted any further questioning in the direction of Brendan by asking if he wanted anything to drink, or maybe she could cook him something because he must have been really tired of cooking for himself. Ste guessed he should have appreciated the sentiment, but the fact that she thought he had to cook for himself made it seem like she assumed he probably hadn't moved on from Brendan. He didn't say anything though, he just shook his head and looked down at his son who was playing on a games console by his side.

"What you got there, Lucas?"

"Just a game." The boy mumbled without looking away from the thing.

"It's really impressive looking, did your mum get it for you?"

"Nope. Brendan. Last Christmas."

Ste sapped his head round to look at the mother of his children with eyes that threatened to fall out of his skull. "WHAT?!"

"Ste," Amy started, her voice cautious. "I can't stop him from giving the kids presents."

Ste wanted to scream that yes, she could. She was their mother, she could have demanded he stay away from them. She used to demand it all the time when Ste was with him. She had even made Ste an ultimatum years ago in which she asked him to choose whether he wanted to be with Brendan, or if he wanted to see his kids. She came round eventually, but making demands was not something that was foreign to Amy.

Then something else clicked.

"This was last Christmas. The one I asked you to come see me for with the kids." It was the only time in the year that Eddie refused to let Ste work all hours.

Amy looked at Ste guiltily, but it was Leah who spoke, "Dad, don't get angry. She did ask us if we wanted to go, but Eileen was spending the holidays with Declan and Paddy at her parents, so Brendan was going to be all alone."

Ste laughed mirthlessly and stood up, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. "You stayed to keep my ex-husband company on Christmas because he was going to be alone, but you didn't think about the fact that I was going to by meself."

Technically, he had Doug and his obnoxious parents that Christmas. But they didn't know that, and he would've ditched them in a second if his kids and Amy had turned up.

"Ste, it wasn't like that," Amy said pleadingly. "You invited us last minute and I had work, it would have been impossible for me to go. Lucas was too scared to go without me and Leah was eleven, I couldn't send her by herself. Brendan being alone was just how things coincided. It wasn't us picking him over you."

Ste was about to argue that it sounded like they were all pretty cosy with him regardless, but before he could say anything Lucas spoke willingly for the first time. "I don't know what you're getting angry about, Dad. You went to see him today, before you came to see us."

Ste didn't know how to reply to that because that was exactly what had happened. He did put his kids second to getting everything sorted with Brendan. And no matter how much he told himself he left this place and not his kids, they were still left behind. And the closest thing they had to their dad afterwards, was Brendan, and if the man he married was like anything he remembered, he would never have turned Leah and Lucas away. Brendan had even demanded that Ste see his kids before they talk, and now Ste couldn't help thinking that he had been replaced by the man he swore he didn't love anymore.

"I'm sorry about that," Ste sighed. "I was just hoping to get something sorted with him before I came to see you guys, that way I would have had my sole attention on you and your sister."

Ste sat back down next to his kids, but Lucas just shrugged and acted like he didn't care either way. Leah tilted her head to lean it against his shoulder and told him not to worry about Lucas, because apparently her brother was only happy when he was locked away in his room with no one bothering him. Ste tried to offer his daughter a smile like he understood, but no one in the room believed it. Instead, he sighed and dragged his hands through his hair.

It was time to tell them about a certain someone.

"Guys, I met someone in London. He's from America, though, but yeah." Ste announced, making Sam form sounds like she was pleased for him, but the two bodies beside him stiffened. He ignored it and carried on, "we're getting married."

Lucas shot his head round to look at his father, whilst Leah looked at her mum. His sisters and dad were mumbling their congratulations, but none of it seemed genuine. None of them were really happy for him. Lucas stood up and walked up the stairs without saying a word, before Leah quietly said something like how she'd go talk to him. Little Rose just asked if she could be the flower girl.

Ste sighed and stood up, "I'm gonna go find a hotel for the night. I'll pop by to see the kids tomorrow, Ames."

His best friend told him not to be silly, how they had room for him at her place, but Ste was already opening the front door. He looked up towards the stairs once before he left the house.

The next morning Ste was on the phone to his lawyer as he drove back into town. If Brendan wasn't going to give him a divorce, he'd go through the court. But according to Thomas, his lawyer, that could take over a year if Brendan was as reluctant as Ste was saying. Ste didn't have a year, hell he had to be back in London in less than two weeks. He ended up chucking the phone into the passenger's side with an aggravated growl in his throat.

He was barely paying any attention to his surroundings when he parked his car and started walking towards the bank, not really listening to someone wolf whistle at him as he walked past them. But they wouldn't let it go, they kept cat calling and asking him what exercises he did to get such a tight backside like he apparently had. He turned around with an insult on the tip of his tongue when he realised who it was.

"Mitzeee," he said as the woman started running towards him in her five inch heels. She was a true athlete. She jumped into his arms and he instantaneously lifted her off the ground to spin her around.

"Ste, you cutie, I didn't know you were back." She grinned at him as he put her back down on the ground.

"Yeah, I had a few loose ends to tie up. Shit, Mitzeee, you get more and more stunning every day."

Mitzeee blushed and swatted him in the arm, but he was being completely honest. The woman was in her thirties, she had a kid and she looked better than he had ever seen her. She still had her beautiful brown locks, but they were no longer back combed till the point she looked like a bobble head figure. Everything about her was more composed, like she didn't need to impress anyone anymore, she was her own woman now.

"Well, age looks good on you too, you're not so scrawny anymore."

Ste laughed at that, "shut up, I had muscles back then, I just wore a lot of layers."

Mitzeee snorted instead of just outright saying that she didn't believe him, however she was right. He had more definition now. It was what happened when he was forced to lead a more active life. Becoming one of the best chefs in the City wasn't something he could do by lying on his backside all day. And if he wanted to go into partnership with Eddie for a new restaurant, he had to prove that he was more than just a cook.

"What have you been up to, Mitzeee? I don't see you in the magazines anymore, what's a man supposed to jerk off to now?" Ste asked, laughing when Mitzeee made a disgusted face.

"I guess only one Hollyoaks resident is allowed to be famous at a time. I've seen all the reviews raving about you, you've made quite the name for yourself."

Now it was Ste's turn to blush. It was true that _Eddie's _had gotten a lot of publicity in the past two years, and that was part of the reason he was so busy and tired all the time. "Yeah, yeah, you should come down sometimes, see what the hell those reviews are talking about."

Mitzeee's smile faltered a little, but she covered the hesitancy up before Ste could enquire about it. "Yeah, maybe."

Ah, Brendan's best friend. She wasn't going to go and visit the guy who broke her closest friend's heart. But apparently, it was completely okay for Brendan to steal his kids and everyone Ste cared about. Dammit, he had thought the sleep would have made him less bitter about the fact that Leah and Lucas had been with Brendan last year, when they were supposed to have come seen him.

"What are you doing in town?" Ste thought it was better to change the subject than tell Mitzeee to tell her darling friend to stay away from his family.

"I'm actually on my way home," Mitzeee replied. "I just had to pick a few stuff up for Phoenix's school play. We have to make the bloody costumes ourselves."

"Well, I'm just on my way to the bank, but I'll see you around, yeah?"

Mitzeee raised an eyebrow, "you sticking around for a while?"

Apparently he had to. He couldn't wait a year, he needed those divorce papers signed. And he needed to talk to his kids about getting married again. More than that, he had to make amends for being a shitty dad.

"Couple of weeks."

Mitzeee smiled and nodded before kissing him on the cheeks and wiping away the lipstick mark she let behind. She sashayed away, her hips swinging in that hypnotic manner they always had. If Ste was straight, Phoenix would have had someone new to call Daddy.

Ste walked the rest of the way to the bank, and when he opened the door, it made an irritating sound to signal that someone had come in. He wanted to get a large sum of money out, maybe he could ask Brendan to sign the papers in exchange for it. Brendan's need to accumulate money in any way possible was part of the reason they weren't together anymore, so it could still prove to be an incentive for the older man. Ste tried not to think about how this method could probably go in the complete other direction and end up angering Brendan.

He asked the guy at the desk to withdraw the money, but when the banker received his personal details, instead of asking how much he wanted to get out, he asked, "do you want to withdraw money from your personal account or your joint one?"

Holy shit. He completely forgot he had an account with Brendan. Damn it, why hadn't he remembered that when he was slumming it in a studio apartment, eating pot noodle three times a day? It would've prevented at least a year's worth of taste bud cruelty.

"Erm, can I see how much I have in the joint account?" Ste asked. Maybe he could pay off Brendan with his own money, that'd be kind of hilarious.

The man behind the desk swivelled the computer screen around to show Ste, and the number on the screen had his jaws hit the floor.

"Oh my god!" Ste shouted, a little too loud for such a small bank.

xxx

Ste heard Brendan before he saw him. The man slammed the front door shut so loud, the windows in the kitchen quaked. Ste braced himself and plastered a smile on his face, wiping his hands on the apron he wore. He picked up the glass of whisky he had poured and walked out of the kitchen. Time to start the show.

"Heya _honey_, long day at work? Here, have a drink." Ste put his arm out, offering the alcohol to the man. Brendan didn't even look down at the glass, preferring to try and kill Ste with the power of his gaze and mind.

"Cut the bull crap, Steven. How the hell did you get in here?" Brendan walked around Ste, checking all his windows and doors.

"You know, _sweetheart,_ considering the amount of people that came after you and… others, I would've thought you changed your locks." Ste commented as he followed Brendan around, and nearly bumped into him when the older man abruptly stopped and spun around.

"I dunno, _sweetcheeks_, maybe I was hoping you'd walk in through the door one day." Brendan tried to make it seem like he was being sarcastic, but the underlying anger in his speech made it obvious that subconsciously, at least, that was exactly what he had been hoping. At some point or another.

Ste refused to drop the act. He would not get into all that. "Well, here I am." He turned around and headed back to the kitchen to finish making dinner. "I went to the store today to pick out some curtains for the living room, because really, honey, black? Anyway, everything looked like it belonged in a trailer, so I thought I'd order some from London, but then I thought why not give the whole place a makeover. It could be so much fun. Oh my god, Brendan, we can wear matching overalls when we paint the walls, this is gonna be so great…"

Ste went on and on, even after Brendan stalked into the kitchen and told him to shut the hell up. When Ste looked like he wasn't about to stop anytime soon, Brendan decided to join in too. "You know, that sounds great. You do that. Spend all your money on this place."

Brendan was about to leave again, until Ste words stopped him short. "_Babe,_ I'm obviously gonna use the money from the joint account. Hey look, dinners ready. Gimme a sec while I prepare it for you, my amazing husband."

Brendan had his back to Ste, but the up and down movement of his shoulders were extremely reminiscent of when the older man's anger threatened to overflow and he was trying to calm himself. He brought a hand up to his temple and massaged the spot, probably hoping to chase away a migraine that threatened to make him feel like his head was splitting. The hand came down and fisted by his side as he slowly turned to face Ste, who still had the whole Stepford Wife thing going on.

"How much did you take?" His voice was too calm and collected to not have danger hanging from the tip of every syllable.

Ste just carried on smiling as he put food onto plates and sing-songed, "all of it."

Brendan's hand hit the worktop with a loud smack, "Jesus Christ, Steven."

"Well Brendan," Ste took the apron off, giving up his own calm role. "You want to be married to me, well this is what you're married to!" He threw the apron to the side and forgot all about the food he had been cooking. Damn, he should've put cyanide in Brendan's portion. Wait, Brendan probably would have suspected that, it was perhaps why he didn't drink the whiskey Ste had offered him. Ste shook the ridiculous notion away, "do I even wanna know how you got that kind of money? Did you rob an entire bank because fucking hell."

Brendan rotated the heel of his hands against his eyes, "you don't know what you're talking about." He was practically growling now. "Get. The Fuck. Out of my house."

Ste shoved past him to the living room and retrieved the divorce papers, before he returned back to Brendan, waving the sheets in his face. "Sign the papers and I'm gone. You can have all your blood money back."

Brendan was breathing a bit too heavily through his nose, his nostril flaring with wrath. "Fine," he said through gritted teeth. "Give me a pen."

Ste dug into his pockets for the item, as he reassured himself this was the right thing. He was right when he assumed Brendan would need money as a motivation to sign the papers. Once upon a time everything he did had been because he wanted to take care of his family, but Ste could tell he also like the power he gained from having all that cash. All Ste had to do was threaten to take it away, and Brendan was more than willing to do whatever he asked. Brendan was always going to put him second to the large sum in his bank.

Ste threw the pen at Brendan's chest and the older man caught it before it could fall to the floor. Ste was about to throw the papers at him too, but at the last second he drew them back. "What are you doing, storing all that money in the bank? You can't have dirty money in the system like that."

Brendan leaned in closer to Ste, his eyes fiercely blue and his teeth bared, "It's none of your fucking business."

With a cold realisation Ste figured out that the money wasn't dirty. Brendan was smarter than that, he always had what he made through deals in cash form. He wouldn't have put all that money in the bank, even if he had laundered it through the club. His place never did well enough to produce the type of money Brendan had stored away, HM revenue would have been on his butt ages ago.

"Brendan, I –"

"You know what, Steven. You stay out of my business, I stay out of yours and don't ask you about your boyfriend."

The anger left them both with that. Or at least it left Ste, Brendan on the other hand just looked like he had simmered down, like it would make no difference if he started shouting, because Ste was so far out of his reach. He could throw a tantrum about it, but the facts wouldn't change, Ste was seeing someone else.

"Who told you?" Ste asked in a voice so soft, it sounded nothing like how they had come to interact with each other.

"Steven, just because I don't talk much, it doesn't mean I'm stupid." He grabbed the papers from Ste's hand and went to the living room.

Ste followed him in a slow place, his feet weighed down with something that resembled grief. "Look, Brendan –"

"Don't, Steven. I always knew there was someone better out there for you." Brendan had his head bowed and his words were dripping with sadness. They were doused in pain and the acceptance of loss. "I married you when you were twenty, you had a whole world out there to explore."

Brendan was smiling up at him now, his eyes crinkling at the corner and glistening like moonlight on a diamond. Ste couldn't help but smile back, the tension in the air crackling until it diffused and gave away for a fresh wave of breeze, that finally allowed them to breathe in the same space without one of them letting out fire that exploded between them. Ste sat down on the empty love seat that was positioned opposite Brendan, and waited for him to sign the divorce papers, ending their ties.

Brendan rummaged through the sheets until suddenly he sighed deeply like had just spontaneously remembered something. He stood up so suddenly, the papers on the coffee table flew up a few centimetres. "Ah, damn, Steven, I just remembered I have a hot date tonight."

He shrugged out of his suit jacket and threw it at Ste, making it fall over his face, and when he removed it, Brendan was unbuttoning his shirt. Shit, was he allowed to do that with Ste in the room? This was so unfair, Brendan topless was unfair. The older man shrugged out of the white material and threw that at Ste too, and the thing just had to smell amazing, didn't it? Bollocks, Brendan still smelt the same, cologne mixed with Brendan's everlasting musk that used to – god dammit, still did – make Ste's mouth water. Brendan toed off his shoes and left the room as he began to unbuckle his trousers, slipping them off and leaving them on the ground before taking the stairs up, two at a time. Ste should not have followed him out, what's more, he should not have watched his butt till it disappeared around the corner.

"You don't mind if I ask my lawyer to look those over, do you?" Brendan hollered from upstairs.

"What are you playing at, Brendan?" Ste was still trying to get over seeing Brendan semi naked to put the anger that probably should've been in those words.

"I just wanna make sure I still have a roof over my head after I've signed those," Brendan was walking down the stairs again, now in a black, V neck sweater, boots and black jeans that he was still doing up as he made his way back to the ground floor.

"Brendan, for god's sake, I don't want this house. Or your club. Or anything that belongs to you." Okay, the anger was coming back now.

"Pretty sure you wanted my arse a second ago." Brendan tilted his head and smiled like he was the most fucking alluring thing that had ever graced Ste's presence, and fuck him for being exactly that.

"Just. Sign. The shitting papers." Ste managed to squeeze out through his fury.

"Shitting papers? Love what you've done with your vocabulary there," Brendan laughed as he bent down – giving Ste a perfect view of his backside – to dig out his wallet from the pocket of his slacks.

"Are you gonna sign them or what?"

Brendan stood up straight, putting away his wallet and burying his hands in his trouser pockets as he rocked back on his heels like he was really thinking about it. "Nah, but thanks for dropping by,_ sugar._"

He walked to the front door, whistling as he went and left, but not before he asked Ste to lock up before he went home. And Ste just stood there with steam coming out of his ears and his anger reaching boiling point. Just when he thought he was getting somewhere with the older man, Brendan had to turn around and be a giant dick. Ste didn't even get to tell him off about stealing his kids last Christmas, he had hoped that Brendan would sign first and then when Ste confronted him, he couldn't take it back to spite him. He wanted to know exactly how much he was involved with everyone that was Ste's. He had gone to see his kids again, and Lucas was still as cold as ever, while Leah's enthusiasm and interest in Doug was painfully fake. He only had Brendan to blame for that, and he bloody well wanted to scream at him for it.

And what the hell was this about a date? Ste figured that Brendan was probably seeing someone, what with the smiley face he had opened the office door for Ste the previous day. But a date? Brendan didn't go on dates, he most certainly didn't take Ste until they were very much in a serious relationship. That was not jealousy bubbling inside of him, no way, nope. He was not jealous about his husband, no ex-husband – technicalities didn't count – going on a date with someone else. Ste had a fiancé, and a great one at that, it didn't matter that Brendan was seeing other people because Ste was marrying other people, person, whatever.

Ste may or may not have screamed into the silence of the house, before he too stormed out. slamming the door shut harder than he knew he was capable of. He doubled back when he realised he forgot to lock up, but then turned away again when he realised he didn't give a shit. He got into his car and started driving in the direction of the pub that Brendan was probably headed to. Everyone went there.

Let's see how much Brendan liked having his doting husband hover in the background of his date.


	4. Till Divorce Do Us Part?

**Chapter 4**

Ste could have walked to the pub if he wanted, but he didn't want to leave the car in Brendan's driveway. He wouldn't put it past the older man to do something juvenile like scratch the paintwork with his keys, really, the man still sucked on lollipops like they were sweets from the gods above. Anyway, he didn't go straight to the pub. First, he made a stop back to the hotel to change his clothes in to something a little more night out worthy. He ended up wearing a dark grey button up, with dark jeans. He still felt more comfortable wearing his trackies, but he had made sure to buy clothes more fashionable when he moved to London. Peer pressure was a bitch.

He made it to The Dog in The Pond within an hour, his hair styled and his pulse thrumming beneath his skin. This was where everyone hung out, so it was more than likely that he'd bump into a few people he used to know. Shit, he just remembered he hadn't told Tony he was about. Great, another thing for people in the village to scold him about; he got his real dad back, so he forgot all about the man who was a father figure to him when he had no one. Ste cracked his knuckled, took a few breaths and walked up to the pub, pushing the door open and slipping his head in to make sure Brendan really was there. Or anyone he knew for that matter, because he really needed a beer and he didn't want to drink by himself.

Ste only managed to get a foot in to get a better look when his phone rang. He dug the thing out of his jacket pocket and looked at the name. It was Doug, anyone else and he might have ignored it, but he really needed to hear his fiancé's voice. He stepped back out and answered the phone with a cheery, "Doug, I am so glad you called."

The man on the other end laughed fondly, "I miss you too. How are things going over there?"

"Shit. I just wanna be back home and in bed with you."

"Let's be honest, if you were here, you'd be at _Eddie's_." Doug didn't have any bitterness in his tone. He wasn't resentful about how much time Ste spent working. But that was probably because he couldn't compare Ste to how he used to be, when work was an obligation more than an obsession.

"Yeah, maybe, but I really wanna be with you. People are driving me crazy here."

Doug laughed again on the other end, "well, I have something that might cheer you up. You had an American critic at _Eddie's_ about a week ago."

"What, no. I don't remember this."

"He didn't mention it. He wanted to see how you treated any regular customer, how your food tasted when you thought you weren't going to be critiqued for it."

Oh shit, now Ste was going to have to recall all the dishes he made in the last week, remember if he screwed up in any way. Doug could probably hear the cogs moving because he told Ste to calm down. "He was really impressed, babe. He's from the New York Times – my mum sent me a copy – and he named _Eddie's _to be_ the_ place to eat. He called you a 'magician amongst chefs', also he can't believe that you don't have your own chain of restaurants."

"I like working for Eddie," Ste mumbled. He didn't want to leave that place. Eddie may own the restaurant, but he let Ste run it. He let him do whatever he wanted with the menu, and if he did open the new place he was thinking of, he planned to do it with his boss.

"I know you do. But that's not what's important here. The New York Times has a massive audience, you're about to get a lot more tourists visiting the place. Methinks you're about to go worldwide."

Ste laughed. That was a bit too much, but he appreciated Doug's optimism. "I really needed to hear that. I really needed to hear your voice."

"You'll be back soon, right?"

"I hope so, I love you."

"I love you, too." Doug said, and Ste could almost hear him smiling on the other end.

They hung up after Ste promised to call him tomorrow, and with that he turned his attention back to the pub. It was great hearing from his fiancé, but he had a task on hand. He put the phone back in his pocket and stepped into the pub. It was louder than Ste had remembered, not just from people speaking in a vociferous manner, but there was music playing. Ste couldn't remember if the place used to play music any time outside of some kind of holiday. He dismissed it and started to approach the bar when someone grabbed him from the back.

"If it isn't my favourite brother in law." The voice screeched into his ear.

Ste spun around to see the wide, lipstick coated smile that could only belong to Cheryl. He could barely say hey to her before she drew him into a tight embrace that had his ribs jabbing into his lungs. He tried really hard not to make any choking sounds, but he's pretty sure he wasn't completely successful. Regardless, she didn't let him go, in fact, she rocked him side to side a bit as her arms tightened even more around him.

"Chez, you're hurting me." He managed to heave out.

"Oh sorry," Cheryl giggled, letting him go. "What brings my beautiful brother in law back to this humble village?"

"Soon to be ex brother in law," Ste flashed her his ring, that he had retrieved from the glove box now that Brendan was aware of the situation.

"Babe, wow," Cheryl still smiled as she held on to his hands to have a better look, but it had lost all its good humour. "Who's the lucky guy?"

"His name is Doug, he's American." Ste said with over enthusiasm to compensate for the lack of eagerness from everyone else.

"That's great, hun," she dropped his hand and cupped his face instead. "Let me have a look at you, you've gotten all handsome."

She didn't wait for Ste to respond to that, opting to order him a beer on tap instead. Well, at least she wasn't talking about her brother. That was the thing about Cheryl, she may have been Brendan's sister, but she never once hated Ste for leaving him. He spoke to her a week after arriving in London to apologise for leaving without saying goodbye, and she said it was okay, that he had to do what he had to do. She probably thought he'd be back, like he had all the other time he swore it was over with Brendan before their marriage. When they got married, he only said goodbye once and he meant it.

They were talking about Ste's job and the review by the Yankee critic and what that would mean for him when his sisters and Amy walked in, waving at them before heading their way. Apparently Cheryl had texted Amy about Ste being in the pub, and Amy had texted his sisters, so they could have a proper night out together. Apparently the kids were with Ste's father and Sam. He felt a bit uncomfortable with the knowledge that his children were only a few minutes away, and instead of spending the limited time he had with them, he was in the bar trying to antagonise his ex, who, by the way, was nowhere to be seen.

"You looking for that hubby of yours?" Perrie whispered into his ear when the rest of the girls guffawed at something Tegan had said.

"He's not my husband, and Perrie, I'm extremely uncomfortable with my youngest sister having a night out with me."

Perrie laughed at that, her head tilted back and everything. "I don't know if time stands still in London, but I'm twenty now. Pretty sure you were hitched by that age."

"Yeah, and look how that turned out." Ste said, before taking a sip of his drink as he looked around for the man who put a ring on his finger, but refused to take it off now.

"He's by the pool table." Perrie whispered to him again.

"Who?" Ste asked, feigning ignorance, but he could see the older man now.

"Don't give me that," his youngest sister laughed and walked off to get another drink, leaving him to figure out a way to approach Brendan, without making it obvious he came specifically for the man.

He finished his glass and stormed over to where Brendan was with his back to Ste, talking to someone who was sitting down. He was leaning on a cue stick, one hand wrapped around it, and another in his pocket. Ste couldn't hear what was being said in the conversation he was having, but Brendan's posture made him appear to be a bit bored on his date. Maybe he just wanted to get laid, so he didn't give a shit if the guy he was talking to was interesting or not.

"Hey Bren," Ste called.

Brendan spun around and moved out of the way to reveal a blonde guy, young, probably younger than Ste. Brendan was in his late thirties and he still had game, if Ste didn't hate him so much, he'd congratulate him. The blonde twink was definitely cute, and he had something strangely familiar about him.

"What the hell do you want?" Brendan rolled his eyes, and huffed in annoyance.

"I just wanna introduce meself to your hot date." He put his hands out to the guy in question for a shake, who took it with a confused reluctance. "You must be the hot date. I'm the annoying as fuck, evil, ex husband, who he hates but refuses to divorce, even though I'm getting married to someone else."

"Wow, that's a lot to take in," The guy drawled out in a heavy Liverpudlian accent, and turned his head to look at Brendan. "You're married."

Brendan sighed and asked his date to give them a minute, before turning on Ste, "what are you doing, Steven?"

"Why do you have to make me be a prick to you? We could have had an amicable divorce, but noooo, you have to make me be the bad guy in front of all your friends."

"Hey," came a voice from a source Ste hadn't noticed was there. Mitzeee had a small, hurt frown on her face, "we're your friends as well."

Said the woman who had looked highly reluctant to visit him when he asked. Cheryl was behind him now, and she had a hand on his shoulder, pulling him back, and he let her but only so far. He was pissed off now. He didn't want to be here, not just in the pub, but this village. He shrugged out of her grip and rounded on her instead. She was a Brady, and that was good enough a reason to bite her head off.

"Did you know that your brother has been playing house with my kids? You're drug dealer brother?"

There was a _what the fuck_ from Mitzeee, and Amy just frowned at him in disappointment. What? He was the bastard for pointing out that she let their kids spend time with a guy she knew was into bad things. He might have married the man, but he had the sense to leave him too. Cheryl just looked like he had bitch slapped her, went to the future and bitch sapped all her babies too. Brendan didn't say anything.

"Ste, would you stop the kids from seeing me?" Cheryl asked, her face still upset for her brother.

"No," Ste breathed. "You're their aunt Cheryl."

"I'm their aunt, step aunt. Brendan was, _is_ their stepdad."

There was a silence amongst their group while Ste digested that. He never stopped to think about how Brendan's relationship with the kids would be affected when he left. He just assumed that they'd stop seeing each other if he wasn't around, and the kids never brought Brendan up, so he supposed they were done with him. He never considered that the bond the three of them had formed was that of father and children. Not everybody was like Ste's stepdad.

The silence lingered, until suddenly it was broken by Perrie, "hey are there anymore cue sticks left, so I can play, or should I just pull out the one in Ste's butt?"

Ste turned to look at his sister with a frown, but she just shrugged at him with a quirk of her lips. Then out of nowhere, Brendan started laughing, followed by Mitzeee, then their whole group was at it, and the tension, well it wasn't gone, but it was as if they had made a collective decision to ignore its presence. Cheryl bought shots for them, and somehow they ended up all sitting together – Brendan's date missing – and making a drinking game out of shooting darts.

They were playing in teams; Perrie, Leela, Brendan, Cheryl and Darren, who had joined in were on one side, and Ste, Mitzeee, Tegan, Amy and Tony, who made an appearance after Ste called him to tell him to come for a drink, was on the other. Mitzeee, well Mitzeee wasn't designed to through sharp arrows across a room, and on top of that she was drunk, they all were, but her aim went stupid crazy with a few shots down her throat. And that was why Ste was behind her, her backside pressed against his crotch as he held onto her hands to teach her how to shoot. Except, their position kept making them giggle, and when she grinded back against him, the dart went flying through the air, and pierced a sofa chair.

Darren was scolding them, but his rant was interrupted by Tony's own one. The poor man had to spend a half hour listening to Ste moan about how Brendan was being a childish arsehole, so now he was trying to end it for Ste. "Brendan, when are you going to give the poor boy his divorce?"

Brendan plucked the darts out of the board and raised an eyebrow as he took position for his turn, "he's waited six years, I'm pretty sure he can wait a little while longer."

"Oh please, like it's gonna change anything," Ste grumbled as he swayed and tried not to fall off his seat on the stool.

"Well," Darren said, "you never know, Brendan's completely –"

"He can think what he wants." Brendan threw a dart before he continued, "he made up his mind about me a long time ago."

"Yeah, because some people never change," Ste drawled as he took another shot.

Brendan threw the rest of his darts, the arrows whizzing through the air at a speed that must've taken a lot of force from Brendan's end. It was just him and Ste now. It was a good thing they were playing with alcohol rather than real money, and Ste might have voiced that.

"Hey Darren, it's a good thing this wasn't a betting game. You'd probably bet your dad's pub again."

Apparently that wasn't as funny as Ste had thought it was in his head.

"Well, at least I sort my problems out, rather than run from them." Darren replied, anger and hurt in his voice.

But now he wasn't the only one who was angry. No way, no fucking way, they didn't know shit about him and Brendan, they didn't know how Ste was scared shitless every night, worried if it was going to be that night that Brendan was killed, or if he ended up killing someone else.

"Why don't you shut the fuck up?"Ste was about to say some more, when Jack, Darren's father, was telling him maybe he'd had enough alcohol for the night. Then Cheryl was agreeing, talking about how they should hit the road, treating him like a petulant child.

"You know what, I am gonna get out of here. I_ have_ had enough." Ste took a few steps backwards, but the malice hadn't stopped running through his veins yet. He knew they all judged him for leaving his entire family behind, for leaving Brendan when he did. So rather than stepping out, he started laughing mirthlessly, "how do you all live here? This place is like a fucking siren call for everything that's messed up." There was an arm around his waist, pulling him back, but he still couldn't shut up, "people are bat shit crazy, kidnapping their own children for ransom, and don't even get me started on the serial killer who was under everyone's noses."

He would've carried on if he wasn't flung outside, the evening air hitting his face with the realisation that he just offended people he had known for years. But before he could even think about going back in to apologise, Brendan was shouting at him in his face. They've had a lot of screaming matches since he'd been back, but the anger in the older man's face was nothing like before. The other times he could put it down to Brendan being annoying and wanting to get a rise out of him, but right now, he looked like really couldn't understand what happened to the kid he used to know and love.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing, walking in there on your high fucking horse, because I don't need to remind you, Steven, you've done your fair share of shit and they've never thrown that in your face?"

"Just shut up, Brendan. This is all your fault." Ste slurred as he started to walk to his car.

"My fault? You turn up out of the blue, steal my money and insult people who have done absolutely nothing to you, and it's my fault."

"EVERYTHING IS YOUR FAULT!" Ste shouted so loud he hurt his own head.

"Fuck you, you married me knowing exactly who I was, what I did." Brendan wasn't shouting back, but his voice was stern, as if he was done solely blaming himself for everything.

"Whatever, Bren," Ste started digging around in his pocket, looking for his keys. He did know what he married, he just thought that Brendan would've had the good sense to realise when enough was enough. Realise when he was no longer helping his family, but hurting them. Ste managed to recover his car keys, but Brendan was on him, struggling to take them.

"If you wanna kill yourself," The older man was finding it hard to talk at the same time as trying to snatch the keys from a squirmy, fidgeting Ste. The man was getting ancient. "You can do it somewhere else."

He practically ripped Ste's arms off in his haste to stop him from driving while drunk. He put the keys in his own pocket and shoved Ste when the younger man came at him to try and grab them back. Brendan was freakishly sober, and Ste hated that he couldn't remember him drinking any more than one glass of whiskey, almost as if he knew he'd probably would have had to be sober enough to make sure Ste didn't do anything stupid. Like old times. Ste wasn't going to get his keys back any time soon, so he pushed Brendan as hard as he could, which wasn't very hard considering his current state, so he ended up on the floor rather than Brendan, who barely moved an inch back. He picked himself up, mumbling something about scraping his palm, and began to walk home. He could hear Brendan's frustrated sounds, and then before he knew it, the older man was standing in front of him, throwing him over his shoulder like some kind of Neanderthal.

"Get in the car," he grunted as he shoved Ste in there himself and buckled him into the passenger's side of Ste's own car.

"Don't you think I'm too old for you to be manhandling me, go back to your barely of age date." Ste threw at Brendan, hoping to piss him off some more.

It didn't quite work. Instead, it just reminded the man that he had been at the pub with someone else. He muttered a shit and stalked back into the pub, making sure to take the car keys with him in case Ste got any bright ideas. He must've had been apologising to the teen he called a date, who Ste suddenly realised looked familiar because he looked like Ste. Shit, that would've been hilarious if he couldn't feel sick rising in the back of his throat from excess alcohol. Brendan came back out with Amy behind him, who was nodding away, before they both climbed into the car. Amy in the back and Brendan in the driver's seat.

He should've expected what happened next.

As soon as Brendan started the engine, and Ste could feel the vibration of it in the car, the vomit flooded into his mouth, past his lips and onto Brendan's lap. The older man snarled something like charming, but Ste couldn't be sure, he conked out as soon as they hit the road.

The next morning, he woke up with a massive headache, his daughter grinning at him, way too happy for such early hours in the morning. He turned his head and looked at the time, nope, it was past noon. He wasn't in the hotel, but his old bedroom, the one he used to sleep in when he lived with Amy and the kids. Ah crap, he had minute flashbacks of Brendan carrying him inside, bridal style, and putting him in bed. Great.

"Dad, you snore so loud when you sleep," Leah was still grinning at him as she passed him a glass of cloudy water; Amy must've predicted the hangover he had and prepared him a solution. He drank it all the way and put the glass on the bedside table, without really looking at what he was doing. Instead, he grabbed his daughter and pulled her into the bed with him, cuddling her tight as she squealed, "you smell of sick and alcohol." She fought him, but not with enough effort to set herself free. She complained about being ticklish when he buried his face in her neck, but they both had missed this; lazy days just playing.

"Mum says if you're up, you have to make us lunch," came the grumpy voice of Ste's son.

Ste leaned up to look at him, "hey buddy, you wanna cuddle?"

Lucas looked conflicted, like he did wanna cuddle with his dad, he did wanna be as happy as his sister, but he didn't feel any real connection with the man offering it. He just shook his head and left the room, leaving Ste to feel like he wanted to grab the boy and shake him, make him understand that leaving had nothing to do with him. He didn't though, opting to sigh deeply and get up to take a shower instead. Amy had kept some of his clothes, so he took out a pair of sweats and a t-shirt and left his daughter in his bed, asking if he was okay.

He made the kids and Amy lunch, Amy ooh and aahing at the taste, whilst Leah just said that yeah, it was nice, but she didn't see the big deal. What does she know? She was twelve years old, her palate hadn't become as sophisticated as an adult's yet for her to truly appreciate his art. Lucas didn't say anything other than whether they could go out today. Ste knew that the suggestion was Amy's doing, but he couldn't help feeling a spike of hope at his son spending time with him. Ste told him as soon as they cleared their plates away, he'd take them to Chester zoo or something, a proper family day out. Lucas opened his mouth to say something at that, but a kick from his sister had him closing it again.

The kids were getting ready when Ste realised that he didn't actually have any going-out-of-the-house-and-not-looking-like-a-scally clothes in Amy's place. So he put on his outfit from the night before and slipped on his shoes in the living room. Now, his keys, where were his keys?

"Lucas?" Ste called out, "can you check if my car keys are in my room, please?" He could've done it himself, but he still had a headache and wanted to move as little as possible.

Lucas thumped out of his room and across the hall into Ste's old one, to do as his father asked. Ste was watching Jeremy Kyle on TV when his son threw the keys at his chest. Ste looked up to say thanks, but not to throw things, when he saw his son holding a small collection of papers in his hand, looking at whatever it said really intently. Ste was about to ask what it was when Lucas looked at him with a miserable face.

"Congratulations, dad," he said, and placed the papers on the table in front of Ste.

Ste reached out and grabbed them, realising what it was before he even had a hold of the papers. Brendan had signed the bill of divorce.


	5. The Ribbons That Bind Us

**Chapter 5**

"Alright guys, I need you to sit tight for a few minutes, I have to go talk to Darren." Ste unbuckled his seat build as Leah nodded, whilst Lucas just continued playing on his games console. That thing that Brendan had gotten him and Ste was going to smash the first chance he got.

Amy couldn't come along, seeing as she had marking to do for her classes the next day, so it was just Ste and the kids off to the zoo. Leah was all excited and jumpy about seeing the animals, whereas Lucas seemed to have retreated further into himself. Much to his horror, the behaviour reminded Ste of a younger him, who was so angry at his mum that he just hid within himself, too scared that if he allowed came out, he'd lash out and just cry. He didn't want to cry in front of someone who he secretly still wanted the approval of.

Ste left the kids in the car as he walked into the pub, straight away seeing the man he wanted, "Darren, can I speak to you for a second?"

The other man seemed wary, but he sighed and signalled for Ste to follow him to the back, "look, Ste, I don't want any trouble, so if –"

"No," Ste interrupted. "I'm here to apologise. I was out of order last night, I haven't drank like that in a long time, I don't know how to handle it anymore. I should probably apologise o every person in the pub, but I insulted you personally, so, yeah. Sorry."

Ste and Darren were never really friends. They had the occasional drink together, but it was a small village, everyone had drinks with everyone at some point. For some people, they managed to fuck their way through everyone. But that probably wasn't something Ste should say if he was trying to make amends. The point was, that, yeah, it was a small village, so hurting one person's feelings was like asking for everyone to get up in your business, and throw their opinions about it around. It wasn't worth the hassle. Even if Ste wasn't going to be around for much longer, now that he had what he came for. But he couldn't leave with how things were with his kids, so that meant staying friendly with the locals.

"It's fine, Ste. You were never the most friendly person with a few pints in you,"

"Eya!" Ste exclaimed, but the man was right, so he followed it with a laugh.

"Though apologising after _is_ new." Darren remarked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well, I've grown up a little over the past six year."

"Is that code for, you turned into a dick with a conscience?"

"I'm going to ignore that," Ste said as they made their way back to the front of the pub, "because I thought I was always a dick, so I'm kinda bummed that it's supposedly a new development."

Darren laughed, "oh, I'm sorry, a stuck up dick, then."

Ste couldn't control the eye roll that occurred. He was not stuck up. A little more self-aware is what he was. He knew that he was doing well in London, but it didn't make him think he was better than the people here. No matter what Brendan thought. "I'm gonna go, my kids are waiting in the car to go the zoo."

Ste was nearly out when Darren caught his elbow to stop him leaving, "about Brendan." Darren looked a little uncomfortable bringing the moustached man up, he wasn't the only one. If the barman was about to get all judgy, Ste was going to have to retract his apology and replace it with a punch. "He's a good man. Wasn't always as you know. But he is now. And those kids – yours – mean the world to him, so don't do anything rash like…"

"Forbid him from seeing them?" Ste filled in when Darren drifted off.

The other man just ran a hand through his hair, not confirming nor denying that that was exactly what he meant. Ste offered him a parting smile before he left and climbed back into his car, his kids now fighting over the games console. Apparently, Leah wanted a turn, but Lucas felt it was within his right to not allow her seeing as it was his game. Ste realised that he probably should have done something to stop the fighting, but a part of him had missed all their bickering, the noise that comes with having a family. A real one, not the one you see once in a blue moon, so everyone played nice because you didn't want to fight in the short time you had. So Ste left them too, it. He'd probably intervene if things got physical.

He was supposed to be making ways to the zoo, but in order to do that, he had to drive past his old house, the place he used to share with Brendan. When they got to the area, Ste couldn't help thinking that maybe one more detour was okay. It was the afternoon, so Brendan wasn't going to be home, but he was bound to be at the club, doing paperwork or something equally as boring. He only ever worked behind the bar when it could really crowded and the extra hands were needed. That or someone was hitting on Ste, and Brendan wanted to make sure everyone knew that the barman in the tight t shirt and pants that emphasised his arse, was taken by the big guy with the tache that screamed, _you don't wanna piss me off._

"Pit stop, guys. I need to talk to Brendan, you guys okay with that?" The question was barely out of Ste's mouth before the kids started taking off their seat belts and leaving the car. Okay, he wasn't aware he told them to get out too.

Lucas was the first to get in, quickly followed by his sister, so Ste was left making sure they closed the car doors properly in their haste to get away. By the time he got into club and was walking up the stairs to the floor Brendan's office was in, he could hear muffled voices. Muffled, excited voice from Leah, but Lucas as well. He hadn't heard his son sound so… alive in so long. Leah was talking about the animals she wanted to see, whereas Lucas kept asking if Brendan had found something yet.

"Here it is." Brendan said as he tossed Lucas a square object.

"What was that?" Ste asked as he made his way to where the trio were. Lucas and Leah sitting on a sofa on the club floor, and Brendan sitting on the table opposite them.

"Oh, Lucas forgot one of his games here the other day." Brendan told him, without once looking at him, rather opting to look at his palms like they held the secrets to the universe.

Ste was about to ask what Lucas was doing here in the first place, when the kid himself got in there first, "Mum had to give someone detention, so she couldn't pick us up from school. Brendan did it and brought us here because he still had work to do."

Ste forced himself not to get irrational about his ex-husband doing the fatherly duties he should have been fulfilling himself. He was in London, that was his choice. Brendan has asked him to stay, begged him to. The older probably just felt bad that it was because of their marriage that the kids didn't have a full time dad, so this was his way of apologising. Doing the things Ste should have been, but couldn't because their marriage had imploded till the point Ste ran so fast he didn't see the fire he left behind, or the people who burnt in it. If Lucas was anything to go by, they were Ste still burning, and the silent shrugs and monotonous responses were the cries for him to come back and put the fire out, before skin and bones turned into ashes of despair and resentment.

Ste dragged a hand down his face when something else clicked. When he had first arrived to see Brendan, the man had mentioned someone always forgetting something behind. He wasn't talking about a boyfriend, he was talking about Lucas. Lucas had left something behind that day, the day Ste came storming back into town to tear apart the life his son had salvaged with in his absence.

"Leah, Lucas, why don't you go into Brendan's office. You can use his computer, Leah, while your brother is playing his game." Ste decided to ignore the fact that his son had put his console away because Brendan was someone he actually wanted to converse with.

The kids looked at Brendan to see if that was okay, and when the older man smiled and nodded, the two slunk off, leaving the two adults to drown in the awkwardness of each other's presence. Brendan still wouldn't look at Ste, instead he cracked his knuckles and pulled at a bit of skin in the corner of his nails, while Ste watched on. Brendan was so… he was so human. The man rarely ever felt uncomfortable, often manipulating a situation to cower and intimidate, so he was always the largest presence in a place. He never allowed himself to feel uncomfortable, because he'd rather have control. But he didn't now, now he was slumped over and… defeated.

"Do you want a drink?" Brendan's voice broke Ste out of his reverie. He was finally looking at him now, and Ste couldn't help feeling a little overwhelmed by having those blue, piercing eyes watch him.

"I, err, I can't. I'm driving." Ste sat on a stool, anyway, as Brendan made his way to stand behind the bar, snorting as he did.

"That didn't stop you from trying yesterday."

Ste had the good sense to feel ashamed about his behaviour, "yeah, well, me kids are gonna be in the car this time. It's one thing to kill meself, but I don't exactly wanna put them in a life threatening position." Ste was playing with his sleeves when he had said that, but when Brendan didn't respond, he looked up to see the older man watching him with a wounded expression. "I didn't mean –"

"Yeah, you did," Brendan poured him a glass of coke before turning his attention back to Ste. "That was part of why you left, right? It was one thing for you to end up hurt in the crossfire of the stupid things I did, but our marriage meant the kids could be too."

He was right. And that was why Ste was so pissed with Brendan staying in touch with the kids. He thought if he left, Brendan's connection with the Leah and Lucas would break too, they couldn't get caught up in the mess that Brendan made time and time again. Except, Ste wasn't the string the tied Brendan to the children, that ribbon was made of something intangible, unbreakable. Nobody could touch it, so nobody could taint it. It was what tied Brendan to Padraig and Declan, it was love. Brendan loved the kids and nothing would change that, whether Ste was in the picture or not.

Ste took a sip of his drink, his eyes downcast. He didn't want to look at Brendan, he didn't want it to be confirmed that he left a man he got so so wrong. He was putting the glass back down on the bar when something in his peripheral vision caught his attention. It was print outs for houses, but Brendan had a place, a big arse one at that. Ste reached out and grabbed the sheets, whilst the older man fiddled with the bottle in the display, making sure they all faced the same direction. He had always had that obsessive disorder. Ste would've laughed if he wasn't so confused by the fact that Brendan was looking out houses that were smaller than the one he currently resided in.

"Are you moving?" Ste hadn't meant to ask that out loud, nonetheless, Brendan turned around to look at him.

"Yeah, I'm thinking about selling my place," Brendan said, as he put a coaster under Ste's glass of coke. Yet another obsessive disorder.

"Why?" Ste couldn't help enquiring.

Brendan just shrugged, "it's five bedroom for one person, that's a little excessive, don't you think?"

"What about Paddy and Declan?" The spare bedrooms were there for the kids.

"I'm thinking about getting one with three bedrooms, much cheaper."

Oh. They had gotten a massive house because of when the kids were supposed to come stay with them. One room for each of them. Declan, Paddy, Leah and Lucas. Brendan thought that along with Ste, he was about to lose the kids too. With how Ste had been behaving with the older man recently, it wasn't an absurd conclusion to come to. And there was a part of Ste that did want Brendan to cut any relationship he had with Leah and Lucas, but it had nothing to do with safety or the fact that they were divorced now. It had everything to do with Ste being scared out of his mind that his own children were going to fade away from his life completely, only to materialise in Brendan arms, in Brendan's home, and Brendan as the one they turned to for stability when life kicked them to the ground. He was scared shitless of being the one that was left with the fancy new husband and a fancy job, the perfect outwards life, while a hole in his hearts where his kids were slowly grew bigger and bigger, till there was nothing left of him. Ste didn't reassure Brendan that he wouldn't take the kids away, simply because he didn't know.

He changed the subject instead, "I like what you've done with the place, it's different, but still very you."

Brendan obviously wasn't in the mood for small talk, "What do you want, Steven? I signed your damn papers."

"I know," Ste sighed, then repeated, "I know," but this time it was with a heaviness to his words. "I just…" Ste sat up straighter in his seat and forced himself not to look away. Brendan did a lot of crap in his time, but his love for Ste was the only thing in the man's life that was non questionable. Nobody could deny it its strength and nobody could deny that Ste really was it for Brendan. "I never meant to hurt you, Bren. Not back then, and not now. Just… thank you."

"What for?" Brendan smiled, but what reached his eyes was a grief Ste had only seen once before. The night he left. "For the police that came knocking on our door time and time again. For putting you in horrible situations with your stepmother because she kept having to arrest me. I should be thanking you for not killing me in my sleep."

Ste couldn't help but allow a puff of laughter to escape his mouth. It was apparently what the older man had been aiming for because he quirked his lips into that side smile Ste loved so much. Ste ran a hand through his hair when Brendan rounded the bar – he needed to do something with his hand – and joined him on the other side with a beer in hand. Two days ago, Ste would not have suspected that he would be having a drink with his ex without one of them smashing a piece of glass and slitting the others throat with it. Or maybe that was the issue with Ste, he underestimated Brendan's affection for him, no matter how much he understood that the older man loved him with a fierce passion.

Ste opened his mouth to tell Brendan that he was sorry, but that's when the kids came back out of the office, and a little part of Ste was glad for the interruption. He wasn't quite sure what he was going to apologise for. For leaving? But Ste liked it in London, he li-_loved_ Doug, and Brendan forced him to do it, through his insistence that he was bullet proof. Sorry for the pain his departure caused the older man? Maybe, probably, but Ste didn't think that was what he wanted to apologise for. Ste had told him the night he left, swore to him that he wasn't leaving to hurt Brendan. For loving another man, for betraying Brendan when he promised that he could never feel for another what he felt for the older man. Yeah, that was probably it. Out of all the damage Ste could have done to Brendan, falling in love with someone else was the knife to the throat.

"Dad, are we gonna go soon or not?" Leah was starting to whine now.

Ste cleared his throat and stood up, turning away from the gaze Brendan still held, the blue of his eyes like a blanket of needles around Ste's heart, pressing tighter around the organ, making it bleed out the truths Ste couldn't let himself believe.

"Yeah, sorry, I just had to sort things out with Brendan, he –"

"He is very jealous about you guys going to the zoo." Brendan interrupted as he walked up the kids and hurled Lucas over his shoulder and spun him around, making the young boy giggle till he felt sick from the motion.

When Brendan put him back down, the boy was still smiling, and Ste couldn't help feeling the urge to do it too. But then his son just had to go and make things awkward by asking, "can Brendan come with us, dad?"

Fuck. He either took his ex-husband along on what was supposed to be a day out so Ste could bond with his kids, or he risked pushing Lucas away even further by denying him a simple request.

"I'm really busy with work, little man, maybe another time." Brendan answered before Ste could.

Ste was shocked that the disappointment both his children had on their faces was replicated in his stomach, uncurling and poking him until he blurted out, "you're the boss, you can take a few hours out."

Brendan's head snapped round to look at Ste with a questioning expression, "you what? I mean, you want me to come?"

Ste smiled, and when Lucas's hand curled into his own – the manipulative little shit – there was only one answer to that question, "I want you to come."


	6. Unconditionally

**Chapter 6 **

"Lucas, you're not supposed to feed the birds. Dammit, get your finger away from the cage, those birds bite."

The zoo really had seemed like a good idea at the time, but Ste had spent most of the time trying to get his kids to behave, or more specifically, Lucas. The child seemed to think that just because his precious stepdad was here, he could do anything. Point in case, he kept trying to feed the damn vultures who wanted a piece of his flesh, more than they wanted his bloody ham sandwich. Brendan was no help, he kept laughing every time Ste's eyes felt like they would pop out of his skull because his son wanted to send him to an early grave.

"They're not gonna bite him, Steven. They wouldn't have made cages where kids can stick their fingers in if it was dangerous." Brendan chuckled as he grabbed Lucas by the waist and carried him away, while the boy just giggled.

"I forgot how much they love to put me on edge." Ste mumbled, dragging Leah away from the bird exhibit.

"I forgot how much you worry so unnecessarily." The older man was still carrying Lucas by the waist, as if he weighed nothing, just carrying him like he was luggage or something. Some people didn't worry enough.

Other than the danger of visiting the zoo – which he was never going to do again, because fuck him, even the butterflies flew straight at his face – the day was going pretty good. Lucas didn't willingly talk to him much, but he didn't give Ste the cold shoulder when Ste attempted it, and he didn't shrug his hand out of his father's hold when they went into the bat cave. That was probably more because he could sense Ste's fears, what with the death grip he had on his son's hand. Bats aren't blood sucking, right? Like they're not vampire shape shifters…. Right? Lucas had reassured him that they were fruits bats, therefore they were herbivores. But what does a ten year old know?

Brendan and he hadn't talked much. The car ride over was mainly Lucas and Leah conversing with Brendan, or conversing with Ste, but the two never actually said much to each other. Brendan, in actuality, barely looked at him; he had turned in the passenger's side to look at the kids every now and then, or opted to look out the window, but not at Ste. Ste had begun to feel more and more like the older man really didn't want to be spending the day with him, but couldn't stand to disappoint the kids. He may no longer be what connects Brendan to the children, but it was evident that Brendan was going to make sure that the children were the only thing that connected Brendan to Ste.

"Can we get ice cream?" Leah asked, grabbing Ste's attention back to the present. There was an ice cream cart just ahead of them, and the kids were looking like they were about to die from exhaustion and heat, so Ste really had no choice but to oblige.

Leah and Lucas took their time to pick out a flavour, but Brendan went straight for the mint chocolate chip. Some things never changed. It seemed like the older man's eating habits hadn't changed either, because he practically swallowed the entire thing whole, cone 'n' all, and then ordered another and engulfed that too.

"What?" Brendan mumbled around a full mouth.

Ste hadn't realised he was staring with an upturned lip in fond disgust, "nothing, just… nothing."

Brendan just shrugged and stole a pile of napkins from the cart, stuffing a bundle into his pockets while he wrapped one around Lucas's cone, and another around Leah's. It was so… so domestic. Brendan may have had the same eating habits, but he sure as hell grew a new sense of responsibility. He was normally the one that bought the presents, took them out, and threatened the lives of anyone who upset them. Ste used to be the one that made sure they cleaned their teeth, made their beds, and didn't order a hit via their stepdad on any kid who trod on their toes. Not that they ever attempted, but they were very aware that Brendan was someone a lot of people were scared of. They didn't get why themselves, what with the only monster in Brendan they saw was the tickle monster, but they understood that grownups were wary around him.

After a few more animals, Ste was ready to throw himself into the lions' den. Thankfully, his kids were getting tired too, which meant one more stop; the gift shop. Leah was trudging in there, closely followed by Brendan who was shouting after her, telling her to slow the fudge down. Yep, that's right, _fudge. _Ste allowed himself a little laugh at that, but with Leah and Brendan lost somewhere in the shop, Ste grabbed the opportunity to talk to his son while the boy was tired and his defences were low.

"Lucas, c'mere." Ste waved a hand, beckoning his son forward, who dragged his feet, but nonetheless, listened. "Thought we could have a little chat."

Lucas huffed in annoyance, which to be honest, kind of pissed Ste off. He was a shit dad, fine, he got that, he put his hands up in surrender, but he was freaking trying here. A little give and take from his son would have been nice.

"So look, I know you and your sister are close to Brendan and –"

"But he's not anything to us anymore because you're getting married and replacing him?" Lucas wouldn't even look at him, he just kept gliding his finger along the animal masks until he picked a tiger one up and tried it on, still refusing to look at Ste.

Okay, what?

"Lucas, just because I'm getting married, I'm not replacing Brendan." Ste held his voice firm, to push the sound of truth in his words. He wasn't replacing Brendan. Brendan was always going to be the love of… Brendan was always going to be his first, real love. Not a sixteen year old infatuation with his best friend because he was trying to convince himself he wasn't gay, and then got her pregnant to prove it.

"Sure you are," Lucas put the mask away and carried on down the row. "And one day, you're gonna be so happy over there with him, you're gonna get babies of your own, ones you can call his and yours, and you're going to replace us too."

That was enough. Ste grabbed his son's hand and dragged him to where Leah and Brendan were getting their faces painted, and told them he and Lucas were going for a walk. Lucas didn't seem too happy about that, he wanted to get his face painted too, and Ste promised him that he would, but right now they had more pressing matters at hand. Like the fact that Lucas Hay was a fucking moron. They went to an area with picnic benches where he made his son sit, so he could sit opposite him.

"Lucas, where the in the world did you get that idea from?" There was no beating around the bush, he didn't have time for that.

"Where in the world have you been for the past year? With your new boyfriend, right? You started seeing us less and less, dad, and you didn't see us at all last year."

"I wanted to. I asked you to come see me on Christmas."

"Why do we have to come to you?" Lucas shouted, feeling in his voice for the first time since Ste had arrived back in Chester. "I wasn't scared to go without mum, I didn't want to go. Because I thought maybe for once, you'd care enough to come here. And when you finally do come back, it's not even for us."

Lucas didn't want to come see him, but it was a test. A test to see if Ste cared enough to want to see him, them. If he would put aside whatever problems he had in his love life to see his children who he barely caught a glimpse of. It wasn't his kids who were fading away, only to appear somewhere else, it was him. He was leaving the hole in the family photos, it was his Christmas stocking missing from the fireplace, and it was him who was materialising somewhere else.

"Lucas, I'm sorry, I didn't realise you wanted me to come here."

"Would it have made a difference?" Lucas asked with his eyebrows high on his forehead, getting lost in his blond mop.

Ste didn't know what to say to that, because he didn't know. When he was in London, he thought they were doing okay, that he saw the kids as much as he could and that was all that mattered. He hadn't thought that maybe a little more effort on his part was what his kids needed to prove that he loved them, that he wanted to be a part of their lives, rather than him fulfilling his obligations, and then being done with it until the next holiday.

"Lucas, what do I have to do to prove that I love you and your sister, and I will always be a part of your lives?"

Lucas bit into his bottom lip to stop the quivering Ste had noticed, "don't get married again."

"Oh buddy," Ste stood up and rounded the table, so he was sitting next to his son. He grabbed the kid and pulled him onto his lap. "My getting married will not change how I feel about you and Leah. You two come above everything. I am not going to replace you."

"It's not just that," Lucas swallowed, "you're gonna want him to be a part of our lives too, then what happens to Brendan. Brendan doesn't have a reason to care about us anymore. You've divorced him now."

"You think Brendan only cares about you because of me?" Ste asked as he pushed his son gently away from his chest, far enough to look at his face, which was now tear stained.

Lucas didn't say anything, but he silently nodded. This kid, really. But then again, his fear of abandonment probably derived from the fact that Ste, his real father had abandoned him in the first place. But Brendan had been in Lucas's life for nine of the ten years Lucas had been alive, he was the kid's step dad for eight of those now, longer than Ste had played actual dad. Ste went when Lucas was four, while Brendan remained to pick up the shattered pieces he left behind. Lucas was probably well within his rights to be scared that Ste would leave him for good, his track record wasn't exactly great, but not Brendan. Never Brendan.

"Before Brendan and I even got married, you know what he said to me about you and your sister?" Ste asked as he wiped his son's tears away with his thumb. Lucas shook his head, so Ste carried on, "he said you two were his second chance. Declan and Paddy weren't allowed to see him back then, because their mum didn't like him all that much. But you and Leah, you let him be a dad again. And he fell in love with the pair of you so fast, and do you know how a dad loves his kids?"

"No," Lucas sniffed, preventing his nose from dripping anymore snot.

"A dad, and a mum too, they love their kids unconditionally, and that's how Brendan loves you."

"What does that mean?" Lucas was looking at him all wide eyed now, as if this was all he needed to hear. That he would be loved no matter what.

"It means if I chopped off his arms and legs and he was just a body and head." Ste paused to allow the giggle fit Lucas had emitted to calm down, "he would still love you. If you shaved off his moustache –"

"He would still love me?"

"Yep," Ste laughed when Lucas grinned at him. "And me too. I will love you no matter what. You understand that, buddy?"

"I guess, it's just…" He drifted off, as he looked at his dad like he wasn't sure he wanted to say the next bit.

"What is it?" Ste prompted when his son begun to chew on his bottom lip.

"I still don't want you to get married, not when you belong with Brendan." Then he buried his face in Ste's neck as if, if he cuddled his dad, Ste wouldn't get angry with him.

Seriously. Manipulative. Little. Shit. He really had been spending way too much time with Brendan. Whenever he and the older man would get into an argument, Brendan used to kiss his anger away, suck the frustration out of his co – nope, he was not going to think about all the make-up sex he had with his ex-husband while his kid sat on his lap. That was just asking for an awkward conversation with social services.

"Lucas, Doug is really nice, maybe you'll like him as much as you like Brendan." Ste tried, when Lucas just rubbed his face deeper into the crook of his neck.

"I won't like him. I don't want to like him. Brendan's my stepdad, not him, and him marrying you hurts Brendan's feelings, so I definitely hate him."

Whoa. Ste lifted his son's head up from his shoulder to make sure they had eye contact, "Brendan said that to you? That he's hurt I'm getting remarried?" It wasn't anything he didn't already know, but still, it was different having it said to him.

Lucas just shrugged, "he's not marrying anyone else, and he told me and Leah 'never again'. And he still has a picture of you tucked in his drawer at work. He thinks I don't know it's there, but I've seen it."

Ste sighed and drew a hand down his face. Brendan still loving him didn't change anything. The older man loved him back then, but Ste still left. He left because with all that love, Brendan was still bringing his extra-curricular work home, he was still playing with fire every time he went out to make sure one of his deals went as smoothly as possibly. It was never Brendan's inability to love him that was the problem, it was his inability to change no matter how much he did love.

Ste didn't extend the conversation anymore, instead he put his son down on his feet and stood up, "let's go get your face painted."

When they got back to the gift store, Brendan had a trolley full of stuffed toys and so much other crap. A freaking trolley full. Brendan just shrugged and offered him a sheepish smile, "we didn't know if you and Lucas were going to make an appearance, so we just bought all the things we thought he would want too."

The younger man rolled his eyes and took hold of his son who was about to jump into the trolley, head first. If they didn't get his face painted, he'd cry about it on the way home, so it was better to get it over and done with. After that, they headed back to the car, and everything barely fit into the boot. Who the hell bought life sized stuffed animals? Brendan, that's who. The most tragic part was that, Brendan was more excited by all the toys than the kids, and that said something, seeing as Leah was squealing about her new pet stuffed lion cub for what felt like hours.

The kids were out of it, not long after they hit the road, thank god; he didn't think he could hear one more argument about who would win in a fight: a lion or a tiger. Weren't the basically they same thing, being giant, deadly cats 'n' all. Kids had the stupidest arguments.

"What are you thinking about over there?" Brendan's voice had him turning his eyes away from the rear-view mirror, where he was trying to see if Leah was going to sucker punch her brother in her sleep, what with all her fidgeting.

"Sometimes I can't believe they're mine." Ste replied, smiling at Brendan before putting his eyes back on the road. He was not going to make a big deal about the fact that he and Brendan were as good as alone in the car, considering he just hit a speed bump and neither of the kids woke up.

"They're brilliant, I can't believe they're yours either." Brendan joked, earning him a punch on the arm from Ste. "You and Lucas okay now? I'm assuming you manhandled him out of the store to talk, right?"

"Yeah, he err… he doesn't want me to get married, I think he thinks when I do, Doug will replace you, and you won't be in their lives anymore."

Brendan stayed silent after that, and when Ste began to get agitated by the quiet, the older man barely whispered when he asked, "what did you say?"

"I said your love for him and his sister has nothing to do with me, you'll be a part of their lives no matter what."

"You'll let me?" Brendan asked like he had already assigned himself to a life without the children.

"Like I have a choice, I'd lose them if I tried to tear them away from you."

"So otherwise you'd keep them away from me?" Brendan's voice was beginning to break from what suspiciously sounded like hurt.

"That came out wrong," Ste sighed and shifted in his seat to sit up straighter. "I just mean that I can't, even if I wanted to, which I don't." Holy shit, he really didn't want to. He hadn't realised it until he had just said it, he didn't want to take the kids away from Brendan, because he didn't want to do that to the older man. It wasn't just the kids he wanted to keep from the pain of separation, he didn't want to put Brendan through that either. "The kids mean the world to you, and you them. I'm not gonna ruin anymore of the lives I've already destroyed once."

Brendan didn't respond to that, in fact he stayed silent all the way back to the village, and he still said nothing when he picked up a sleeping Leah and carried her into the house, Ste doing the same with Lucas. Amy gave them an eyebrow raise which was answered with a tired shake of Ste's head, that roughly translated into _later._ Brendan was in the middle of rejecting Amy's offer for a cup of tea when his phone rang.

"Brady," what an arsehole, he still answered his phone like that. There was a lot of humming and swearing and threats about firing someone, whilst Amy and Ste discussed how he would bring the rest of his stuff over to Amy's place, so he could spend the rest of his trip there. He was about to offer Brendan a ride back, when the man hung the phone up with a "fuck."

"What is it?" Amy asked before Ste could.

"One of my barmen has decided to get food poisoning tonight –"

"I don't think anyone decides that." Ste interrupted, only to get a _you what_ face from both Amy and Brendan. So his kids weren't the only ones spending too much time with Brendan, because the similarity in their expressions was uncanny.

"That's not the point, Steven. The point is I'm a man low on the night an unbooked hen party decides to come in."

"Can't you get someone else to cover his shift?" Ste asked, like it was the most obvious solution in the world, which it was.

"Two of them are a couple and they've gone to fucking Tahiti or something, and I can't get a hold of the other."

Oh. "So _you _tend the bar then?" Ste may have been a little patronising when he said that.

"I will, but it's packed, it won't be enough, and shit, I gotta go." Brendan was already heading for the door when Amy stopped him.

"Wait, wait, wait. Ste can help you." She said like it wasn't the stupidest idea in the universe.

Brendan and Ste both turned to her in unison with a "WHAT?!"

Yeah, let's get them into the same place, working together again where they first fell in love, where Brendan proposed. Also christened every square meter, but that was probably against health codes and none of Amy's business.

"What?" Amy shrugged, then pointed at Brendan "you need extra hands." She moved her finger to point at Ste, "and you have nothing better to do."

"Maybe I want to spend the night in with my best friend." Ste said as he put his hands on his hips.

"Can't. School night. Gotta be in bed in a couple of hours."

"Look Steven," Brendan sighed, getting everyone's attention back to him. "I really do need the help, so I would appreciate your assistance, but if you feel uncomfortable –"

"I don't feel uncomfortable." Ste was pretty sure his voice didn't give away the lie in his statement. Brendan's expression said otherwise.

"So you'll come?"

"Fine," Ste grumbled, grabbing his keys from the side table, and gave Amy the dirtiest look he could conjure. She just winked at him and smiled as broadly as her face would allow.

Their first trip was to the hotel, so Ste could grab his luggage and checkout, and then they went to the club. It really was heaving. Ste couldn't remember if the place had ever been this packed out. He caught a glimpse of the hen party who were – what in the – they were humping a blow up doll. Wow, Ste really had a few things to learn about women, he thought only men were that crude. Brendan didn't seem to notice, how no one knew this dude was the king of gays was beyond Ste's understanding. Back in the day, Mitzeee used to call him super gay what with the way he used to check men out so overtly, but never once gave her breasts a second glance, even when she practically shoved them in his face.

Ste shook away the nostalgia and followed Brendan through the crowd, but he didn't lead the younger man behind the bar. He took him down the stairs and into the cellar, and oh my god, didn't he just shake away the nostalgia because it was coming at him full force. The cellar was where he and Brendan first kissed, no, that's a lie, they kissed once before, but the cellar was the first time they kissed like their lives depended on it. It was where he thought Brendan was going to pulverise his bones, but instead fucked him over the crates like his body was made of everything Brendan had never known he wanted.

Brendan didn't even stop at the spot where it all happened, he just carried on walking until they got to what looked like a partition for a locker area. There were at least twelve lockers and a bench in front. Come to think of it, the place was way more organised than Ste had last seen it, actually, the cellar looked more like an extra floor, rather than just a storage area. It had the drinks section, the dishwasher and washing machine section, and the locker area; Ste was surprised there wasn't a shower.

Brendan pulled open a locker that wasn't closed, obviously it didn't belong to anyone, and pulled out a uniform. Black trousers and a black t-shirt with Chez Chez written on it. "You're gonna need to wear at least the t-shirt, otherwise the others won't know you're meant to be behind the bar. They'll just kick you out."

Ste wordlessly took the t-shirt and shrugged out of his jacket. But before he took off his shirt, he waited for the other man to look away. With an eye roll, Brendan shook his head and obliged, muttering something like it wasn't as if he'd never seen it before. But that was beside the point. He put the t-shirt on and stuffed his shirt and jacket into the locker, securing the lock and putting the key in his pocket.

When Brendan turned back around to see if he was ready, the man's eyes dragged down his body, slowly, like he was swimming through a lake of molasses. He did the same when he dragged his eyes back up, lingering a while on the way the black material clung to Ste's now more defined chest. The older man cleared his throat when he finally met Ste's eyes, heavy and dark with lust.

"Welcome back."


	7. Remember When

**Chapter 7**

There were four of them behind the bar and five on the actual floor taking orders, but even still, Brendan's workers were starting to lose their patience with how many drink orders were coming at them all at once. Ste, on the other hand, was perfectly used to this type of rush, what with having to make multiple meals all in one go. He didn't want to laugh at how frustrated some of the bartenders got, but he couldn't quite help himself when one of them nearly had a meltdown. However, groups the size of the hen party that turned up were supposed to book for the very purpose of avoiding the overcrowding that was occurring. Hence, he wasn't really judging the other tenders for their lack of competence, it was more that they were just unprepared.

"How are you so calm?" Jake, one of the barmen asked.

"I'm a chef, this is nothing compared to Friday nights in a restaurant with the kitchen heat blaring at you." Ste smiled at his fellow comrade as he made a woman her martini.

"Then how comes you're so good at tending the bar?"

"I used to work here ages ago, when it first opened. It was never this crowded, but I was the best barman, if I do say so myself." Ste meant it as a joke, but when he bent over to get a drink, there was a towel slap against his arse. He turned around to see Camille, one of them who was working the floor, grinning at him.

"It probably had a lot to do with your butt, you have nice one," she said, putting drinks on her tray and winking as she walked away from him. Ste turned to look at Jake, maybe to share a look of exasperation in regards to workplace sexual harassment, but the young man just laughed and shrugged, before placing his attention to a customer.

Around two in the morning, the crowd started to thin out a little, seeing as the club was only going to be open for one more hour, but the hen party was still going strong. Ste had barely seen Brendan all night, he was hardly behind the bar, opting to work the floor instead, so that way he could keep his eye out for any sort of foul play. Ste did not snort at Brendan worrying about drug dealing in his club, and he most certainly did not roll his eyes when Brendan kicked a group of underage teens out. It used to be that Brendan provided the drugs all those years ago, and he hardly cared if his customers were underage, as long as they brought in revenue.

With a little more breathing space in the club, Ste allowed himself a five minute break, he stepped out from behind the bar and made his way outside. He wanted to use the time to call Doug, but Jake followed him out as soon as he stepped foot on the balcony. The other man wordlessly pulled out a packet of cigarettes and offered it to Ste, and when Ste shook his head, he merely shrugged and pulled one out for himself. Jake took a long draw, slowly blowing it out before he finally spoke.

"So when did you work here then?"

"Err, about six years ago." Ste answered, as he pulled out his phone so he could text his finance instead.

"Really?" Jake's voice had taken on a curious tone, "so maybe you can answer something for me… Brendan… gay right?"

Ste nearly choked on his saliva, "how long have you been working here?"

"Four years, but he's rarely around during my shifts. I've only ever seen him with men, but it's just he's got two kids, and two step kids too, but there's never been a woman romantically in the picture."

"He used to be married," Ste said as he rubbed his arms to warm them up from the chill of the night air. "When he was in denial about the whole gay thing. Step kids are my kids, we used to be married too."

Jake's mouth fell open, making Ste inwardly laugh at the look of shock on the young man's face. So Brendan had never mentioned him to his employees then. That was nice to know, but to be fair, Ste's own fiancé didn't know about Brendan's existence, forget that he was married to the older man. Still, Brendan was the one who was trying to cling on to the past with his refusal to sign the divorce papers and the picture he had, according to Lucas, so Ste was a little shocked that this guy didn't actually know Brendan used to be married to a man.

"What happened? Between you two, I mean." Jake enquired when he eventually managed to get a grip.

"Life happened," Ste sighed and smiled as a way to signify that the topic was now closed. He was about to go back inside when the door behind him opened before he could even reach for it.

Brendan was on the other side and he was looking between Jake and Ste, his eyes shifting from one to the other. He finally settled his gaze on Ste and spoke in a monotonous voice, "Mitzeee and Cheryl are inside; they're looking for you."

Ste didn't say anything, he offered Jake one last parting smile before he stepped back into the place. He was expecting the other men to follow, but when he turned around to see, the door was closed and Jake and Brendan were on the other side. Hmm, Ste couldn't help but think that maybe the young man was Brendan's next little prey, he was exactly what the older man normally went for; slender, blondish, and very flexible looking. Ste decided not to go down the route of thinking about his ex-husband having sex with someone else, but it was unnecessary, Cheryl dragged him onto the dance floor, drawing his attention to her.

Mitzeee was there too, and they were all dancing with the hen party, squealing, pulling him and tugging at his t shirt like he was the stripper gram for their group. There was a woman draped over his front, trying to get his hips to move along with her, but he was more interested in his friends, who, though called him over, were paying him very little attention.

"Mitzeee," Ste called, but the woman was cackling at something someone showed her on their phone, so he tried again. "Mitzeee!"

The brunette turned her eyes to look at him with a guarded smile.

"I'm sorry. About yesterday. I was drunk and out of order." Ste hoped the pleading came across. He really did mean it, he really did want to make sure they were okay, considering that the serial killer he had referred to the night before had been her husband's grandfather.

Mitzeee regarded him for a while, but soon she split her mouth into a blinding smile and pushed the woman who was all over him away, so she could get her hands on him, instead. Cheryl came up behind her, and he took the chance to apologise to the woman who was his friend, long before she was his sister in law. Just because things went to shit with her brother, he should've appreciated her for what she was to him before Brendan took over.

Mitzeee left them to it and wandered off somewhere across the club, so Cheryl and Ste were left bouncing to the music, her blonde curls hypnotic in the way they shimmered in the club lights. Over her shoulder, Ste could see Mitzeee bothering Brendan, pulling at his hands while he tried to burn her on the spot with his glare. It didn't quite work, seeing as Mitzeee's glare was twice as effective; they had a stare off for a few minutes until the older man sighed deeply and finally relented, allowing her to pull him onto the dance floor.

Now, Ste had never been a good dancer, he enjoyed moving to the beats, but his moves were like a baby penguin trying to learn to walk. Brendan, however, was quite the opposite. He twirled Mitzeee across the floor, spun her around with a grace that Ste only ever saw on those dancing shows on the telly. Brendan, being over six feet tall, and Mitzeee being barely over five three, picked her up and swept her across the room, making her laugh, till she collapsed on his chest.

"Hey, hey, eyes over here, your dancing partner is here," Cheryl put a finger beneath his chin and lifted his head up, only to see the female Brady watching him with one of her eyebrows raised.

"Sorry," Ste blushed, "I forgot how much he pretended he hated to dance, but secretly loved it."

Cheryl laughed into his ears, "yeah sure, that's why you've been staring at him for the past fifteen minutes."

Ste narrowed his eyes and tried to stare Cheryl down, but the curly haired woman simply laughed more and picked up the pace in their dance. In the next half hour, he had danced with multiple women and was sweating like a pig, but it was nearly time to close, so most of the bartenders and patrons were gone. Not Ste though, Ste had fallen victim to the drunk bride to be who was slobbering over his shoulder, asking him if he could marry her instead because he had pretty blue eyes with pretty lashes, while her fiancé was just a giant ogre. Her words. Cheryl managed to drag the woman out, and when Ste turned around, laughing at the debacle and promising the woman that he'd marry her if her first marriage went down the drain, Brendan was right there, behind him.

"There's fifteen more minutes until the DJ goes home," Brendan said, like that had anything to do with anything.

"Okay?"

The older man offered his hand to Ste and nodded sideways towards the dance floor. Ste looked between the hand and the empty space, and he wanted to, he really did, so he had no idea why he shook his head and said, "I'd rather talk."

Brendan sighed and dropped his hand. He walked away, but not so he could go somewhere to talk, but behind the bar and poured himself a whiskey, while he started to clear glasses away. He told Ste he could go home now if he wanted to, but the younger man offered to help clean up instead. Cheryl and Mitzeee helped too, until Mitzeee nearly fell asleep wiping the table, so Cheryl said she was going to take her home. Excuses, they just wanted to get out of doing the after-work. Brendan had disappeared into the cellar to bring up stock by the time Ste had bid them good night, whilst the last bartenders left the premises.

Ste really should have gone home then. It was late, he was tired and ached in places he didn't know could even ache. What he should not have done was walk into the office, glide his finger across Brendan's desk, before he sat on the older man's office chair. He put his elbows on the table and cradled his head in his hands, exhausted from the night, but exhausted from the last six years as well, to be honest. He leaned back in his chair and took the room in, it was definitely less clinical looking than it had been in the past. One wall was artfully covered in photos from across the years. Ste wasn't in any of them, but his kids were. There was one photo that had all his sisters and Brendan, Perrie climbing the older man's back, while he laughed at something with Leela and Tegan.

On another wall, there were what looked like multiple certificates for something, but Ste couldn't quite read the words written on them, and he was too tired to get up and look properly. It didn't matter because what Ste wanted to see was within his reach; he pulled out the bottom desk drawer and rummaged through it, until he found what he was looking for. Lucas had been right, there was a picture of him, rather, there was a picture of them in Brendan's possession. It was a photo from their honeymoon, them on the beach whilst Ste held the camera at arm's length to take the picture, beaming at the camera. Brendan was lazily kissing the corner of his mouth, like he was the most content he had ever been, like this was his paradise.

Ste didn't know how long he looked at the photo, and he didn't know what it was that triggered the tear that fell down his cheek and onto the glass of the frame. Maybe it was the loss of all the good time they had in their marriage. There was a lot of bad, like a fuck tonne, but when it was good, all of that seemed worth it. The problem was, they hadn't had any good in a long time when he left, so he hadn't quite realised everything that he was giving up. He had the pain, the blood, and the tears at the forefront of his mind, and that was what had chased him away.

He put the picture back where it was, and was about to wipe his eyes when Brendan came in, a little startled by Ste's presence. The younger man tried to be as discreet as possible when he wiped his face, but Brendan must have realised because he sighed and closed the door behind him, before he sat on the edge of the desk opposite Ste. He pulled out a few Kleenexes that Ste hadn't realised were on the table, but instead of passing them over to him, the older man lifted his head up and gently wiped his face dry.

"Nostalgia is a bitch, huh?" Brendan smiled, as he chucked the tissue across the room, and of course it fell straight in the bin.

"Yeah, we made a lot of memories in this place."

"You looked like you were having a good time tonight, working behind the bar as well as having all those women all over you. You always were good for business." Brendan joked, but Ste could only manage a strained smile in response.

The younger man traced the lines in his palm with a finger to avoid looking at Brendan, "what were you talking to Jake about?"

"He asked for an advance on his wages, so I was just giving it to him."

Oh. Ste had thought Brendan was hitting on the blonde, but it seemed like Ste was the last of his employees that he'd slept with. Probably didn't want any more of the drama that came with it.

"Steven, are you –"

"I like it in London, Brendan, I'm happy there," Ste interrupted before Brendan could finish his question. The older man just rubbed his eyebrows, perhaps a little harder than necessary, before he bent forward and placed his elbows on his knees, so he could lean on them and look down towards the ground. "Then I come here, and this feels right too."

The older man sighed and closed his eyes for a few moments, then eventually glanced up to look at Ste with a gentleness that had always been reserved for his kids. "Ste, since when does it have to be one or the other? You can have roots and wings too."

Ste smiled, leave it to Brendan to get all poetic. "Maybe I'll fly south for the winter."

Brendan snorted and pushed himself up. He turned his back to Ste as he faced the wall with all the pictures, tilting his head as he observed them. He traced his finger along the frame of the only photo from their wedding that hung on the wall, and it wasn't even of them. It was the four kids; Declan had Lucas on his hips, while Paddy was squinting at the camera because he hadn't told anyone yet that he couldn't see very well. All three of the boys had three piece suits, but Lucas had his jacket missing, because Amy hadn't wanted him to spill anything on it. Leah was sitting on the floor in her pink, flower girl dress that she refused to let anyone touch in case they crinkled it, but had no qualms about sitting on the ground with it. They all looked so freaking happy to have their families come together. Ste would have been happier if his husband had actually made it to the reception.

"I had a dream about the night you proposed to me the other day." Ste whispered, almost afraid of Brendan hearing him.

Brendan dropped his hand from the photo, but he didn't turn around, instead his head dropped forward. "We should've known how our marriage was gonna end right from there. I proposed to you after I beat the shit out of a guy, we were doomed from the start."

"It wasn't all bad." Ste mumbled, words he'd denied himself for a long time. He tried to force himself to forget his time with Brendan, but what ended up happening was he forgot all the happiness and was left with the bitter taste of their farewell.

"Do you ever wonder if we would have stayed together if it wasn't for Walker?" Brendan asked, finally turning around to look at Ste, his eyes shimmering from unshed tears.

"Brendan –"

"Hang on, I just, Let me say my piece." Brendan walked back to the edge of the table in front of the younger man and sat down, but this time he crouched forward until his face was only a few inches away from Ste's, so there was no way of escaping the depth of his eyes. "Sometimes I forgot that I wasn't alone anymore. I forgot that I had people who loved and cared for me. Eileen had spent so long keeping the boys away, I forgot what it meant to have a family again. It took me a long time to realise that whatever I did, whatever happened to me would affect you and the kids too."

Ste could feel salty liquid crawl into his mouth, but this time neither of them made the move to wipe the tears away. "When I first left, I felt relieved, y'know? Because I wouldn't have to stay up at night, worried if you'd come home. We could blame it all on Walker for coming into our home and threatening our kids because you sold his brother drugs that got him killed. But that whole thing, him shooting you, that was just the climax. It had been building up to that our whole relationship. And I know everyone thought I was a prick for leaving you –"

"Hey, nobody thought that," Brendan brought his forehead forward the slightest bit until it was leaning against Ste's. "You could've left me as soon as Walker was killed, but you made sure I was better from the bullet wound."

"I didn't want to hurt you when you were already in so much pain."

"I know. And I know that you left because you were scared that next time the bullet could have hit one of the kids, or could have hit a few inches to the left, right into my heart."

"With me gone, I thought Amy was going to keep the kids away from you." That had been Ste's thinking when he went. Amy had a job in Chester and a boyfriend at the time, he couldn't have expected her to pack up with the kid and leave with him. He knew, though, that Amy understood the dangers of living with Brendan, so he had thought she would have made the children stay away from the older man. That was why he was so shocked that she had allowed Brendan access to Leah and Lucas.

"She did at first. But when I refused to leave the house, Cheryl convinced her to let them visit, just once." Brendan paused to see how Ste was doing so far, if he was pissed yet about Cheryl and Amy doing exactly the opposite of what Ste had wanted. When he saw that the younger man wasn't about to scream the building down, he carried on. "She came with them, and I think she noticed that I felt alive for the first time since you left, so she let them come more often, until the kids became a constant, until them and the boys were the only reason I got up every day."

Ste shook his head and started apologising for ever wanting to rip the kids away from him. He started to hiccup from trying to stop himself from crying while the rush of words escaped his lips. He drew back and wiped his face, "I just needed a different life."

"And you've done really well for yourself." Brendan cupped Ste's face and smiled at him, "I am so proud of you, I'm just sorry I didn't dance with you at our wedding." The older man softly laughed, making Ste smile back, "I really hope this next one goes way better."

Ste scooted the chair back to get some room between them. He was getting married again. He had posted the divorce papers before he went to apologise to Darren; there was no going back. He had wanted a different life, and that was what he got; Doug was the complete opposite to Brendan, and Ste wanted that, he did. What he didn't want was to lock his kids in the bathroom of his room, and pray to the god he didn't believe in that Walker didn't think to go up there. He didn't want a gun pointed at his head because killing him would have killed Brendan faster than any lethal weapon. He didn't want to sit by his husband's bed in the hospital, because he got in the way of the shot, hoping beyond hope that the hole in his chest wouldn't kill him. What he wanted was… he didn't know what he wanted, but he wanted different.

"I can't do this, Bren." Ste stood up from where he was sitting and headed for the door, but before he could turn the knob, there was a hand in his.

The calloused texture, the firmness of it, the familiarity of it had him turning back to Brendan, and closing the gap between them. He hugged the man as tight as his exhausted strength would allow, whilst the older man stroked the back of his head and kissed his temple. The pressure of lips on Ste's skin felt as if a layer of the shell he had formed crumbled to the ground around their feet. The younger man softly pulled back and looked at the husband he had left behind, the life he had left behind. He barely noticed himself moving until his lips were on Brendan's.

The kiss was chaste, and when he backed away the tiniest amount, their lips clung to one another, reluctant to let go. Ste hesitated for a second, before he looked up at Brendan, the man's eyes closed like if he didn't open them, that way he could savour the moment, could commit it to memory in case the reality was pulled away again. Ste stood taller on his toes and closed his mouth over Brendan's, till his bottom lip slipped in between the older man's mouth and latched on. His hands glided up Brendan's chest, over the scar that finally ripped them to pieces, over the thumping in his chest that beat as if it wanted to explode through skin and bones. Our hearts are wild creatures, maybe that was why our ribs are called cages, and that had never been more true than in that moment with Brendan. Ste twined his arms behind the older man's neck, and pulled him down closer, wanting to mould them into one.

Brendan's tongue slicked over Ste's lips, and he took the gesture as a signal to open his mouth wider for the man to snake his tongue inside. Ste wasn't sure if it was in his head, or whether he really did moan like a wanton when he felt the warmth of Brendan's open mouth, wet and hot against his. Their tongues twirled and tangoed, and Ste thought maybe it wasn't so bad that they didn't get their first dance at their wedding, they had been moving to the beat in their chests for a long time.

Brendan's hands travelled to the top of Ste's thighs and pushed him against the door, so they could lean against it. Ste took the opportunity to lift his legs up and wrap them around Brendan, making their already hardened lengths rub against each other to create a friction that had Ste biting down hard on Brendan's bottom lip. The older man winced, but didn't make a move to stop Ste, rather he pressed his pelvis harder against the younger man. Eventually, he tugged his mouth away from Ste, but only so he could pepper kisses down the younger man's jaws, all the way to where his pulse thrummed beneath his skin. There was the softest scrape of teeth, just when something started ringing.

Brendan backed away like the heat that had been building between them exploded and burnt away the little bubble they had found themselves in. It was Ste's phone that was ringing, and when he pulled it out, Doug's name flashed on the screen. He closed his eyes at the situation he found himself in; his fiancé calling his phone whilst his lips were swollen, sore and no doubt red, not to mention he probably had stubble burn and tache rash from his ex-husband.

"You should go," The older man's voice was cracked and throaty, but firm nonetheless. Ste looked up from the phone that had rung out, to see a very debauched looking Brendan with his eyes glazed over. "You should go home."

And he didn't mean the one in Hollyoaks village.


	8. Over My Head

**Chapter 8**

"You can't just leave!" Amy was at Ste's heels as he ran around the house gathering his stuff.

This was the best decision for everyone, this place was messing with his head all over again, and for that reason he was messing with Brendan's. This was why he always knew it would be a bad idea to return to the village, because with all the anger he felt for his ex, he knew it was all manufactured to keep him sane. Few days within the man's vicinity and he had already been grinding up against him in his office. He had to get out of this place before he was back to square one.

"Amy, you know this was supposed to be a short visit, okay." Ste tried to reason while he searched in between the sofa cushions for his keys.

"Is this about Brendan? I'm sorry I pushed you to help him last night."

"This has nothing to do with him."

Lies, and Amy knew that too. She crossed her arms and looked at him in a way that said no matter how much he lied to himself, he couldn't lie to her. "Did he do something last night, because –?"

"I – Brendan didn't do anything. I know how he feels about me, I know how he's always felt about me, but I am engaged. I am getting married to someone else."

Amy nodded her head, but didn't say anything, she just walked into the kitchen and retrieved his keys from wherever the hell it was in there. She passed them over with a solemn look, but not before she said her piece. "I'm sure you love Doug. Like, a lot. But don't let your relationship with him take you away from everything that made you who you are."

Ste sighed as he took the keys from her hand and sat down on the sofa, leaning his head back. "That's exactly why I'm with him. I can be a new me, I can create the person I want to be."

"A new you isn't you." Amy sat down beside him and leaned her head against his shoulder. "Don't leave before the kids are back from school, Lucas will never forgive you." That was true. Whatever reconciliation Ste had made with his son was fragile, and leaving now without saying goodbye was going to no doubt break their relationship in a way that could probably never be fixed. "And make sure you say bye to your dad, he's barely seen you while you've been here."

"Yeah, I'll go over now, "Ste groaned, standing up. His body was still aching from the night before, and his head was hurting from spending most of the night thinking about how he didn't know what his life was anymore. "You're gonna come to London for the wedding, right?"

Amy smiled a smile that didn't reach her eyes, but she nodded anyway, before she stood up and kissed him on the cheek. He didn't bother telling her to reserve her judgement until she had actually met Doug, because he knew her, and when she made up her mind, it was hard to get her to change it. The only reason she apparently gave Brendan a second chance was because the man fell into severe depression, and her refusal to help probably would have resulted in Brendan taking drastic and fatal measures.

Ste got into his car and drove to his father's place, which funnily enough used to be the house Brendan used to own before they decided to buy a bigger, family home. It was slightly uncomfortable knowing that his Dad slept in the bed he used to screw his ex-husband in, even if his dad did get a new bed. It wasn't like that spot was the only place in the room where he got down on his hands and knees. Of course he didn't tell his father that. They were close, considering he spent majority of his life not knowing who the man was, but they weren't close enough that he'd tell his old man that he might need to bleach to the room top to bottom, thrice, if he wanted to make sure he properly cleansed out his son's sexcapades.

Ste barely knocked on the door once, before his father swung it open, saying, "Amy called, said you were on your way over."

Ste rolled his eyes, stepping into the house and falling onto the sofa, "lemme guess, she wants you to convince me to stick around a while longer?"

Ste's dad chuckled as he made his way to the kitchen to make Ste a coffee. What he wanted was a beer, but it was probably a little too early for that.

"Depends, really." His father called back from the kitchen. "Are you leaving because Brendan's still in love with you?"

Ste groaned loudly from frustration, this time making his dad roll his eyes when he came back with two mugs of coffee, and passed one over to Ste. "I told Amy, and now I'm telling you, I can't stop Brendan feeling how he does."

Danny took a sip of his coffee, watching Ste over the rim of his mug as he did. He put the beverage on the coffee table and sat next to his son before he spoke again. "Actually, I was going to say, if you're leaving because Brendan tried anything, then I think it's a good idea. I just don't want you to stay away for so long this time."

Ste put his mug on the table too and rubbed his hands down his face, hoping he could wipe away the ridiculousness that was his life, "He didn't try anything."

No, that was all Ste. Ste initiated the kiss, and it was him who didn't want to leave last night. Brendan told him to go, because the older man got it, he didn't want to be something Ste would regret the next day, and he didn't want to be the cause of another failed relationship. Ste never did manage to maintain anything lasting with anyone else, whilst Brendan was around. And instead of taking the blame himself and accepting that he had zero self-control around Brendan, he always blamed the older man for screwing every chance he got with anyone else. Brendan was not going to be that again, he was not going to be something Ste hated himself over the next day.

"Look Ste, I don't doubt that Brendan loves you," Ste's father said, drawing his attention back to the conversation. "But you have a good thing going in London. A great job and a man who loves you. Don't throw it all away for a relationship that already failed once, unless you're sure that it's not going to fail again."

"I don't want to be with Brendan, dad. I love Doug, and I'm going to marry him."

It wasn't a complete lie. He didn't want to be with Brendan. Being with the older man was like waiting for a freaking time bomb to explode. He wanted something simple and predictable now. He wanted to feel safe in his own god damn home. He had a life with Doug, and he was not about to give it all up for a man he spent years, giving chance after chance to, only for him to mess it up again and again.

"Good," his dad smiled. "You're my son, and as much as I like Brendan, it's _you_ who I want happy. If you have that with Doug, then I don't want to see you give it up for a man who made you cry more than he made you smile."

Ste felt the urge to defend Brendan. The older man found himself in a life that didn't exactly have an exit door, which was why Ste had stuck it out with him for so long. But the tears and everything was sort of Ste's own fault. He did want Brendan to change, he really did, but he did also marry the man knowing that he was what he was. Knowing that they could afford the big house, the fancy toys for the kids, because of what Brendan did. He may have begged Brendan to change, but he still lived the life that Brendan's ways bought them. Until he left that was.

Ste just sighed and took a sip of his coffee as he slouched on the sofa, "But he did make me smile, dad."

xxx

Brendan really wished he had gone easy on the whisky last night. He had a headache that felt like one of the elephants they had seen in the zoo was sitting on his head, pressing against the nerves behind his eyes. That was why he didn't trust himself to drive, so he was walking back to the club, aspirins in hand, when he saw some wide eyed, tourist looking guy at the bus stop, peering hard into his phone, obviously trying to make sense of something. Normally he'd leave the person to it, but the man looked like a lost lamb, turning his head every way to figure out which way to go.

"Can I help you?" Brendan found himself asking before he realised his mouth was even moving.

"Err yeah, I was wondering if you know where this place is?" Urgh American. Just what he needed; that accent grating on his last nerve. The man turned his phone to show the address he was trying to get to, and yeah, Brendan knew exactly where that was.

"Yeah, I know that place, you looking for Amy?" He knew better than that, but that didn't mean he didn't want to play dumb.

"No, erm, Ste Hay. Do you know him?"

_Yeah, he had his tongue down my throat last night, but my hearts been in his vice like grip for years now, and the longer he's apart from me the harder he squeezes. There was a point in my life when I wanted to write his name on a bullet, so everyone would know he was the last thing to go through my head. But I got better, until last night._

"He, ah yeah, he's there."

"Cool, can you tell me which way to go?" The Yankee asked, his eyes far too bright, and his smile way too big.

"Sure, better yet, I'll take you." Brendan smiled back just as obnoxiously, and the other man must've noticed its falseness because his expression dropped the slightest bit.

They started to walk towards Amy's house while the American spoke about how Chester was so quaint in comparison to London and New York. Who the fuck used the word quaint? Brendan could look past the accent, he really could, but all the incessant chatter? Steven talked a lot, but how did he get anything said when the Yank stopped to comment on every little thing he found appealing to the eye.

"I'm sorry I didn't catch your name." Brendan said, interrupting the man from his monologue about his journey here.

"Oh, sorry, Doug Carter."

"How do you know Steven?" Hey, ignorance is bliss.

"I'm his fiancé. He came to tell his kids about us, but I thought I'd surprise him."

Wait. Steven wasn't here to tell his kids about the engagement. He could have done that on the phone or Skype or whatever. That was how he told his family anything about his life. Steven came for the sole purpose of a divorce, but Douglas here seemed to know nothing about that. When Brendan told the other man his name in return, the American just smiled and said it was great to meet him, didn't even bat an eyelid. The poor fucker didn't know that his husband to be already had a dearly beloved.

They were at Amy's doorstep by the time Brendan had convinced himself not to burst Douglas's bubble. They waited for the door to open in silence, thank god, and when Amy did finally open the door, she observed them with an incredulous expression.

"Lovely Amy, This is Douglas, he's looking for Steven." Brendan introduced with a faux grin that hurt his face.

Amy's eyes widened the slightest, before she collected herself and offered her best friend's fiancé a smile that could've very well been interpreted to mean, _what the hell are you doing here?_ She didn't say that though, instead she put her hand out and allowed Douglas to shake it. "Ste's not here, he's gone to see his dad."

Douglas's face fell just the tiniest amount, "oh when is he going to be back?"

Amy shrugged and shook her head, "Not sure. They can talk for hours."

Brendan snorted where he stood next to Douglas on the doorstep, "Danny is probably drowning him in coffee."

Douglas turned to look at Brendan, his face frowning, but no less friendly, "I'm sorry, I forgot to ask, how do you know Ste?"

Amy answered just as Brendan opened his mouth to say that he was the guy his fiancé was still married to until a day ago. She didn't say anything like that though, rather, "Cousin. Brendan is his Irish cousin."

Amy inwardly winced at her reply, while Douglas's eyebrows shot up in surprise. Brendan just tried to supress the laughter that was growing inside of him, threatening to erupt. Steven and Brendan looked nothing like relatives; there was no way that had any similar genes. Apart from the fact that their eyes were blue, and different shades at that, they were built like they came from two different species of human. Steven was slim and petite, he was beautiful. Brendan was broad, gruff and like something out of a mafia movie. Douglas bought it though. Just about.

The Yank grinned as he pulled Brendan in for a hug, "it's great to meet you, man. I was beginning to think he was making up all the familial ties."

Brendan patted the other man on his back with a stiffness that only came from being highly uncomfortable. From the corner of his eyes, he could make out Amy putting a hand over her mouth to hide her laughter. He tried to glare at her, but it was pointless, seeing as she was too busy snickering to really look at him.

"So which way is his dad's house? I can surprise him and meet the in laws at the same time." Douglas finally let him go and asked with that obnoxious smile back on his face.

"I'll take you. I really wanna see the look on Steven's face." Brendan said while he straightened his suit jacket. Amy was about to protest, but Brendan gave her a look that made her put her hands up in surrender. The American gave them a weird look at that, but they both ignored it, preferring to carry on their silent conversation. They had become good at that, considering Amy often wanted to say something that wasn't appropriate for the kids to hear, but could not wait till later to say it when the kids weren't around.

Eventually, she smiled and directed her words at Douglas, "It was really great meeting you, Doug. I hope we can have a proper conversation after you've seen Ste."

Douglas smiled his farewell and followed Brendan, so they could walk to Danny's house. On the way, Brendan took the opportunity to ask the American some questions about how Steven was doing in London. He knew that the younger man had a flourishing career, but that was about it. He never heard anything about Steven's personal life over there. He obviously had one, otherwise Douglas would not have existed. Brendan used to think maybe no one told him about it to avoid hurting his feelings, but he didn't think anyone else actually knew about Douglas before the past few days either.

According to the Yank, they met when Steven had first become the head chef at where he worked. He very rarely talked about home, but when he did, his kids were mainly the hot topic, whereas everyone else were merely passing mentions. Steven worked more hours than he slept, and he had become something of a control freak during his time in the City. The American spoke about it like this was normal for Steven, but in actuality it was atypical. Steven had thrown himself into a life that wasn't him, and his desperation to keep it meant he started to give up on having an actual life. By the time they actually got Steven's father's place, Brendan couldn't help but feel that he didn't actually know who the hell Douglas had even been talking about on the whole way over.

Brendan walked up the stairs to where the house was, but waited until Douglas joined him before he knocked on the door. He was expecting Danny to open it, but instead on the other side was a very drunk, flushed looking Steven. Well, someone had started early. When the younger man saw who it was on the other side, he stood taller, and he was clearly sobering up fast.

"Brendan, Doug, what – what – how – what –"

Okay, this was going nowhere. "Steven, I found this in the bus stop. Apparently, it belongs to you."

Douglas ignored him, opting to dive in to kiss Steven on the mouth. It was like a reflex movement for Brendan to look away. He had to resist the jealousy that rose up like claws crawling up his ribs; Steven was no longer his to be jealous about. Douglas had every right to kiss his fiancé, Steven was nothing to him now. He forced himself not to read into the fact that Steven's eyes had been open and looking pleading at him the whole time. That wasn't fair, Steven chose the life he wanted, and it wasn't the one he left behind.

"Brendan –" Steven started, when Douglas stepped back.

"It must be so exhausting," Brendan smiled, his stomach curling in anger that was coming out of nowhere. No, he knew where it was coming from, it was coming from the knowledge that the love of his life had divorced him, kissed him, and then kissed another man in his presence, all in the space of a few days.

"What?" Douglas and Steven asked in unison.

"Living a lie."

Douglas's face dropped any smile that might have been lingering on his face before he turned to Steven. "What is he talking about?"

When Steven didn't say anything to rectify the situation, Brendan shook his head and laughed mirthlessly as he turned to the Yank, "you and I are in love with two very different people."

He looked at Steven for a second, then turned on his heels and left.

xxx

Doug watched Brendan with an inquisitive expression on his face before he turned to look at Ste, "please tell me he's a second cousin."

Ste didn't know what Doug was talking about, but he didn't want to lie anymore. If he really was going to marry this man, he deserved to know everything. Ste didn't want to lead two lives, and his fiancé deserved to know what he was marrying into. He deserved to know that Ste had sisters who were crazier than a room full of mental patients put together. That Leah and Lucas would probably find it hard to get to know Doug, because their loyalties lay somewhere else. And that Ste wasn't actually raised by his dad, but instead a mother who neglected him and a stepfather who beat him. And how Amy was his best friend, but so was Cheryl, a woman who was connected to him in more ways than friendship. He deserved to know it all. And more than that, he deserved to know who Brendan really was.

Ste swallowed before he spoke in a hushed tone, so soft he kind of hoped Doug didn't hear, "he's my husband."


	9. I Think I Wanna Marry You

**Chapter 9**

"What?!" Doug's eyes were so wide, Ste was sure that if he turned his head at a certain angle he would probably be able to see the inside of his fiancé's head.

"I mean, ex-husband." Ste corrected himself. He had to remember that Brendan had now signed the papers, which were already in the hands of Ste's lawyers. They weren't married anymore, Ste had gotten what he asked for; whether it was something he still wanted was not a topic he wanted to venture.

"You married your cousin?!" Ste didn't think it was possible, but Doug's eyes had widened even further.

"NO!" He didn't know where Doug got this idea about cousins. Yeah, Hollyoaks was a small village, but they weren't freaking inbreeding. "I came down here do finalise my divorce, I swear."

"Ste!" Doug elongated the E of his name like if he stretched it on for long enough, Ste might spontaneously say that all this was just a joke.

He was getting ready to grovel, when his dad came up behind him with a grin spread across his face, "Ste, this must be your new someone." His dad pushed him aside a little so he could put his hand out for Doug to shake, who took it with a dazed expression. "I'm Danny Lomax, Ste's father."

Doug dropped his hand like it weighed the weight of the world and turned to look at Ste again, his expression pinched into a deep frown, disappointment screaming across it. "Lomax, you said your name was Hay."

"IT IS!" Okay, he may not have told Doug about Terry and Pauline, but it wasn't like he lied, he just omitted bits of information, and if Doug seemed to take it as that he grew up with Danny and Sam, then that wasn't Ste's problem. That much. Fine, it was, but he didn't want to rehash his abusive childhood all over again, not when he had a good thing going.

Doug shook his head in a solemn movement and started to walk away. He was already half way across the street by the time Ste managed to get his feet into his shoes and ran out the door.

"Doug, wait," Ste's feet were pounding the pavement so fast, it matched the thumping in his chest. He couldn't lose Doug, the man gave him the normalcy he had always craved, and he gave him the safety he'd always needed. "Please, I just…" he managed to get a hold of Doug's sleeve, but the American nudged it away so suddenly, Ste tripped a little in his haste to cling on. "Let me try to explain myself." Ste was chasing Doug across the village in what seemed to be a weird zig-zag, loop the loop motion, making him nearly fall over himself several times. People were beginning to gather to watch the commotion, but Doug still wouldn't stop walking away. "You don't understand, Doug!"

"I know!" Doug finally stopped dead in the middle of the street and turned around with a thunderous expression. "I don't understand anything."

"Doug, this is not who I am anymore." Ste's voice may have cracked in his desperation to keep Doug from going away.

"I don't know who you are," Doug stormed up to him, so their faces were only inches apart, and Ste could feel the heat of his fury. "I don't know what else you lied about. But what I do know is that there is a train back to London this evening, and I am on it." The American turned and walked off in a direction he probably didn't even know where it led to, but just needed to get away from his lying, scumbag fiancé. Ste should've gone after him again, but the tears welling up in his eyes just made him want to go back to his dad and beg him to fix this. That's what Dads were for, and Ste never asked his father for anything, but he'd ask for this.

Back in the house, his dad called in reinforcement, and before he knew it, the house was filled with his family. Amy was a lying liar, who lied about having work, she had called in sick when she found out that Ste was in town, but just told him he she had work , so that Ste would help Brendan out. Leela was supposed to be on patrol duty, but she had told her partner that there was a family emergency, but to call her if her assistance was required. Tegan had pretended that she was feeling nauseated and needed to get home from work, and Perrie, well she was just ditching her classes. Ste was buried in a pillow fort in his father's living room, by the time Sam came home with Leah, Lucas and Rose. She was supposed to be at work too, but there wasn't any kind of big investigation going on, so she took the responsibility of picking the kids up when she left work early. They were all trying to feed him comforting words, whilst Rose climbed him like a jungle gym, and his own kids sat beside him with suspiciously chuffed expressions. Of course they'd be pleased with Ste losing Doug, they probably thought it'd give Brendan a chance to dive in and prove that he was the one that Ste should be with.

"I've ruined everything, good and proper." Ste whined into his pillow.

"Dad, that's in the eye of the beholder, some might see this as a good thing." Leah grinned at him. Of course – it might've been Lucas, who was more vocal about his dislike in regards to Ste's pending nuptials, but Leah had always been Brendan's princess. He should've known better than to think that she would welcome Doug.

Ste threw a pillow at her, igniting a fit of laughter and a pillow fight amongst the children, but he just buried himself further into his fort. Eventually, Leela groaned loudly about how she had enough of this moping already and she was going to cut Ste if he didn't get up. He didn't, but she was an officer of the law, so she didn't cut him either. What she did do was try to pull him up, then asked Tegan to help when he forced his body to relax into dead weight. They ultimately managed to get him up on his feet and dragged him into the kitchen.

"So, cooking always used to be therapeutic for you back in the day." Leela said as she began to bring out bowls and ingredients. She used the phrased 'used to be' because cooking had become the source of a lot of stress in the more recent years, but he still wouldn't give up his job for the easiest career out there. "And I'm hungry, so why don't you cook a family meal, and kill two birds with one stone. I get my food, and you chill the fuck out."

Tegan slapped Leela around the back of the head and chastised her, "Lee, there are kids present."

"It's okay Aunt Tegan, Grandma Sam already said she'll put us in jail if we curse." Leah said as she trudged into the kitchen, and climbed onto the stool beside the breakfast bar. "I'll help you, dad. I like cooking too."

Ste smiled at his daughter and kissed her on the forehead. His life may be going to shit all over again, but at least he still had his kids who would love him no matter what a screw up he was. Even Lucas; the little boy's problem was less that he couldn't love his dad because he's been away for so long, and more that he loved his dad and couldn't understand why that wasn't enough to make him stay. Speaking of, the youngest Hay walked in a few minutes after his sister and offered his assistance too.

Ste decided he was going to make a roast dinner, he hadn't made one of those for a long time. He hadn't actually had a proper meal, with all the works with his family in years, so if he was going to cook for them, he was bloody well going to do it properly. Leela had been right, the peeling, the chopping, and the stirring, all of it allowed his mind to ease into a humming sound of contentment.

He just handed his kids carrots to peel when the doorbell went off, and Perrie called from the front of the house, "Ste, it's for you."

Ste put the heat down on the cooker and followed the voice to the front door to find his fiancé standing there, his hands behind his back in a self-preservative stance. Yeah, his family could be a little intimidating when they were all together. Hell, they were intimidating individually too. Amy was as sweet as pie, but she also had a mouth on her that she knew how to use in the most vindictive way if the occasion called. His sisters were alike in that way that they were pretty outspoken, so they said what was on their mind, didn't matter how inappropriate it might be. Sam didn't really have to say anything, the woman exuded power, which was probably why she became a detective; she had authority spilling out of every pore. And his dad, well, who wouldn't be intimidated by the in law.

"Hey," Doug smiled and took a step forward, further into the house.

"Hi." Ste was a little in shock that it took him a moment to actually realise that Doug was here, he came back. "I thought you'd be on a train back to London by now."

Doug nodded his head slowly, "so did I."

There was silence after that, neither of them knowing where to go from there. However, before it could get any more uncomfortable, Sam stepped forward, "If I knew we were gonna have company, I would've got the girls to clean up."

"Like hell," Perrie yelled at that, whilst Leela and Tegan grumbled in agreement with their sister.

Doug raised an eyebrow and quirked his lips, before looking at Ste with amusement in his eyes. He nodded his head the tiniest amount, silently asking for an introduction.

Ste shook his head and smiled softly, "err, this is Perrie, she's the baby sister. Leela, the big sister, and Tegan, she's a baby mama to the beautiful Rose over here." He pointed at each of them respectively, each of them giving a wave as their names were called out, Rose even curtsied a little which made Doug's smile grow a little wider. Ste beamed too, before he carried on with the introductions, "That's Sam, she's my stepmum, and you've met my Dad." The two nodded in acknowledgement, and Ste moved on, "This is Amy, she's my best friend, and the mother of my kids. And these two, are my babies, Leah and Lucas."

Ste had expected his kids to whine at him for calling them babies, but they didn't. What they did was stare at Doug like they were memorising his features, so they could make voodoo dolls of him later and snap his neck in half. Just to illustrate the notion, and hammer home their disapproval, Leah brought the carrot she was supposed to have been peeling to her mouth, and bit a lunch chunk off with a snap that resonated through the room. From the corner of his eyes, Ste could see Tegan wince at the gesture, while Perrie tried to muffle her laughter in her palms. Amy just moved to stand in front of the pair, so they would stop trying to kill the newcomer with the power of their mind.

"This is my family," Ste finished, when Doug said nothing.

Doug sighed once, but it wasn't one of frustration, more exhaustion. He allowed his face to relax into a welcoming expression and finally spoke, "It's a pleasure to meet everyone; I'm Doug Carter. Ste's fiancé." He stepped forward, closer to Ste and continued to speak to the family, even as he kept eye contact with his husband to be. "That is… if he'll still have me." Doug took a deep breath before he carried on, as if he had told himself what he was about to say over and over again in the past few hours, and had prepared how he was going to say it out loud to Ste. "Look, Ste, you have a past, everyone has got one, I get that, and I really don't care what happened over here. What I need to know is whether there is a place for me in your future."

"That is so sweet," Sam sighed somewhere behind Ste, whilst he just looked on in wonderment.

He must've done something right in his past life for someone like Doug to give him another chance after Ste had outright lied to him. He could feel a smile form across his face and his legs walk towards Doug, before his mind could even catch up with what was happening. He hugged Doug close to him, the other man wrapping around him like liquid, fitting into every curve and groove of his body. Behind him, he could hear his sisters talking in hushed voices about whether this meant if the wedding was back on, and Rose asking, again, if she could be flower girl.

Doug separated from him with a laugh and finally answer the vital question, "yeah, you can be flower girl."

Ste moved to stand beside Doug and wrapped his arm around the other man's waist, leaning his chin on his shoulder. He kissed him on the cheek and whispered, "I thought I'd lost you."

Doug turned his head to meet Ste's mouth, placing a chaste kiss there while Perrie made loud hurling noises, "guess you gotta work a little harder for that."

Ste smiled; they were gonna be okay, but they still had so much to talk about. He probably should've had the conversation in private, but – without his brain's consent – he blurted out, "Danny is my dad, but I didn't know anything about him until my late teens. I was raised by my mum, and stepdad who was a Hay and that's why my name is not Lomax. My stepdad was a bastard and my mum a bitch, and that's why I never told you about them. I don't like the way they make me feel, so I don't like talking about them either."

Ste was a little breathless after his rant, having said his entire mini speech in one breath. He wished there was a fire in the kitchen or something, so he could run away from the awkwardness that he had just created. He was aware that his past in regards to his family was probably the least important of the multitude of things they should talk about, but it was easier than talking about Brendan. Brendan, who was angry with him, upset with him, who had every right hate him for fucking with his head.

"Oh-Kay." Doug said, when no one else spoke. "Well, I was wondering when you wanna go back to London to start organising the wedding."

"NO!" The sudden shout was from Lucas, who had shoved passed his mother and was looking up at Ste with anger and hurt on his face. "You can't leave, you just got here. You can't let him take you away."

Ste bent down where he was standing, so he could crouch down in front of his son, "he's not taking me anywhere, Lucas. I just need to sort out the wedding, and then you and everyone else will go over there to see me get married."

"I don't want to go to London, I hate it in London." Lucas was going into a full blown stubborn mode, which meant that he was about to have a tantrum in any second if he wasn't subdued fast.

Beside him, Doug crouched down too, and took Lucas's hand in his. Ste was surprised that his son didn't use the opportunity to pull Doug's arm out of its socket. Instead, he let Doug rub it warm as the man spoke, "Lucas, if you don't like London, maybe your dad and I can get married in Chester, and you can show me around too."

Lucas snatched his hand away and went to stand next to his sister, who took the hand Doug had been holding into her own clasp, like she was trying to neutralise the unwanted touch with her own. There was a look of unity amongst them that, if it were any other time, Ste would have found so damn adorable, it would have brought a tear to his eyes. Considering the circumstances, it just made him roll his eyes with annoyance; they weren't even giving Doug a chance.

"The wedding can be in Hollyoaks, but I don't want to show you around," Lucas said, like he was bestowing some sort of favour on Doug by allowing the wedding to take place in the village, even if he didn't want to hang out with his dad's fiancé.

Doug just smiled at the cold his children were emitting towards him and stood up, whilst Ste's father came forward and slapped a hand on Doug's back, making the smaller man fall forward a bit. "A wedding in Hollyoaks, prepare for everyone's noses in your business."

"Dad, please don't go boasting about me getting married." Ste whined. Last time, his father had gone round complaining about his wedding. He hadn't been in Ste's life for very long then, so he didn't understand the relationship Brendan and he had. Sam may have been the detective in their marriage, but it didn't stop Danny from investigating as much as he could find out about the man his son was about to marry. He hadn't been too happy about what he did find.

"Hey, how many times does my only son get married?" Danny grinned as he walked over to Sam and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, not realising the thick cloud of awkwardness that had descended into the room, until Sam nudged him in the ribs. "Oh, you know, apart from the last time."

Leela burst out laughing, breaking the tension in the room. She shook her head in amusement as she made her way up to Doug and gripped his arm, so she could drag him to the sofa to sit down. She told Ste to go back to the kitchen and finish making the food while they interrogated Doug about his intentions towards their brother. He did as asked, but this time his kids didn't follow behind to help. They stayed in the living room too, no doubt, to make Doug feel as uncomfortable as possible. If the man could survive the night, Ste thought that perhaps he might just survive their family. Whether he'd fit in was another matter. Doug came from such a conservative upbringing, and as liberal as he was, he would still be an odd fit in a family that were essentially made up and united in the knowledge that they were fucked up.

The food went down as well as Ste could expect; Sam making noises of content, while Tegan announced how the food tasted what an orgasm felt like. She got a slap around the head from Leela for that, and a sarcastic warning to watch what she said in front of the kids. Leah had just laughed at that, told the table that she was in secondary school now, and they were learning about sex, anyway. Lucas had been grossed out by that, so Leah went on to ask graphic questions about intercourse just to see her brother squirm. The kid wasn't the only one, Ste wanted to peel his skin off, just so he had something to gag his daughter with. Thank god for his dad, who asked Leah if she really wanted to know about her granddad's sex life, because he was more than happy to draw her a diagram. That was enough to make Leah green in her chair.

After dinner, Lucas wanted to watch a movie, so everyone squeezed into every seat available in the living room. But Ste grabbed the landline, and told everyone that he had to call Eddie to tell him that he had to drag his butt over to Chester for the wedding. Nobody really paid any attention to him other than Doug, who just smiled as Ste made his way up the stairs.

He went into the spare bedroom and locked the door behind him. He really did need to call Eddie, but more than that he_ wanted_ to call Brendan. The man's numbers were saved on the phone, so he called Brendan's personal line first, which went straight to voicemail. He called the club next, but Jake answered and told him that Brendan was going to be coming in. That left Brendan's house phone, which rang and rang and rang. Ste continued to call again and again, even though the fact that it kept ringing out might've meant that the older man wasn't home. But he kept calling anyway, even as the clock ticked loudly, warning him that his absence downstairs would be noticed. He called, until the line on the other end made a high pithed beep, telling him that Brendan had disconnected the phone.

He had been home. He had just been ignoring the younger man. Ste just hoped the TV downstairs was loud enough to block out the sound of the phone breaking as it hit the wall.


	10. A Little Too Late

**Chapter 10**

Doug's parents were over two weeks after it had been decided that the wedding was going to be held in Chester. Suffice to say, they weren't too pleased about the fact that the ceremony was going to have to be downsized. Considering how much they didn't want their son to be getting married to a man, they sure as hell wanted to flaunt the biggest wedding their money could buy. Doug's mother wasn't too bad, she hated that her son was gay initially, but she had come to somewhat accept it. She realised that if she wanted to see Doug happy, she had to face that he wasn't going to be waiting at the end of the aisle for a woman in a white. Doug's father, on the other hand, said he didn't mind that his son was gay, as long as he didn't date a man. Logic.

They were staying at a hotel in town, but Ste's dad had insisted that they have an introductory meal with all the fancy works, special silverware included. So that meant Leah was in her best dress, scratching herself raw because the stiff material made her itch, whilst she kept elbowing Doug's mum every time she moved her arm to ease the skin irritation. The woman was not at all impressed with Ste's daughter's manners, however, at least she came across like she was human. Lucas just sat there looking like he was praying for some kind of natural disaster to wipe away the entire Carter family.

"Why did you have to put that dress on Leah?" Ste asked Amy in a whisper when he told her to help carry the starters in.

"She said she wanted to wear it. She probably knew this was going to happen, now we're gonna have to leave soon."

"You can't leave me." The decibels in Ste's voice may have gotten a little higher, before he cleared his throat and tried again, "they wanna eat me alive, Ames, you have to stay."

Amy just rolled her eyes as she took a couple of the plates and headed back to the table. Conversation was awkward there with his sisters trying to seem like civil beings by not cursing or saying anything offensive, whilst Danny and Sam were observing their daughters like they were alien replicates of the girls. Doug, bless his soul, tried to mediate, but he wasn't very successful, so even he shut up after a while.

By the time the night came to an end, and Ste bid Doug and his parents farewell, he was ready to go home and hit the sack. Doug was staying at the hotel his parents were at due to the kids still being uncomfortable with him sleeping with their father. Ste stayed there, though, Lucas made sure of that with his puppy dog, watery eyes.

"Eddie's coming tomorrow, right?" Amy asked when they were in the car on the way back to hers, the kids sleepy in the backseats.

"Yeah, we're looking at venues, it's the only thing Connie is letting me do. You still coming?"

"Yep, Eddie and I haven't moaned about you working too much in a long time, anyway. It's time for a catch up." Ah yes, Amy and Eddie's favourite choice of topic whenever they had the opportunity to talk. You'd think with Eddie being Ste's boss, he'd appreciate all the hours Ste puts into perfecting his menu, but no, the man wanted him to relax once in a while. He totally relaxed, he relaxed when he could end the day knowing that he had completed a day's work to the best of his ability.

"Shut up," Ste mumbled fondly as he parked the car in front of the house. He carried in Lucas, who had fallen asleep, whilst Leah just about managed to make it herself, walking like a zombie as she did. Ste fell into bed soon after, clothes 'n' all.

He woke up the next morning when he heard Amy squealing a hello in the living room. He got up to see his boss in there with Ste's kids on either side of him, unwrapping presents. Eddie was perhaps the only thing about his life London that the kids didn't hate. He was Uncle Eddie to them, even if they had never met. He always sent them care packs with copious amounts of sugary treats, so it was no surprise that he was their favourite southern person.

"Eddie, you just get here?" Ste asked, pouring himself some coffee.

"Yeah, but we're running late. The woman from the first venue already called and she asked if we're arriving any time soon."

Ste just nodded silently and downed the rest of his much needed caffeine. He had to get the kids ready for school and drop them off on the way first. Amy had taken the day off again, and Ste was beginning to suspect that she had a thing going on with the head teacher, who had had a thing for her when she was just a trainee at the school. How else did she keep getting days off on demand?

He had the kids in school and the three of them got to the first appointment just a few minutes late. However, that didn't stop the woman who was showing them around from giving dirts. So, this place wasn't going to be successful, then; Ste didn't think he could stand her face long enough to actually plan the wedding to take place there. They didn't stick around for too long, and after the fourth place on their list, Eddie was exhausted. Having the wedding would have been so much easier in London; Ste had connections, what with catering for a lot of weddings, he could have even got a discount. In Chester things were a lot cheaper in comparison, but Ste didn't know anything about anything. One place was big enough, but it didn't have a place for the caterers to set up. How was he supposed to feed anyone? In London, Ste would've just gotten his sous chef to cook his own damn menu.

The place they did end up liking was the closest to Hollyoaks village, so much so that Amy was cooing about horses and shit to travel the distance from the house to the venue. Ste wanted to bang his head against a brick wall; being gay didn't mean he wanted his wedding to look like something out of a Disney movie. In fact, he wanted to quite the opposite, the place he wanted was old and looked like it was falling apart a bit. But there was something so beautiful about the destructive appearance. It had a grand hall, with columns supporting the high domed roof, which had a large open circle. It had been renovated and glass had been put on to prevent bad weather getting in, but opened up if requested. The marble floor was polished, however the walls were bricked without being painted or smoothen over to preserve the archaic aesthetic. With flowers and lights the place would look like something out of a photo shoot, and Ste wanted it. Only problem was, it cost an arm and a leg.

"If you have your own caterers, we can cut that cost off," Rory, the woman who was negotiating the price with them said.

"We are getting our own caterers, but it's still too much." Eddie was doing the talking because no one was going to get rude to an old guy if he starting to get angry at the extortion taking place.

"We have a liaison with a local alcohol provider, cutting off any more of the price will mean that we cut off a chunk of his fees, and of course we can't do that."

"Says who?!" Ste butt in and got an elbow to his ribs for his efforts by Amy.

"Look," Amy sighed and took Rory by the elbow to wander off with her, so they could speak in whispers. Eddie managed to knock off a sufficient amount of the total cost of the venue, but whatever Amy had up her sleeve was more than welcome, because the place was still out of his and Doug's price range. Eddie looked at him questioningly when Amy got out her phone and showed something on it to Rory, who looked up at Amy and nodded vigorously. Ste didn't know what was going on, so he just shrugged at his boss. Eventually, Amy came back with a smug look on her face, saying, "she'll knock off a bit more."

"But," the woman jumped in before Amy could explain why they were getting a discount. "You're going to have to talk to Mr Brady yourself. I know you say you know him, but if that's the case, you'll have to sort out the price with him."

"Wait, what?" Ste asked, with a dumb gape on his face. Surely Mr Brady was not his Brady, err the Brady he knew.

"Mr Brady provides the bar service for all major events that take place here, if you want the cost down for the alcohol, it's a matter you'll have to take up with him."

Amy sighed beside Ste like this was not her plan when she discussed this with the woman. She probably wanted Rory to sort it out, so that Ste would never know his ex-husband was helping him out with his wedding to another man. Amy rubbed her forehead a few times and nodded at Rory before shooing her away. She took a deep breath when she turned to look at Ste, who had an expression of unadulterated disbelief spread across his face.

"You knew Brendan had a partnership with them?" Ste asked when he managed to get back to himself.

"Well, yeah, but it's not my fault, okay. He provides the bar service for every single venue you checked out today." Amy tried to reason.

"WHAT?!" Ste was trying to be quiet because the place was really echoey when it was empty, but he had no doubt that his frustration was coming through.

"I – He, that's how he makes a living, he –"

"No, he makes a living –" Ste turned to look at Eddie, who was watching their argument with confusion. Oh yeah, he didn't know about Brendan. "You know how he makes a living."

"Steven Hay," Amy was getting angry now. She only ever used his full name when she was royally pissed. "Do you think I'd let our kids anywhere near him if he still played that game?"

"Well – but – he, ah fuck, let's go."

He drove Amy and Eddie back to the village, but didn't get out of the car with them. Instead, he drove to Chez Chez to see Brendan about, well ask him a load of question, so Ste could make sense of what was going on. He climbed up the stairs to the floor with the office two at a time, to find only Cheryl behind the bar, filing her nails.

"Hey Ste," Cheryl greeted when she spotted him. "What can I do for you?"

"Err, is your brother here?"

"Nope, but –"

"It's alright, I just need to check something in his office," Ste interrupted and barged into the office, whilst Cheryl just nodded at him in a robotic movement of shock.

The office was exactly the same as it had been the last time he was in here, but now that Ste wasn't exhausted from being on his feet all day, he allowed himself the opportunity to actually see what was in the room. That's when he noticed that those certificate things he had seen last time were actually certificates of acknowledgements of his partnership with several companies, not just in Chester, but a significant chunk of North England. He didn't just have partnerships, though, he had other clubs too, two in Liverpool, another one in Cheshire and one in Manchester. Brendan's earnings were clean, like full on legit.

Ste sat down behind the desk and opened the desk drawers. If Brendan did have anything dodgy going on, he probably wouldn't have put it in such an obvious place, but Ste had to start somewhere. It wasn't that he wanted to find something bad, but he didn't want to come to face that the excuse he'd given himself for being apart from Brendan wasn't even applicable anymore.

There was nothing in the top drawer other than schedules and other club shit, but in the last one there was a manila folder that had nothing to do with the bars. It was a document provided to him by the police and the bottom was signed by Samantha Lomax, his stepmother. It had information that Ste didn't quite understand, but words like narcotics and names that Brendan had worked with in the past were scattered through it. He flipped back to the front page, finally recognising what the papers were.

"What are you doing here?" Ste hadn't even heard the door open, when Brendan's voice startled him from the front of the room. He had his arms folded across his chest and was leaning against the doorframe with a raised eyebrow.

"You're a confidential informant?" Ste asked, instead of answering Brendan's question.

The older man sighed and walked further into the room before he slipped the folder from Ste's hand and opened the safe to place it in there. "It was a deal I made with Sam. A little while after you left, I told her everything she would need to know to put me away." Brendan sat on the sofa and leaned his head against the wall as he used his foot to close the door to the office. "She told me if I helped her catch other people and stayed out of trouble myself, she'd wipe my records clean." Brendan shook his head and chuckled to himself when he continued with, "so yeah, I'm an ex dealer that now works with the police to send down the people I used to get my drugs from."

"Brendan, if anyone found out, this could get you killed." Ste hadn't realised he was panicked until it came across in his voice.

"I know, but if I wanted to start again, it was this or prison. I wouldn't have a life in prison. That money in our joint account, that's where all the money I get for being a CI goes, and some of my money from the clubs. If anything happened to me, I'd know that the kids are taken care of."

"That's a lot of money for two kids, Declan and Paddy would never have to work again." Ste tried to joke to lessen the tension in the room.

"It's for four kids." Brendan responded without missing a beat, like it was never a second thought to him to make sure Leah and Lucas were provided for in case of his death.

"Brendan, I –" Ste didn't know what he wanted to say, but he didn't get the chance to, anyway.

"So, Amy texted me. Apparently you want the Drayton Hall venue, nice place, can't imagine your Douglas getting married there, but whatever." Brendan stood up and picked up a folder from the table, feigning interest so that he wouldn't have to look at Ste.

"Brendan, please," Ste didn't want to talk about his upcoming wedding with Doug. Not with Brendan, anyway, but the older man wasn't listening. He was listing pros and cons of the hall like he was Ste's freaking wedding planner. "Brendan, I'm sorry!"

The older man's head snapped up with a look of bafflement, "what for?"

"For thinking you weren't capable of this." Ste put his arm up and sort of waved it to the wall where all the certificates were. "Of making something of yourself."

Brendan looked back down at the folder and started to flip through the pages again, but this time his movements were a little more lethargic, "I'm sorry it's too late."

Ste felt like someone had cut him from naval to throat, splayed him wide open and tore his guts out. They were both too late. Ste had promised himself to someone else, someone who loved him and cared for him, and didn't deserve to be hurt by Ste. He didn't deserve to have Ste over at his ex-husband's workplace while he was at a suit fitting for their wedding. Ste was too late to discover that Brendan did love him enough to change, he just didn't know how. Sam helped him, Amy helped him, all the people that were only connected to the older man by marriage were the ones who stuck by, when Ste's only resolution was to run.

"You can have the bar for free," Brendan suddenly said, breaking the pregnant silence in the room. "I can afford it, and I screwed up your first wedding, so the least I can do is help you get a perfect second chance."

Ste swallowed back the word vomit that was threatening to explode from his mouth, in which he'd reveal that he was scared. About getting married. Abut sealing the end of everything they were. He may have not seen Brendan for the past six years, but Brendan was such a large part of his life, that he didn't know how he was going to live with any other man. He didn't say any of that though, Brendan had come to terms with the demise of their relationship, and it was time for Ste to join him.

"You don't have to do that." Ste said, clearing his throat of emotions.

"I know, but I wanna," Brendan threw the folder back onto the table and slipped his hands in his pant pockets.

"I called you a few times, you didn't pick up." Ste said, remembering how Sam hadn't even questioned him about the broken phone when she found him sulking in the guest room. Just let him seethe until he got up and left on his own accord

"I know, but I don't think we have anything to talk about," Brendan replied as he made his way to the door. "I wish you all the luck, Steven." And with that he left Ste standing in his office, silently begging for a glimpse of the old Brendan, who would have locked him in here until he made Ste admit what he couldn't even tell himself. Yeah, he saw the irony in that; Ste left because Brendan wouldn't change, and now that he was back, he resented the very thing he craved.

Ste rubbed his face and stepped out of the office only to be faced with Cheryl handing him a beer. She smiled at him and told him that he looked like he needed it. She didn't say anything to him for a while, but Ste could see the agitation of remaining silent growing in here until she poured herself a wine and downed it in one.

"You know, he went down there," She blurted out of nowhere.

Ste frowned and turned on the stool he was sitting on until he was looking at Cheryl properly. "Who? Brendan?"

Cheryl bit her lips guilty and nodded.

"When?"

"About a year after you left. No one else knows, but I…" She drifted off, not quite knowing how to continue that sentence.

"Brendan was in London?"

"He told me he'd never see you so happy. That he'd need to do more than apologise to win you back." She shifted in her seat and concentrated on her hair as she started to twirl the ends of it, a gesture she did when she realised she was saying something she shouldn't, but reckoned if she wasn't looking in the other person's eyes, it wasn't so bad. "He knew that he had to conquer the world to win you back… he's been trying ever since."

Ste took a large gulp of his drink, before he thumped his head against the bar top, "that's why he kept sending the divorce papers back."

"Yeah," Cheryl placed an elbow on the bar and leaned her head in her palm, as she looked down at her glass of wine, "It's funny how things don't work out."


	11. Hear The Wedding Bells Roar

**Chapter 11**

Brendan was trying to sort out the rota for next week when he heard thunder in the distance. Great, the weather was going to match his mood, not that he had a thunderous mood or anything; that would imply he was angry. What he felt like was that he was weighed down by the accumulation of regret with a touch of dismay, and he was afraid that he was going to tear apart at any moment and spill out into a puddle of pathetic tears.

He was not going to cry for Steven Hay, he'd spent years pining for the man, years watching the door, his heart picking up every time there was a rattle, only to crawl into the bottom of his stomach when it was revealed to be nothing. He'd spilled his tears for the man, spilled his guts _to_ him, and there was nothing left for him to do. Steven had picked the life that he wanted, and it was one that didn't include Brendan. He'd have the perfect husband in his plaid shirts and comb over hair, who didn't care what time Steven came home because the fact of the matter was, Steven was going to be coming home to him.

Brendan sighed and gave up on work, opting to put away all the little mantle pieces in his living room in a cardboard box. He probably should have started packing ages ago, but a little part of him was hoping that something would occur in which he wouldn't have to. In other words, he deluded himself into thinking that after he gave Steven the divorce, the younger man would realise it wasn't what he wanted after all. Maybe he should have fought for Steven when Douglas turned up, but something stubborn inside of Brendan felt Steven shouldn't need him to fight, after all this time he shouldn't have to.

The younger man had always begged Brendan to change, and yeah, maybe he was a little late with changing in regard to how he made his money, but he changed where it mattered. He was Catholic for Christ's sake, it was beaten into him that homosexuality was the devil's game. He was struck by his father until the mantra – _man shall not lie with man _– was engraved into his skin, making him feel like tearing it off because he didn't want to want what he craved. When Steven came into his life, the feelings he experienced for him had him believing that he was a freak, that he shouldn't desire Steven, it wasn't normal, he wasn't normal.

But he changed. He changed because it was what Steven wanted. Steven wanted someone who would grab a bite to eat and have a drink with him in public, who wouldn't flinch every time their skins touched where others could see. Who would kiss him, caress him, and make love to him without making him feel like a dirty secret after. Who would love him and not be ashamed to tell him exactly that. And Brendan did all that, slowly but surely he came out to his sister and father, to his ex-wife and children. Whilst his sister and the kids accepted it, he took the abuse his father gave, and let his wife cry and call him every name under the sun until she understood that he never meant to hurt her, never wanted to lie to her. He tore off his shell and exposed himself raw to the world, because that was what it took to prove to Steven that he loved him.

Brendan had fought for Steven from the moment they met. Even in his absence, Brendan never stopped fighting. Not until the moment his pen scratched the paper beneath it and he signed away the reason he was able to be a husband again, a father, and a man he was proud to look in the mirror and see. He signed away his purpose to continuously improve, so that one day he could sit back and truly mean it when he said to himself that yeah, he deserved happiness. But that didn't mean he wanted to give it all up, what he wanted was for once to be worth fighting for.

Brendan closed the box he was filling up and taped it shut, before he used a black marker to scribble_ FRAGILE _across it. He had most of the living room packed, only the TV and the love seat remained, and that was only because he got bored and wanted to watch the telly every half hour, before realising that he didn't actually like TV. But hey, skipping the channels from beginning to end was kind of entertaining in a _my life is so pathetic_ way.

It was still early, but he had get it all done and be at work later seeing as he let most of his staff work at the wedding instead. He had some coming in for the evening shift, and he actually had separate staff to work the bar for events, but Jake, Camille and three of his other bar staff had taken a liking to Steven and wanted to work at the wedding. Not to mention that working in the venues Brendan had partnerships with, paid a lot better. Greedy, traitor bastards.

Brendan was walking up the stairs when he heard his front door open, and his heart may have jumped up and lodged in his throat for a millisecond when he thought it was Steven coming home. It wasn't. It was his sister, her hair exceptionally glossy and bouncy, make up bright and applied immaculately. She had a hat on that looked like a more feminine, downsized top hat with a net that fell over the face. Her dress looked like something from the prom section of Sluts R Us, but he was the only one allowed to think that, and no one was allowed to say that, not even him. Conclusively, she was not Steven. Why would it have been him, anyway, it was his wedding day.

"Hey, apparently, there's a wedding going on today." Cheryl smiled sympathetically as she closed the door behind her.

Brendan turned back around and headed the rest of the way up the stairs. He could hear his sister's shoes against the hardwood floor, the noise turning into softer muffles when she followed him on the upper floor of the house where they had carpet. He didn't respond to her presence even as she sat on the bed in Declan's room and watched him pack away the books on the shelf. Shockingly, she managed to stay quiet for a sufficient amount of time before she started calling his name and demanding his attention, asking him if he had heard what she said.

"Yeah, I heard mention of it a time or two." Brendan finally gave in and acknowledged her. He didn't turn to look at her, though, opting to give his full attention to packing as efficiently as possible.

There was another roar of thunder outside which had Cheryl on her feet and peeking out the window, "Ste wanted the dome open, let's hope this weather holds up."

Brendan put the rest of the books in the box, then walked over to where Cheryl was still looking at the sky with a small frown on her face. It wasn't looking good, the clouds were dark and heavy, and if Steven didn't want to get married in an indoor swimming pool, he'd have to have the windows up. A childish part of Brendan was maybe, a tiny bit happy about that, and his feelings might have escaped through a snort which made his sister roll her eyes at him.

"It looks like a big one." Brendan said as he went back to his packing.

Behind him, Cheryl sighed and unplugged the lamp on the bedside table before wrapping the cord around the body. "You know, Bren, you're my only brother and I love you," she started as she placed the lamp in an empty box. "But sometimes you're too much like Daddy."

That had Brendan stopping whatever he was doing to look up at his sister, his expression pinched in rising anger. "Excuse me?"

"I don't mean abusively homophobic." Cheryl clarified before Brendan's wrath could take over. "I mean disgustingly stubborn."

Brendan shook his head and turned around back to the shelves to clear out the other bits and pieces, "he's made his decision, Chez."

Cheryl didn't say anything to that straight away. She made her way to stand next to her brother and cupped his face in her hands, making sure he looked at her when she spoke to him. "For someone whose been holding on to something so hard, you're pretty quick to let go."

Brendan stepped back from Cheryl's touch forcing his sister to drop her arms. He dragged his hands down his face and kept it buried there as he blindly sat down on the bed. His voice was muffled as he spoke into his palms, "I can't control him anymore than I can control the weather." When Brendan lifted his head up enough so that he could see his sister from just above his fingers, she opened her mouth to reply, but closed it when she realised that really there was nothing to say. It was Steven's choice. "Don't you have a wedding to be getting to?"

Cheryl smiled at him and slowly nodded, before she turned to leave.

xxx

Leah was spinning around in her dress in front of the mirror in one of the dressing rooms in Drayton Hall, watching the material rise and fall with her movements. She didn't want to admit it, but she was a little in love with the powder yellow gown, she even had a matching flower crown to go with it. She had insisted on having one, and Ste would have probably agreed to anything to make her enthusiastic about the upcoming event, but the girl had prepared an entire presentation, scrolling through endless pictures of girls and even male celebs that she liked wearing them, commenting on why they were so cool. Ste thought they were a little hipster, but what did he know about pop culture in comparison to a twelve year old.

So with fresh flowers in her hair and a dress she was in love with, Ste thought that maybe she'd be a little more excited about showing it off in front of everyone when she walked down the aisle in the ceremony. Nope, first she was angry that Rose didn't get to have roses in her hair. It wasn't Ste's fault, Amy was the one who ordered the flower crowns, so if they were wrong, it was her fault more than his. Leah didn't seem to care, though, and had a full blown argument with slamming doors 'n' all about how everything was going to look ugly now. Ste didn't see the problem, he thought Gerberas and Carnations were pretty, but Leah had insisted that Rose being the flower girl had to have roses in her hair. Leah was a fucking drama queen, at least her own crown was the correct one.

Second, she nonchalantly told Ste not to pull a Ross and call out his true love's name instead of the person's name who he was marrying. When he told her that he wasn't going to say Brendan's name, she pointed out that she never said anything about Brendan, just true love, if Ste thought of the older man when thinking of true love, maybe he should reconsider who he was marrying. Ste assured her that he loved Doug, but the girl had said that Ste loved their mother too, but it wasn't how he loved Brendan. Sometimes Ste wished that she hadn't taken after her mother so much, because Leah was a fucking smart arse who needed to keep her mouth shut.

After that, Ste had told her to go to the loo, so she wouldn't need it mid service or something, but Leah had insisted that she was fine, she didn't need to use the toilet. The brat had them turning around halfway to the venue, demanding that if she didn't relieve herself she'd pee in the backseat. The driver had looked a little horrified by that, and Lucas had started to scream that he was going to rip her head off if she got wee on him. Ste had told her that she could use the toilet once they got to the hall, but of course she couldn't sit on a toilet that had loads of other people's bums on it before her. Honestly, she was acting like a little madam, and Ste wanted to open the car and leave her in the middle of the woods, see how she peed then.

So yeah, Leah was being a headache, but not as much as Lucas, who had been playing the irritating card since the moment he woke up. He never once told Ste that he didn't want his father to get married, no Amy had a talk with him about that, what he did was question everything his little, blue eyes caught a glimpse of. Why was his suit grey? Why didn't he have a three piece this time? Why were his shoes so shiny? Why was his hair not sitting right? Why did his tie match his dad's and Doug's, he wasn't marrying anybody. Why was the sky blue? Why was Ash still ten years old, and how comes his parents never cared what he got up to? How can you tell when sour cream goes bad? So. Many. Questions.

Ste had ended up shouting at him, and then the kid ran to his room to sulk in there. Ste had tried to apologise, but as soon as he cracked the door open, Lucas had screamed that if it was his dad, he didn't want to see his stupid face. Ste made a mental note to remind him later that anger was not an excuse for name calling, but right now, he just really needed his ring bearer in a good mood, so that he wouldn't drop the rings down some hole. That was why he and his stupid face had left Lucas to calm down, then sent Amy in to do some damage control.

Lucas was still not talking to him, but they had come to a mutual agreement to not argue either. "Lucas, do you have the rings?"

Ste's son reached into his pocket, pulling out a red velvet box and opened it up to reveal the wedding rings inside. He twisted the box around a couple of times and watched the light bounce off it and onto the wall. He entertained himself like that for a few minutes, until Ste told him that that was enough and to put them away. Lucas gave his father a grumpy look at that, but obliged.

"How's my favourite son doing?" Ste's own father came in with a smile on his face.

"I'm your only son, dad."

Danny made a _pfft _sound and stepped further into the room, removing Ste's hands from where he was trying to manoeuvre his tie to cooperate. He fixed it for him and straightened out his collar before smoothing down his shirt, and all the while, he jabbered on about some man looking for Ste about something urgent, but wouldn't say what. When Danny must have decided that Ste's appearance was acceptable he looked up at his son with a grin, expecting to see a replicate expression on Ste's face. Except, Ste wasn't quite in the mood to smile, and when Danny noticed that, his face fell too. He looked over Ste's shoulder and asked Amy, who was fixing her bun, if she could take the kids out and for a few seconds. She tugged at her hair a few more times to make sure it stayed still before obliging.

"It's just nerves," Danny said when they were alone.

Maybe, but it was also that this day was feeling like a disaster. Not only were his kids playing up, and the fact that he had to close the roof to the venue he paid out of his arse for because it was heavily raining, but everything in his body was screaming that this was a bad idea.

"He makes you happy, you're doing the right thing." Danny continued when Ste couldn't get himself to say anything.

"Am I?" Ste finally asked, because he needed someone to tell him.

"You know, Sam and I, when we got married, I nearly ran off –"

"Because you're bi and wanted to play the field?" Ste interrupted and asked jokingly.

"No," Ste's dad laughed. "Because she's too good for me. I thought she'd be the one to end up realising that she didn't want this and I'd be left at the altar. Run, before you're left behind and all that."

"But you didn't run."

"Nope, because I had to take the chance." Danny smiled. He moved to go sit on the seat Lucas had occupied before and chuckled when he continued, "we argue so much, my hair went grey before I hit my thirties."

Ste smiled at the fond expression on his father's face, "but you still love her, right?"

"I do, and for some crazy reason, she loves me too. It's not the smoothest relationships that are the most perfect, Ste, but the ones that survive the bumps in the road, because they prove to be the strongest."

Damn. "Dad, I think I –"

"And you already survived the first bump with Dougy boy, gotta keeper, there. You'll have plenty more if his parents remain a significant part of your lives, but he adores you."

Danny stood up again and started to re-pin Ste's flower on his suit jacket, smiling wildly as he did, convinced that his son was finally going to have a happy marriage. Ste swallowed back the tears and smiled back at his father, "he does, doesn't he?"

Amy came in soon after that with the kids and told him it was time. She smiled at him encouragingly as she waited by the door for Ste to make a move. His father squeezed his shoulder before he gently nudged it and Ste finally headed out. It was just nerves. He loved Doug, Doug loved him. He lived six years without Brendan, and all that he was feeling were memories, they weren't real, what was real was the man waiting at the end of the aisle for him.

Ste's sisters and Leah walked down the aisle first, Leela's arm linked with Tony's, whilst Tegan and Perrie walked down with Doug's brother and friend respectively, and Leah walked with Doug's nephew. After that, Lucas made his entrance, his face as moody as ever, followed by Rose and her flower petals. She scattered too much too quickly and half way, she turned around and looked at Ste apologetically before her bottom lip started to wobble in distress. Ste tried to tell her she did her job perfectly, but the kid's tears started streaming before he even got a foot towards her. Doug came to the rescue, though, he walked up to her and plucked out the flower from his suit and handed it over, then walked with her to the front as she dropped petal by petal, this time trying to savour what she had.

Then it was Ste's turn.

Amy took one side, and his father the other as he walked towards his future. There were too many smiling faces looking at him, all thinking that this was the best day of his life. All except Cheryl and Mitzeee, who smiled at him with a sad expressions. Cheryl offered him a thumbs up, but it lacked any of her usual zest. He couldn't look at them for too long, not when they both knew that Brendan was on his mind. He smiled the rest of the way to the front, even managing to ignore Doug's parents' sour faces. And then before he knew it, Amy and his father were leaving his side and he was left standing beside Doug. He gulped down the rest of his nerves and smiled at his husband to be.

The wedding officiator was starting the ceremony, going on about dearly beloved etcetera, etcetera, when a voice shouted his name, well his surname, "MR HAY, MR HAY!"

The door banged open, and there stood his lawyer, panting and red in the face, trying to say something about how he'd called Ste, but it kept going to voicemail. Well, yeah, he was getting married, he left his phone in the house and the battery must have died. He wasn't exactly caring about the thing in a day like this.

"Thomas?" Ste could clearly see who it was, but the name still came out like a question.

"You are one hard man to get a hold of," the lawyer said through hard breaths.

"Thomas, what are you doing here?" Ste asked, as he stepped down from the slightly raised platform he was standing on, and approached the man.

"Well, because technically you can't get married."

"What?" Ste frowned. "Thomas, he signed the papers."

Thomas bit his lips anxiously and twisted his head this way and that as he observed the mammoth amount of guests in the room. He crept in closer to Ste, hoping his words would remain private. Unfortunately, everyone was deathly quiet, and his voice rang through the room when he revealed, "he did, you didn't."


	12. Nothing But The Whole Heart

A/N: Thank you everyone for reading and reviewing this, it's what keeps this fic alive. It's that sad time again when i announce that this is the penultimate chp. Hope y'all have been enjoying it this far, and continue to do so for the remainder.

:)

* * *

**Chapter 12**

There was a collective gasp that spread a across the room, and Ste was semi positive that his son, who had managed to push his way to the front, fist punched the air. At least he was trying to be discreet about it, which was a little bit of progress on the boy's part. Ste pushed his son back and stepped closer to his solicitor, shaking his head in confusion.

"What?" Ste narrowed his eyes, as he observed the haggard man with a dubious expression.

Thomas brought out the papers to show Ste and flipped to the first page Ste was supposed to have signed, and there it was. The blank line. Brendan's signature was present, perfectly intricate with its curls and flicks, and so very, very there. Ste knew that Brendan had signed the papers, but seeing it again made something tug painfully in his stomach. But that didn't matter because Ste hadn't signed the papers. Holy shit.

Ste looked back up to Thomas with wide, shocked eyes, "you mean I'm still married?"

There were murmurs around him at that, and when Ste turned around to look at everyone else, he caught a glimpse of Cheryl trying to supress a relieved smile, whilst Mitzeee, well she didn't try to hide anything.

"Only if you want to be," Thomas said as he pushed the papers into Ste's hand.

Ste opened his mouth to speak, but before any sound could come out, Doug sighed loudly behind him. "Ste, I thought this was all sorted."

"It's an honest mistake, Doug, I thought I had sorted it out."

Connie rolled her eyes dramatically from where she stood beside Doug, exasperation clear on her face. Herb, Doug's dad, was a little more vocal about his feelings, shouting about how Ste hadn't told them that he was previously married, or that he had been married the whole time he was with Doug. He didn't really pay him any attention, but Doug was telling his dad to be quiet, that it wasn't any of Herb's or Connie's business. He didn't mention how it was his business and Ste had neglected to mention it up until he was forced to confess. Ste still didn't know if he would have told Doug anything about Brendan if he hadn't turned up in Hollyoaks.

"Fine," Herb threw his hands up in the air in a frustrated attempt to show that he surrendered from the argument he and his son had started. "Can we fix this mistake anytime soon?"

Ste was about to tell Herb to fuck right off, because Brendan was not a mistake. Ste might have regretted getting married to the older man for the past six years, but if he had a chance for a do over, he would've still married him all over again. He would make the same decisions again and again, because being stupid and completely in love with Brendan had been the happiest he ever was. It hurt the most, he cried the most, but he also felt the most.

But Brendan wasn't here. Ste asked him to let go, and he did.

"Does anyone have a pen?" Ste asked, ignoring the way his voice broke on the last word.

There was movement around the room as people started checking their purses and pockets for something Ste could use to sign the papers with, but no one seemed to possess anything. No one except the person who shoved a silver pen under his nose with perfectly manicured fingers wrapped around it. Ste looked up to see Cheryl looking at him expectantly, her eyes shimmering with the hope that Ste wouldn't take the thing form her.

"These things don't just happen, y'know, Ste." Cheryl whispered to him as she shoved the pen into Ste's hand.

"I can't." Ste said with a voice so low it could have been his imagination.

He turned around to be faced with his kids on either side of Amy, Leah and Lucas looking at the pen in his hand like it was a grenade, an object that was about to blow their lives apart. Amy smiled at him comfortingly, before she gently pushed the kids behind her and approached him.

"You do what you gotta do, we're not going anywhere." Amy promised as she turned him around to face Thomas again. The lawyer was getting more and more agitated, the longer Ste spent trying to make up his mind.

Ste put the pen to paper and looked up once again around the room, where Doug was getting impatient and his kids clung to their mother. He had to do this. He and Brendan tried, they did, and it didn't work. Doug loved him, he always tried his best to make Ste happy. He was honest, and safe and he didn't deserve any of this. He didn't deserve having his wedding day interrupted because Ste's subconscious wasn't letting him get a divorce. It wasn't just Ste in this relationship for him to do whatever he wanted and expect no one else to be hurt.

Ste focussed on what he was supposed to be doing and pressed the pen further into the paper, until it dug through, but he couldn't get his hand to move. Doug was softly saying his name, asking if everything was okay, but instead of where Ste should have signed his name, a tear fell down his face and splattered across the still blank line. Doug didn't deserve this. He didn't deserve to have to be married to a man who loved someone else.

"You don't wanna marry me, Doug," Ste sniffed as he turned to look at his fiancé properly, turning his back to the papers.

Doug smiled sadly in understanding; he knew what was happening. "I don't?"

"No," Ste shook his head and walked closer to Doug. "No, you don't, not really."

Doug laughed mirthlessly and took a step back the closer Ste got to him and gasped, "oh my god."

Ste closed his eyes, before opening them up with a new sense of determination. "You see the truth is, I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart." There were fresh tears falling down Ste's face, but he wasn't the only one anymore. Doug's eyes shimmered as he looked away to a spot behind Ste, so he wouldn't have to look at the man who was breaking his heart. Ste hated to do it, but he needed to say it, so he continued. "And I never really got it back, not all of it." Ste didn't care that Doug couldn't look at him, he took the few more steps required to close the distance between them and moved Doug's gaze to him. "I'm so sorry, Doug. I'm so fucking sorry, I can't marry you." People were making sounds again, but Mitzeee was probably the most audible with her_ I fucking knew it. _Ste wasn't listening though, he needed to get through to Doug, "and you shouldn't want to marry me."

Doug finally shifted his eyes till he was actually focusing on Ste. He bit his bottom lips gently and shook his head as a feather soft, "wow" escaped his mouth. His smile was so delicate that Ste was scared a stiff wind would make him crumble to the ground. The American took a step back and wiped his faces, "well this sucks."

"WHAT?!" Connie shouted, drawing everyone's attention to her. Her normally perfectly placed curls were in disarray and her face was scrunched up into a mess of fury. Ladies and gentlemen, the female incredible hulk. She stormed up to her son with her shoes loud against the marble floors, echoing her wrath. "'This sucks,' that's it? You're just going to let him make a fool out of you on your wedding day, in front of all of your friends and family with some bullshit about an old husband?"

Doug tilted his head to a side as he watched his mother's rant. He didn't say anything to her, but slowly turned around to look at Ste, who had a pleading expression on his face. Ste knew he wasn't going to get married to Doug anymore, but he cared about the other man, and he wanted him to understand.

"Yeah," Doug said, surprising even Ste. The American nodded his head and reiterated, "Yeah. I think I am." He leaned forward and kissed Ste on the forehead before he asked to be dismissed and walked passed Ste and the rest of the crowd, who separated like the red sea for him. Ste wanted to stop him, to explain further or at least make sure he was going to be okay, but when he made a move to follow the man, a hand gripped his elbow and pulled him back.

Connie was all in Ste's face, her features mutilated to make her once classy beauty look like something nightmares were made of. "I have never met anyone so deceitful, so manipulative, and believe me, I've met a lot of people."

"I'm just trying to be honest, this would've been worse in the long run. It would've hurt Doug more." Ste tried in an attempt to calm his ex-potential mother in law. Talk about dodging a bullet, or claw in this case if the sting in his arm was anything to go by.

"I will not allow my son to be dumped at the altar by some illiterate chav, so you go after him, you little shit."

Ste may have internally laughed at the irony that he was going to do exactly that – albeit not to win him back - before she stopped him. But before he could say anything to this witch, Amy had pushed her way between Ste and the monster in law, unclamping Connie's fingernails from his arm.

"Wait just a moment," Amy pointed at Connie, her bitch face on. "Ste is dyslexic, not fucking illiterate. You're the stupid one if you don't know the difference. And you're a horrible parent if you're trying to force a man who is in love with someone else to marry your son, you're just asking for Doug to be in a clusterfuck of pain in the future. Now Ste's said his piece, so back the fuck off."

Amy may or may not have prodded her wagging finger into Connie's chest, forcing the other woman to look scandalised.

"Oh, you think I'm going to take parenting advice from a woman who had two kids before she was eighteen with a gay man. Go back to your council home and wait for the next child benefit cheque."

What the actual f –.

Any attempt Ste may have made to give Connie a piece of his mind was interrupted by the resounding sound of a slap across Connie's face, so hard that the older woman fell to the floor. Ste's mouth was agape as Amy shook her hand that had turned a stark red from the impact, her expression still pissed the hell off. From the corner of his eyes, Ste could see Leela and Perrie trying to discreetly high five, whilst Tegan buried her smile in Sam's shoulder.

"No one talks to me like that!" Amy screamed at the older woman who was being helped up by her husband. "And no one tries to degrade Ste or the family we've built together."

Ste's dad started laughing as he dragged Amy away and wrapped his arm around her shoulder in a way that illustrated how proud he was of her ability to bitch slap. Cheryl and Mitzeee joined in and then before Ste knew it, his entire wedding party was congratulating Amy – who looked like she was made of milk and daffodils and honey and all things amazing – on her ability to show who was boss. She smiled at the comments, but when she turned to look at Leah and Lucas, who were watching her in awe, she made a stern face and told them in no uncertain tone that violence was not the answer, and if they got into a fight, they'd be grounded till eighteen. The beautiful parental rule of do as I say, not as I do.

Herb had dragged Connie out at some point, and when the thunder cracked outside, Ste realised that he was supposed to have gone and made sure Doug was okay. He kissed Amy on the cheek and turned to run to where Doug's dressing room had been. The door was locked when he turned the handle, but it meant that Doug was definitely in there.

"Doug?" Ste called, when no one answered to the knock.

"Ste?" The American unlocked the door and opened it the smallest amount to see if it really was the man who just admitted to loving someone else on their wedding day. "Sorry, I thought it was my parents, what are you doing here?"

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Ste answered as Doug opened the door wider to let him in.

"I thought you would have been looking for Brendan," Doug turned his back to Ste and started rummaging through a bag, probably to avoid looking at him.

"I don't really know if he wants to be with me, anymore. I've been really horrible to him for a very long time."

Doug turned around to face him again and rubbed his left eye, before he dragged his whole hand down his face. "Ste, I may be okay with you dumping me at the altar, but I'm not going to give you advice on the very reason you dumped me in the first place."

"I wasn't –" Ste started, but there were more pressing matters at hand. "Why are so okay with it?"

Doug sighed and sat down on one of the sofa chairs available, and glanced up at Ste with a miserable look on his face. He may understand why Ste was leaving him, but he wasn't okay. "I think with him is where you need to be. I always knew that I didn't have you, not completely, and it's because you have a Brendan shaped hole inside of you, that I will never be able to fit into. I wanted to think that I could make you happy even if I couldn't make you whole, but you left your happiness behind a long time ago, and all I did was make you forget that. That distance between us that's been there from day one; I know now, I know that it's him, he's always with you, he's always in your head."

Ste made his way to stand in front of Doug and fell to his knees as he took the other man's hand in his own. "I did love you."

"I know. But it's him that you'll love forever. Everyone else will never compare. I don't want to live without you, Ste, but I want to be second best even less. You'll never be able to let him go, and you shouldn't have to. Not because of me."

Doug wasn't even trying to hold back his tears anymore, so Ste allowed himself to swipe the American's cheek with his thumb. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you."

Doug nodded, hiccupping slightly from his futile attempt to keep his sobs in, "I only ever wanted to make you happy, and if letting you go does that, then go." Doug unclasped his hands from Ste's and wiped at his face, his bright blue eyes raw with pain. "Ste, go."

Ste pulled Doug's hand back and kissed the knuckles before he did exactly that.

He loosened the tie around his neck and dumped it somewhere, before he managed to get outside where it was, yep, full on raining. He didn't really care though, he needed to find his car as soon as possible, but after about five minutes of hunting, he realised that he didn't actually have his car, they had hired a fancy one to drive them to the hall. He ran back into the venue where the people were still gossiping, and all of them fell silent as Ste stepped in. He ignored them, making a beeline for his father to ask for his car keys, but before he left again, he addressed the room who were all still gawping at him.

"If you're from my side, stick around. I'm gonna go find me a groom." He turned on his heels and left as his friends and family cheered him.

He found his father's car pretty fast, but the rain was making it almost impossible for him to drive speedily if he wanted to live long enough to actually reconcile with Brendan. His dad's place was the closest to Drayton Hall, so he parked the car and left it there. He was bound to be quicker on foot. This was probably the first time Ste was thankful that the village was small enough that he could walk it to most of the surrounding places. Except, he didn't technically walk, he ran so fast he slipped a few times thanks to the rain making the pavements slippery.

He got to Brendan's house in record time, even with what could only be described as a fucking hurricane, but after knocking incessantly, there was still no reply. He called Brendan's name a few times, but the older man was either not home, or he just flat out refused to let Ste in. He was still thumping the door when the neighbour came out with a scowl on his face. It wasn't the same neighbour from when Ste used to live here, because that family had been completely used to Ste and Brendan's drama and dramatic gestures. This guy just told Ste with an annoyed tone that Brendan wasn't home.

Ste thanked the neighbour even though the man had already turned around and stepped back into his house. Ste didn't stick around for long though, he fought against the rain as he made his way to the club. He was ready to have some serious damage done to his face when he attempted to climb the steel stairs that he would fall down on when he tried to climb it, but the concern was unnecessary. Brendan was outside checking on the barrels, his back to Ste. He was completely soaked in dark grey slacks and a white shirt that had its sleeves rolled up to his elbows, and the material clinging to his skin.

"Hey mister," Ste called, making Brendan's back stiffen. He slowly turned his head around and squinted as he tried to look at Ste through the tirade of rain. "You owe me a dance."

Brendan raised an eyebrows before shifting his body so he was completely facing Ste, a smirk playing on his lips. "Nice suit, where's your husband?"

Ste took a deep breath and pushed the hair that was matted to his forehead away from his face, "I'm looking at him."

Brendan dropped his smirk, and a frown of confusion replaced it.

"Apparently, you and I are still hitched." Ste clarified when Brendan still wasn't getting a clue.

"Is that right?" The older man asked as he leaned back against the barrels and folded his arms across his chest.

"Yeah, that's right."


	13. The Rest Of Forever

Final chp, guys. I made it a long one to show my appreciation for all your support for this fic. Gonna miss writing this much more fluffy story, but hey, who knows, i might be back with another fic. In the mean time, i hope you've enjoyed this and that I've concluded this story to your satisfaction.

_Warnings: NSFW_

Enjoy ;)

* * *

**Chapter 13**

"You lied to me, Brendan."

The rain was slowing down a bit, but it was still heavy enough that Ste had to raise his voice to be heard over it. Under normal circumstances, he would have laughed at the pathetic fallacy; raining on the day of his unwanted wedding, only to calm the slightest amount when he was faced with the guy that he really wanted to be with. But it wasn't normal circumstances, it felt like a life and death one, and Ste just wanted the rain to stop, so that he could actually look at his husband without having to blink from the sting of rain water in his eyes every five seconds. Stuff like this was way more romantic in the movies.

"About what exactly?" Brendan asked, still leaning against the barrels like he was so over the fact that he was still married to the man he promised was it for him. He was always good at acting like things didn't affect him as much as they did; growing a thick skin was just a part of growing up for the older man.

"You made me believe that you didn't want to fight for us anymore. You made me believe that you loved your frigging drug empire more than you loved me." Ste said loudly as he took a step towards Brendan, only to stop when the other man stood up straight, as if on guard.

"Drug Empire? You been marathonning Breaking Bad?" Brendan tried to joke, but the smirk on his faltered before collapsing all together. "I never lied to you about anything, Steven. That was just you being presumptuous as usual."

Ste nodded, he was perfectly aware that he always assumed the worse when it came to Brendan. Most of the time he was right, and if he wasn't, then he was pleasantly surprised. To hope for the best with Brendan was asking to be disappointed, and that was one thing he didn't want to be. He didn't want to have Brendan see that face on him that he saw everyday on his father, the look that said Brendan was everything they wished he wasn't. Ste just didn't realise that underestimating Brendan's affection and loyalty hurt the older man, just as much as disappointing Ste would have.

"Why didn't you tell me you came to London? I spent years knowing you knew where I was, but thinking you never came for me."

Six years ago, Ste had told Brendan that he found a job in London that he was going to take. Told him that the restaurant had small studio flats above it, and he was renting one. It was cheaper if you actually worked at the restaurant, so he could afford the expenses of living in London, as well as pay his dues to his kids and Amy to make sure they were okay. Ste had made sure Brendan knew exactly where he was and that he was going to be okay, he wasn't going to die in a hovel or something. At the time he had convinced himself he told Brendan all that, so the older man wouldn't be worried about him, whilst he was still recovering from everything with Walker. Except, Ste had spent a long time whilst he was in his tiny flat, watching the door till he fell asleep, hoping that Brendan would come storming through and demanding that Ste give him another chance. They would have fought, they would have screamed till their throats protested in pain. Brendan would have made a load of promises and Ste would have listened, whether or not Brendan could have kept his word.

"Would it have made a difference?" Brendan asked, rain falling down his face, suspiciously looking like tears.

"Yes." Ste responded without missing a beat. "I always come back to you, you're my home."

Brendan breathed in a haggard breath and dropped his head, so that his chin rested against his chest. "I needed to make sure you came back to a home that wasn't volatile and on the verge of collapsing at any moment." Brendan looked up to meet Ste's eyes, his own red rimmed. "I needed to be someone who deserved you."

Ste dragged a hand down his face and wiped away the wetness caused by rain and tears, only to get soaked all over again. He took another step closer to Brendan and smiled, "you about done?"

Brendan looked at him for a moment, his eyelids stealthy enough to go unblinked, until he started laughing and shaking his head as he made his way to climb up the stairs leading to the club. "What is it with you English folk, you can't make the right decisions, so you try all the wrong ones, instead."

He was talking about Doug. He was probably right too. Ste should have never agreed to marry the American when he clearly didn't love him like he knew he should have. Not wanting to tell him about his past was the first clue, how could Doug have loved him completely if he didn't even know who Ste was, and what made him the way he was? Leaving his kids was another bad decision, on Ste's part. He saw what that kind of distance did to Brendan's relationship with Declan and Padraig. The distance between Ste and his kids was inevitable if that example was anything to go by. So yeah, Ste had made a lot of bad decisions in his time.

"At least, I'm fighting for what I want now." Ste took a step on to the first stair, halting Brendan, who was already half way up.

"And what do you want, Steven? I don't think you really know. Two hours ago you were getting married to another man, and now you're here."

Ste walked up the few steps it took to meet the older man halfway, "you were the first person I fell in love with, and no matter how much I fool myself, you'll be the only person." Ste leaned forward until his head was resting against the older man's, and he could practically count the raindrops balancing on Brendan's lashes. "Not even death can do us part."

Brendan closed his eyes, and Ste watched as several tiny little drops of rain slid down and fell off the tips. "Maybe you and I have had our chance. You may not love anyone else like you love me, but that might just be a good thing. We were never what you could call healthy."

Brendan gently backed away from Ste's touch and walked up the stairs backwards, facing the man he was stabbing in the heart. Every step that Brendan took, forcing more and more distance to grow between them, the harder Ste's pulse hammered in his throat till he thought he was about to choke on it and bleed out through his mouth. If Brendan didn't believe his words, Ste would write it on stone with his blood.

"Fine, have it your way, you stubborn bastard." Ste shouted as loud as he could.

Brendan stopped moving when he got to the top of the stairs and raised an eyebrow, which was way more intimidating than all the screaming Ste could do. He stayed like that as he asked, "Why do you wanna be married to me, anyway?"

Ste carefully trudged up the rest of the stairs, aware that the steps were slippery and his legs were weak. He waited until he was in front of Brendan, before he reiterated those words that the older man had said to him eight years ago. "I mean it, Brendan, you're it for me. No more mistakes."

He didn't give Brendan a chance to reply to that, instead, he thread his fingers through his husband's dark locks and pulled him in until their lips locked together. Brendan hesitated for a microsecond before he slipped Ste's bottom lip in-between his and tentatively put a hand to Ste's waist. The rain wasn't so bad anymore, not when it caused a slick coating over the mouths, forcing them to open up and deepen the kiss, if they were to stay latched on. Ste slid his tongue into Brendan's hot mouth, and felt the physical sensation of a shiver run down his spine when it touched Brendan's. It was always like this with them, the smallest of embraces made all their nerves stand to attention, all their hairs stand on end. Well, all their hair would have stood on end, if the rain hadn't painted it onto their flesh.

The electric touch between their tongues was all it took for Brendan's hand on his waist to slide across and past the small of his back, until his entire arm was wrapped around Ste. He pulled Ste closer to his chest, their shirts so infused with rain that they could barely feel the friction of the fabric, other than the slip and slide it caused between them. With his other hand, Brendan tugged at the hair at the nape of Stes neck, in a way that seemed like he wanted to pull Ste away, but actually was an attempt to hold onto it so hard that Ste had no way of escaping, not that he wanted to. It was a desperate hold, not like how it was in the office, but like Brendan was holding on with tight fingers, in case this was all a figment of his imagination and Ste would be washed away with the storm.

Brendan bit Ste's bottom lip, perhaps in an attempt to reassure himself that this wasn't a dream, that Ste was made of solid entity that he could grab on to and taste and devour. He licked the assaulted skin before he dove his tongue back into Ste's mouth and explored it with a frantic thoroughness, reacquainting himself with every corner, every tooth, rehashing every tactic he knew that would make Ste want to melt into a puddle.

Ste moaned into the heat of Brendan's mouth, and wrapped his arms around the older man's neck, so that it fit in the crook of his elbows. He pulled Brendan in closer, even though they were plastered against each other, but they had been apart for so long that nothing felt close enough, not until they were one.

Brendan slowly backed away, so they could breathe a little. He pecked Ste on the lips once, twice, three times, before he stopped altogether. "Are you sure?"

"Like never before." Ste promised breathlessly before slamming his lips back against Brendan's in a carnal kiss, forcing a filthy grunt to ignite from the older man. That was all it took for Ste's body to heat up, despite the downpour, and for him to scrape his blunt nails across Brendan's scalp in a silent plea to go further.

Brendan got it straight away, he turned Ste around and pushed him back until he hit the outside wall of the club, and then shoved a knee in-between Ste's legs to open them up. Ste took that as his cue to hook one leg over Brendan's waist, so that the older man could wrap his hands around Ste's thighs and lift him up until his legs were completely wrapped around Brendan, their groins rubbing against one another. If Ste was in his right mind, he probably would have been relieved that most of the village was at his wedding reception, getting drunk there, rather than traipsing around the place where they could see them. But at that moment, he couldn't give a fuck about anyone catching them, not with the way Brendan pushed out his pelvis and ground against him.

Ste gasped at the friction, which meant that his mouth slipped away from Brendan's, but the older man just kissed a path down his jaws and neck, and licked at the hollow of his neck, where the rain had collected into a miniscule puddle. He placed a hot, open mouth kiss over Ste's Adam's apple, groaning at the vibration when Ste made some incomprehensible sound at that. He kissed Ste's chin and licked away the water there before he captured Ste's lips with his again, while he pulled at the bottom of Ste's shirt and untucked it from his pants. He slipped both his hands inside, grasping the flesh there, and moved Ste to an angle in which Brendan's erection slotted into the curve of his own, like the final piece of a puzzle.

Their breaths were ragged and Ste, at some point, had ripped the top buttons of Brendan's shirt to slip his hand inside, so he could dig his nails into the skin of Brendan's shoulder. Brendan didn't seem like he had even noticed the damage to his clothes, instead, he ground further into Ste until kissing became an impossibility and their breaths became louder than the slamming of the rain against the steel floor of the club balcony, where there was some serious frottage going on.

Ste wanted more, and it seemed like Brendan was completely up for that when Ste's hands slithered down Brendan's chest and started to work on his buckle. As great as this was, Ste really didn't want them to come in their pants, the rain had made it uncomfortable enough. But when Brendan attempted to get Ste's pants open with his head on Ste's shoulder, the door to the club decided to open. A shriek had Brendan's head snapping up so fast, it knocked into Ste's chin, which made him bite his tongue and his head hit the bricked wall behind.

Well, it seemed like that went to hell pretty fast. Funnily enough, his boner was still intact, what with Brendan still coated against him. Brendan's boner, not so much, because that had been Declan who just screamed like he was a five year old girl.

"Oh my god, Da," Declan screeched, before he slammed the door shut again, so that he didn't have to look at his father getting hot and heavy, anymore.

"Jesus Christ, Deccy," Brendan gritted his teeth as he spoke.

Ste put his legs back on the ground, and beneath his foot the flower from his jacket that had skittered to the ground at some point, crushed beneath his shoe. Brendan backed away to redo his pants and tried not to look as debauched as he did. It was an impossible task, and if Ste's tongue and head didn't hurt so much, he would've laughed at him.

"I didn't know Deccy was here." Ste said, trying to fix his own appearance and not grimace at the swollen tip of his tongue.

"Yeah, Paddy too. They arrived about an hour before you did. Something about wanting to cheer me up on this horrifying day." Brendan shrugged as he looked Ste over and smirked. It appeared like Ste looked no less scandalous than Brendan.

Ste rolled his eyes at Brendan's comment and pushed his way past the older man, his erection finally calming down as he pulled open the door and stepped into the club, Brendan following behind. Declan was cradling his head on the sofa and Padraig was just laughing his head off, after Declan had obviously told him what had just happened.

"Hey Deccy, Paddy, you guys gonna give an old friend a hug?" Ste asked, beaming at them with his arms open wide in invite.

Padraig was about to do just that, but before he could leap over to where Ste was, Declan grabbed a fistful of his t-shirt and sat him back down. "You really don't want to be hugging him yet, Paddy. Da was like a second layer of skin on him."

Brendan mumbled a "shut up," whilst Padraig fell into another fit of laughter and Declan looked like he wanted to gauge his eyeballs out.

"Da, please tell me you weren't just having sex with someone else's husband. I know the two of you have a weird addiction to one another, but Ste literally just got married today." Declan pleaded as he followed his dad into the office. Brendan's logic was not to deny that Ste had gotten married to Doug, but to annoy his son further by simply stating that they hadn't been having sex, because Declan decided that would be the perfect time to let his presence be known.

The two of them came out of the office, with the blonde Brady moaning about how he was going to have to retract the World's Best Dad mug that he had gotten Brendan. It didn't seem like that much of a threat, but Brendan locked his office, then turned to look at his eldest son, like the lad had just ripped his heart out. Declan, for his part, just rolled his eyes and stomped back to where he had been sitting next to his brother.

"I didn't get married," Ste finally revealed, when it was clear that Brendan rather enjoyed the look of outrage on his son's face. Declan, and Paddy too, turned to look at Ste with expressions of confusion, and despite the fact that Declan was blonde, he had never looked more like his father than he did then. Padraig was practically a replica of his Brendan. "I couldn't go through with it, not when I was still in love with your dad. Also, there was the little hiccup in regards to the fact that I didn't sign the divorce papers. I'm married to Brendan."

Brendan was standing next to Ste now, his arms around his shoulder in support, as both the boys gaped at him. He didn't know how they would take it. They got along really well when Ste had been around in the past, but they loved their father and Ste had abandoned them all. It wouldn't go as a surprise if bitterness had grown and infected where affection used to lie before. But just as Ste was about to launch into a whole monologue about how he knew that he would have to earn their trust and forgiveness, how he was so sorry to have left them all behind, Declan had practically flown across the room and thrown himself at Ste.

"Not so worried about the grossness of having your father all over me now, are you?" Ste joked, so that he wouldn't cry. Declan laughed at that and stood back so that Padraig could have his turn. When he was done too, Ste looked between them with sorrow in his eyes. "Guys, I'm so sorry, about it all, and –"

"You can apologise to us later, I think dad really just wants to get you home." Declan smiled, nodding his head towards his farther, who yes, had begun to fidget next to Ste.

Ste nodded and pulled them in for a group hug before he dug his father's car keys out of his pocket and handed them to Declan. "My dad's car is parked outside his house. If you can brave the storm with an umbrella, drive it to Drayton Hall, there's a party going on there."

Declan took the keys, his brother, and left the place with a small punch to his dad's shoulder, which Brendan nodded in return to. Ste didn't know what that meant, but he had his suspicions that Declan was saying _I told you so._ It seemed like Brendan and Ste's kids had more faith in their relationship than either of them had ever had.

Brendan didn't say anything after his sons left, rather, he seized Ste's hand and dragged him outside and locked the club up. Ste would have protested about falling down the stairs, but he didn't want to slow down the process. They got into Brendan's car, and Ste actually heard the tires screech against the asphalt when Brendan started it and drove towards the house in record time. The older man was of the vehicle and had Ste's side of the door flying open before he could even get his seatbelt off. They reached the front door, just as eyes started peering through curtains. Ste smiled at the neighbour, who had begrudgingly helped him out earlier in telling Ste that Brendan wasn't home. He managed to wave at the man, which earned him a scowl, when Brendan opened the door and they both fell in.

Ste would like to say that they sat down and sorted everything out, talked about where they went wrong, so that it wouldn't happen again. Talked about what Ste would do in regards to his job, he was probably going to finally open up his own place in Chester, but they didn't talk about it. They didn't talk about anything. Brendan shut the door behind them, and then had Ste's back against it, pulling at the suit jacket Ste had been wearing, until it lay on the ground by their feet. He didn't even bother to unlace the buttons through the button holes of Ste's shirt, opting to just pull the material apart until the buttons went flying. Ste would regret that later, because hello, that was Armani. But then again, Ste had ruined a lot of Brendan's clothes in the past, so meh.

Brendan's hand travelled down the length of Ste's torso, burning his fingerprint to every inch of skin he touched. He stopped kissing Ste and looked down at what he was doing, watched as goosebumps raised on Ste's skin, how his nipples hardened. Brendan brushed a finger over the puckered skin, and smirked at the way the small gesture made Ste's whole body quake. He drew the thumb down Ste's sternum at a leisurely pace, as if Ste didn't feel like combusting.

"Oh, for fuck's sake." Ste groaned and grabbed Brendan's hand to pull him towards the stairs, kicking off his shoes as he went and ignoring the way the house was half empty. Ste just hoped that Brendan hadn't found anyone to buy the place, and was just packing to be ahead in case an offer did come through.

They got to the middle of the stairs, when Brendan got impatient again and hauled Ste to a stop. He was standing on a step ahead of Brendan, so he was stood over the older man when they came to a halt. Ste wasn't that much shorter than Brendan, and inch, maybe two, but even that always made him feel like he was being enveloped by the older man. The fact that Ste was standing higher than Brendan this time, allowed him to reciprocate for the first time. He tilted Brendan's head back and kissed him deeper than he ever had, and Ste took pride in the fact that Brendan whimpered – in a manly way of course – at the way Ste's tongue fucked into his mouth.

Brendan clasped his hands onto Ste's and pushed him back until his back was against the wall, and his arms were stretched above his head. Brendan used one hand to hold both of Ste's wrists there, as he used the other hand to cup Ste through his pants, fingering the curves of his erection. Ste bit into his own bottom lip and closed his eyes in an effort to prevent himself from sounding like an animal, and coming before they even did anything.

"Open your eyes," Brendan said with a hoarse voice that left no other options available. Ste obliged, only to see Brendan look a complete mess. His hair was dishevelled, his lips red and swollen and his shirt falling apart. Ste didn't need a mirror to recognise that he probably looked worse, tache rash 'n' all.

Brendan let go of his wrists and finally got Ste's belt open, slipping it out of its loops until he could throw it down the stairs. He began to thread the button of Ste's slacks through the hole as Ste unbuttoned the rest of Brendan's shirt. He shrugged the fabric down Brendan's arms until it pooled around their feet, and the older man unzipped Ste's pants and slipped his hands into the confines, making him curse and drag his nails down Brendan's chest.

"You have to stop that," Ste breathed. "I'm not gonna last."

Brendan softly squeezed before he removed his hand and hooked a finger into the waistband of Ste's briefs, instead. He tugged at the material, pulling Ste behind him until they were in Brendan's bedroom. Their bedroom. It was still furnished the way Ste had left it years ago. The same, big cupboard, the same bed, the same pictures on the same bedside table. Ste swallowed down the force of nostalgia that hit him, and turned his attention back to the man who had, at some point, stripped down to his boxers.

"It's exactly the same," Ste mumbled when Brendan started to pull his pants down too.

"I wanted to change it, but every time I moved something, I couldn't relax till it was back where it was supposed to be."

Ste stepped out of his slacks and kicked them to a side before he placed a chaste kiss to the corner of Brendan's mouth. "Have you sold the place, already?"

Brendan shook his head and moved his face, so he could place a more full mouthed kiss onto Ste. He turned them around and backed Ste up, until the back of his legs hit the bed. "I started packing, hoping that if it looked less like our place, it'd be easier to sell."

"I don't want you to sell." Ste whispered with his lips against Brendan's, so that the heat of each word went directly into the older man.

Brendan didn't reply. He kissed Ste so hard, they both fell onto the bed. He leaned back for a moment, so that Ste could climb up, then followed him up. They stayed like that for a while, just kissing and gyrating until Ste felt violent in his frustration to do more. He spun them around, until he was straddling Brendan, and pushing down, rubbing against him. Their skins were no longer wet from the rain, but a layer of sweat had settled on them, and Ste shuffled down to lick the beads from Brendan's naval, all the way up to where his pulse thrummed in his throat. He placed open mouthed, wet kisses all the way back down, and nestled his nose in the course hair that escaped from Brendan's boxers.

Ste pulled the boxers down all the way and sniggered at how Brendan's dick bounced back onto his chin once it was freed. Brendan gave a short throaty laugh at that, but told Ste to shut up. He did, but not because the older man had told him to, but because Brendan was just as beautiful as he had always been. The older man used to continuously say that to Ste, shower him with peppered kisses all over and tell him that he was beautiful, that he wanted to taste every inch of Ste's skin, discover places that made him squirm, made him weak, and made him scream. But he never acknowledged the fact that he was stunning in his own way. Ste was petite, and he knew that he was pretty in the conventional twink way. But Brendan had muscles that rippled when he breathed, and he was pale in a way that Ste just wanted to draw his nails down the expanse of the skin and watch it redden and rise. His shoulders were broad and the v of his pelvis dipped so that Ste's mouth always watered in anticipation of what was at the bottom of that V. Ste could have stared and explored all over again, but Brendan raised his knee and nudged him in the back to get him moving again.

It was okay. He could rediscover Brendan later. They had the rest of forever.

Ste wrapped a hand around the length of Brendan, thriving off the way it pulsated in his grip. He bent down until he could lick the pre-come that was leaking out the tip and slotted his tongue into the slit, which had Brendan arching his back and had Ste feeling rather proud. He gave the reddened head a few more swipes before he closed his mouth over it and hollowed his cheeks, so he could create a suction. Brendan let out a string of blasphemous curses at that, but choked on his words when Ste lowered his head and more of Brendan's cock slid into his mouth. He made sure to keep the process as moist as possible, knowing how Brendan liked it when Ste's own saliva trickled out the corner of his mouth. He bobbed his head a few times, letting his tongue swirl around the shaft and head, but he didn't swallow the length down. That would have had Brendan coming, and Ste wanted the older man inside him.

He pulled away and crawled back up Brendan's body until he could kiss him, so the older man would be able to taste himself on Ste's tongue. "I want you to fuck me."

Brendan kissed him harder, sucking on his tongue before he pulled away and rummaged through the bedside table. Ste tried not to be hurt by the fact that Brendan had slept with other people during the time they were apart. It was irrational to expect Brendan to have been celibate for six years, and on top of that Ste had gotten prepared to marry someone else. But Ste _was_ irrational and it _did_ hurt.

"I never slept with anyone in here." Brendan said, drawing Ste's attention back to him. "I can't change what happened in those years you were in London, but you're the only person to have been in this bed, in this house. I just keep the stuff in here, because it's not exactly appropriate to leave it in the kids' rooms."

Ste nodded and took the condom and tube of lubricant from Brendan's hand, putting the lube to a side and opening the foil of the condom. He slid back down Brendan body and placed the rubber onto the head of Brendan's dick, but instead of rolling it down the rest of the way with his hand, Ste slipped his mouth over it and dragged his tongue down the length with the latex to secure it that way. It was a trick he learnt from the man himself, and when Ste looked up to meet Brendan's eyes, the older man obviously had remembered when he had taought Ste that. He pulled Ste back up over him and rolled them over, so he was on the bottom again, and slipped between Ste's legs before he crawled down between them.

Rimming was something that he hadn't been on the receiving end for a while, but he knew that it was how Brendan liked to prepare him. The older man practically ripped the briefs down Ste's legs before he placed a kiss to the tip of Ste's dick. He didn't put it into his mouth, they both knew that Ste wouldn't last. He kissed the area around Ste's groin, instead, in petal soft touches of his lips, then hooked Ste's legs over his shoulders, so he could travel his mouth further down. Brendan used both his hands to open Ste up, until he could see the pucker of his entrance.

He blew hot breath onto it and rubbed a calloused digit over the hole, placing the smallest pressure and watched as it pulsated beneath his finger. Ste crossed his ankles behind Brendan's neck and drew him in closer, which ignited a deep chuckle from the older man, but he didn't pull back. Rather, he licked a stripe over the skin and felt it tense up, before relaxing completely. He licked over it a few more times, then slipped one spit soaked finger inside, pulling it back and forth, until he could slip another one in too, all the while he never once relented his tongues assault against it. He tensed his tongue up just enough to slide it inside with his fingers and started to fuck him like that, his tongue curving around inside before pulling out and doing it again. It seemed like forever and Ste's head was spinning when suddenly, Brendan stopped to lather three fingers in lube, then placed them inside, one at a time. Ste's chest was heaving, and the concave of his stomach was beginning to have a small puddle of sweat develop there, before Brendan finally decided that he was prepared enough.

The older man gently pushed Ste's legs from his shoulder and poured more lube onto his hand, but this time he coated his length, instead of his fingers. He made his way back up Ste's body, and placed his head against Ste's collar bone as he lined himself up and slowly pushed in, both of them gasping at the initial entrance.

"I haven't done this in a long time," Ste said breathlessly.

Brendan's head snapped back up, and Ste knew the older man found pleasure in the knowledge that Doug had never done this to him. He kissed Ste, teeth, tongue and hot breaths, as he pushed in further and further, until he was all the way and Ste groaned out loud, feeling full to its completion for the first time in six years. Nobody made him feel the way Brendan did, emotionally or physically. Ste wrapped his legs around Brendan's waist and held him there for a moment, so as to get used to having the older man inside of him again. Brendan didn't move, allowed Ste all the time he needed, whilst he bit and sucked bruises onto Ste's neck, reclaiming him. And when Ste finally gyrated beneath him, Brendan pulled out, then slithered back in.

It started slow, so slow that it verged on painful. Ste could practically feel the veins in Brendan's dick, even through the latex, which was something they'd have to sort out as soon as possible. Ste was all for protection, but he loved to feel Brendan raw inside of him. The older man kept up the maddeningly deliberate pace until both their orgasms started to build up, and then everything started to speed up. Brendan's thrusts became more vigorous, less controlled, and Ste could no longer just lie back and take it. He was never one to just take, anyway. When Brendan pulled out, he arched his hips away from Brendan's, and when Brendan came back in, Ste slammed his hips up until the older man was deeper than either of them ever thought possible.

The tip of Brendan's dick brushed against Ste's prostate only a handful of times, when Ste moaned out Brendan name and came between their stomachs, hands free, and only the friction of their sweat slicked skin rubbing against it to induce the orgasm. Brendan pulled out when Ste had come, and tore the condom from his dick, throwing it to a side. Ste got what was happening, so he wrapped his hand around the length and tugged twice, before Brendan came with a grunt on Ste's stomach and chest, and a little bit even hit his chin.

Brendan fell to the bed beside him, his breath heavy and his chest rising and falling in an emphasised manner. When Brendan turned to look at him, Ste swiped the come on his chin with his index finger and licked it away, watching as Brendan's eyes darkened at that. But there was no way either of them would be ready to go again. Ste felt boneless, and if the way Brendan barely moved was anything to go by, then he felt the same way. What the older man did do was, he placed his hand on Ste's stomach and started to mix both their comes together. It was his intention when he pulled the condom off, to cocktail their comes, but Ste couldn't help scrunch up his nose to it.

"You're disgusting," Ste mumbled, too lazy to speak clearly.

"Says they lad with mine and his come all over him." Brendan remarked, still infusing the white liquid into Ste's skin.

"Yeah, but you don't need to bathe me in it."

"I like it." Brendan wiped his hand on the comforter and climbed back on top of Ste, placing a tired kiss on his lips.

"I know you do, you gross git."

Brendan just grinned and kissed him again, their tongues much more lethargic and sloppy this time. Ste could have stayed like that until they were ready to go again, but then a phone rang somewhere. It was clearly Brendan's, seeing as Ste's was back at Amy's house, but the older man just buried his face into the pillow beside Ste's head and ignored it. He couldn't handle it after it rang for the third time, though, and with a n annoyed groan, he pushed himself up off the bed and rummaged through his pants pocket till he dug the phone out.

"What?!" The older man hollered into the device. "Yeah, he's here." There were a few seconds of silence before Brendan rolled his eyes, "well, we were about to make up again when you called and interrupted….. Well, Chez, you shouldn't have asked…. Do we have to? ...For Christ's sake. Fine…. Yes…. YES!"

When he finally hung up Ste had already sat up and was looking at him with an expectant face.

"Apparently, now that we've made up, we have to show our faces at your wedding reception, which is apparently now our reunion reception."

Ste snorted at that, but he got up off the bed anyway. He grabbed a towel from where it was at the bottom of the cupboard, but before he could leave the room for a shower, Brendan stopped him with a hand around his wrists.

"D- don't. Just wipe it away or something, but down shower. Not yet." Brendan looked a little sheepish when he spoke, but he continued nonetheless. "You're only going to get filthy again when we get back."

"You have the weirdest kinks," Ste chuckled, but used the towel to wipe away the come and lube remnants, anyway. "You're like a caveman, marking me as yours. Just promise you won't wee all over me, I think that's too far." That earned him a playful smack around the back of his head. "Won't Deccy and Paddy be sleeping here, tonight?"

Brendan just shrugged as he pulled out a fresh pale blue shirt and black suit. "They can stay with Cheryl tonight. They won't mind, they'll probably be thankful for the prevention of further scarring. Nate's away on business, anyway, so Cheryl will like the company."

Ste had been so self-involved since he got back, he didn't even ask Cheryl about her love life. Looked like she finally settled down with someone. And if Brendan was talking about him in a blasé tone, he had to be a fucking saint.

"I – I don't have any clothes here." Ste'd shirt was completely ruined and the rest of his attire probably had that horrible damp smell rain water often caused.

Brendan turned around and started to rummage through the closet again, until he found what he was looking for and pulled out one of Ste's old suits. It was navy blue and his first fitted one that he owned after Brendan had dragged him to a store, got it measured and bought it for him.

"You took most of your everyday clothes with you, but you left this behind." Brendan said in an embarrassed tone, as if he was ashamed of his inability to let go.

Ste just smiled and took the clothes from Brendan, before placing it on the bed so he could kiss Brendan. The party could wait a little longer.

xxx

Cheryl was waiting for them outside when they finally drove to the reception, which was in full swing if the noise was anything to go by. She squealed something like _Oh My Gay _when she spotted them and hauled them into a three way hug, so tight that it kind of choked Ste. She stood in between them and linked her arms with each of them, as she guided them to the hall where people were obviously expecting them.

"Everybody," Cheryl announced, "look who's finally made it to their reception, after eight years. It's Mr and Mr Brady-Hay!"

Someone had gotten party popper, because they were going off everywhere, that and silly string. Ste caught sight of the wedding cake in the corner of the room, and he had to force himself not to laugh out loud at the fact that someone had used a sharpie or something, to colour in the blonde of what was Doug's wedding cake figurine, until it had black hair to resemble Brendan.

There were cheers everywhere, but the most prominent were from the four kids standing on chairs, so they could see above the sea of heads. Declan, Padraig, Leah and Lucas were hollering and grinning so loud, Ste feared that their faces would split in two. But before Ste could say anything to them, Cheryl had wandered off to them to chastise them over safety, and babbling on about why Declan even needed to stand on a chair anyway, he was taller than Brendan now.

Ste just turned and smiled at Brendan, feeling so happy his chest felt like it was about to explode. He wanted to kiss him, but suddenly everyone was chanting for a speech. More specifically, there were chanting for Brendan to make a speech. The older man just rolled his eyes and turned to face Ste with a massive grin on his face that spoke more words than any words could.

Brendan took a deep breath, and said, "If I remember correctly, I owe you a dance."

This time Ste's laugh was a half sob as Brendan laced his fingers with Ste's and pulled him to where the dance floor was. Everyone cleared out until it was just the two of them there, but the place might as well have been empty anyway, because there was no one else at that moment of time. Someone had switched the song playing in the background from that of an upbeat one, to John Legend's All of Me.

Ste wrapped his arms around d the back of Brendan's neck and the older man placed his hands on Ste's waist. They both started swaying to the music as Legend sang,

_My head's under water__  
__But I'm breathing fine__  
__You're crazy and I'm out of my mind__'  
__Cause all of me  
__Loves all of you__._

About half way through Brendan dropped one hand and slipped it into his pocket, only to pull out the navy blue velvet box from the night he had first proposed to Ste. Ste relaxed his arms and took a step back, so Brendan had enough space to open up the box in-between them, and pull out the wedding ring Ste had left behind. Brendan's one was still on his finger, and Ste suspected that he never actually took it off, even when he got laid. The older man slipped the golden band from the box and shoved the latter back into his pocket, before he picked up Ste's left hand. Ste was thankful that he had taken off his engagement ring that morning to make room for his wedding one, and he was even more thankful that the wedding ring going on was his first and would be his last.

Brendan slipped the band onto Ste's finger, and Ste could just about make out the sound of cheers in the background, but the noise seemed like it was light years away. The older man placed Ste's hand behind the his neck again and resumed their dancing positions, as the song switched and people started to make their way back onto the dance floor. Brendan kissed the temple of Ste's head and continued to move in slow sways, regardless of the tempo of the music.

"I should've known." Ste sighed as he rested his head against Brendan's shoulder.

"What?"

"That Doug wasn't right for me. He proposed with a red box, I always did prefer Blue Velvet."

Brendan laughed at that, and Ste could feel it against his chest. But more than that, he could feel Brendan's heart against his, and he knew, he knew he was finally whole again.


End file.
